Steady T: MotoGP - Double Dose And A Hat Trick Of Hat Tricks (Pack A Lunch)

Hello to my follower out there. I'm sorry for missing the Argentina race. Lately, my work with the Michael Hutchence Syndrome Awareness foundation has been very time consuming, and has been preventing me from updating this trainwreck. The work is hard, sometimes emotional, and occasionally leaves me feeling a little choked up. On the plus-side, you are about to be treated to a report that covers not one...not three...but two races. Happy early Festivus, to you.

First up was MotoGP round 3 at the Autodromo Termas de something something Rio Honda in sunny Argentina. This is a new track on the MotoGP calendar, and that would have one believe the playing field would be a little more level. Right? Right.

In the first practice session, It was current MotoGP superhero, Marc Marquez, who finished in a lowly (for him) fourteenth place, while almost everyone else went quite a bit quicker than him and started getting getting their hopes up. That didn't last long, as from the next session on through qualifying, Marquez resumed his 'Soul Crusher 2K14' world domination tour and finished the day in pole position for the race...his third of the year. Lorenzo and Pedrosa rounded out the front row, but still were about a second behind Marquez on the charts. Rossi in sixth, Homeboy Hayden back in twelfth, and blah blah blah etc. etc...plus tax.

Race day...the riders grid up, an Incan child mummy is unearthed, the lights from red to off, and the boys motorboat it into the first turn. Lorenzo hit the front with Crazy Joe Iannone on his ass, in second. It didn't take long for Iannone to fuck up and let the Rossi/Pedrosa/Marquez train steam past. Lorenzo came out on top and looked like he might be able to put a gap on the rest of the field. As this was going on, Albert Espargaro was sitting in the gravel updating his status to 'Just crashed...frownie face'.

Rossi and his homie Iannone were bickering over second place as Marquez, who got a shit start and dropped back to seventh, was on the case and was soon up to second where he began to apply pressure to the rear of Lorenzo. Lorenzo responded to the pressure on his rear, but it wasn't enough, as Marquez applied more pressure, and soon shot across Lorenzo to take the lead, and the eventual race win.

Back a few places, Pedrosa reeled in Lorenzo, applied a little pressure (because he's a little guy), and made his way to his customary second place race result. Lorenzo managed a solid third and seemed pleased. Rossi, who wasted much of the race mixing it up with Iannone and Bradl, scored a decent/not-so-decent fourth place. May the fourth be with you.

So, there ya' have it. Three races in, and Marc Marquez has scored a hat trick of pole positions and wins. Not wanting to miss out on the fun, Marquez' countryman, Alvaro Bautista, scored his own hat trick (but not the cool kind). For the third race in a row, Bautista beached his Honda, and has scored zero points in the process. 4 out of 5 motorcycle forum nerds who were surveyed agree that Hayden should be given that bike for the rest of the season.

Smoke break...BRB

On to the second race of this 2-fer. This time it's Jerez, in Spain, where the MotoGP common-taters reminded me 100 times 'the season really kicks off'. Duly noted.

Qualifying was it's usual self with that young Repsol Honda guy from Spain scoring his fourth pole position of the year. Second on the grid was that factory Yamaha guy, followed by that short Repsol Honda guy in third. The older guy on the other factory Yamaha started from fourth.

Sunday at 2PM (local time), the riders gridded up, a donkey was sacrificed, the marshall (thinking the bulls were about to run) waved a red flag, and vamos! Ducati's Andrea Dovizioso get the jump and leads it into the first corner. That lead lasted about ten seconds, as Marquez, Rossi, and Lorenzo all made their way past Dovi in the next two corners. it was fun while it lasted. A few corners later, Rossi barged YoungPunk93 out of the way to take over at the front. Marquez humored Rossi for a few laps, letting him think he actually had a chance. The pair slap-boxed for a few laps until Marquez hit the 'fuck this...I'm out' button and went bye-bye.

With Marquez out of the equation and off to win the race by a few clicks on a sundial, it was down to BFF's Rossi and Lorenzo to battle over the final two podium positions. Those two tango'd for a bit before Rossi politely made his way into second which is where he finished the race. Pedrosa put up a good fight, but settled for a company man-styled third. Lorenzo in an unhappy fourth. So there.