MotoGP Indianapolis

Is this thing on? Round eleven of the 2012 MotoGP champeenship comes to you from the Indianapolis Motor Speedway...known as the 'Brickyard' to racing fans, and as a really shitty track to most of the MotoGP riders. Indianapolis is the second and final stop on the MotoGP tour de force de America de 2012.

Last time out, the MotoGP tdfdAde2012 set up shop at Laguna Seca. It was the usual suspects on the podium; Stoner, JLo, and Pedrosa. Stoner took the lead, and the win, by completely blowing JLo's doors off (no amount of woodscrews could have prevented it) with a 160mph around-the-outside pass into turn one. It was pretty fucking impressive.

Before the race, birthday boy Hayden announced he had signed on for another year on the factory Ducati. Apparently, Hayden was offered a two-year deal, but insisted on just a one-year deal...I'm assuming he did this to give himself an 'out' in case the Ducati continues to handle like a shiny red shopping cart. Smart move, homeboy. Ducati also sent one of their executive types to Laguna Seca with a giant sack of Audi cash in hopes of persuading Valentino Rossi to also re-sign with Ducati. Rossi has made no secret that he thinks the bike is shit and that he had been exploring other options. One idea was for Rossi to run a factory-supported Honda in a one man satellite team. Honda, however, is still butthurt about what Rossi wrote about them in his autobiography, so they want nothing to do with him. During the race, Rossi lost the front end at 120mph, and fired his Ducati into the gravel at the top of the corkscrew. He then went down to tell the Ducati executive 'Thanks, but no fucking way'. A few days later, he signed up to take Ben Spies' seat on the Factory Yamaha, along side JLo for 2013 and 2014.

Ben Spies also got in on the 'big announcement' action by telling the top brass at Yamaha to go fuck themselves, and that he was leaving the factory team (and MotoGP, altogether) at the end of the season...word on the street is that Spies will return to the World Superbike series to ride a Factory BMW along side soon-to-be fellow MotoGP refugee, Marco Melandri. Later, during the race, the swingarm on Spies' Yamaha mysteriously collapsed, putting Spies on the ground at the bottom of the corkscrew. Things that make you go hmmmm....

Anyway....blah blah blah. Enough about Laguna Seca. Fast forward to Indianapolis

As the MotoGP tdfdAd2012 touched down in Indy, JLo held a 19 point lead over Pedrosa, with Stoner a further 18 points back in third. All three have won at Indy, before, so it's game on. Since he lives just across the creek in Kentucky, this was Homeboy Hayden's home race, and he was looking to put his shiny red shopping cart up towards the frontish end of the grid. Hayden's teammate, Rossi, having just announced his departure for Yamaha, was looking to poop around and phone-in a solid mid-pack result. Spies was just looking to finish a race. AMA superdudes Aaron Yates and Steve Rapp were in the house as wildcard CRT (Google it) entries for the American teams GP Tech and Attack Performance, respectively. Colin Edwards was also there, and he was looking to 'accidentally' drop f-bombs while being interviewed by the media.

As it has a habit of doing, qualifying came and went with Pedrosa ending the session at the top of the charts in pole position. JLo started in second, and Dovizioso rounded out the front row, in third. What about Stoner, you ask? Stoner, along with Spies and Hayden, got bored with the usual qualifying rigamaroll, and held an impromptu highside contest at turn 14. Stoner drew the short straw and went first. Stoner was flicked off the bike in the fast section of the corner as it opens onto a short straight. I don't know what was more impressive, the speed of the crash or Stoner's hang time. Stoner was carted off to a local hospital and diagnosed w/torn ligaments in his right foot and questionable for the race, the next day. Despite missing the rest of the qualifying session, Stoner's fastest time from earlier in the session was good enough for a 6th place spot on the grid.

Next up was Spies. Spies chose the slower part of the corner to display his skills. The lack of speed resulted in a fairly garden-variety highside, with (thankfully) no serious injuries. Spies hobbled back to the pits, jumped on his spare bike, rejoined the session, and qualified in a decent 4th position. High five! The final contestant was Homeboy Hayden. Like Stoner, Hayden chose to use the faster portion of the corner to showcase his technique, and he didn't disappoint. As the rear of Hayden's bike came around, he was tossed on to the tank, and briefly surfed on top of the bike 'Teen Wolf' style, before being launched into space. When he finally hit the deck, he was KO'd, and did that creepy limp/body flopping/tumbling thing in to the gravel. He was carted off to the hospital, where he was diagnosed with a jacked-up right hand and declared unfit for the race. Gutted.

So, yeah....all that shit happened, and then everyone scurried back to their motorhomes and hotel rooms to do whatever people do in their motorhomes and hotel rooms.

Race day...finally. Fresh off his strong showing in the turn 14 highside contest, Spies managed to set the fastest time in the morning warm up, and even bettered his qualifying time from the previous day. Time to go racing. The riders grid 'em up, the lights go out, and it's time to rock. Pedro gets the hole shot into turn 1, but Spies goes around the outside to line up a an inside move into the next corner(for those keeping track, that'd be turn 2)to take the lead.

Behind Spies and Pedro, it was Dovi, JLo, and Stoner duking it out for the last spot on the podium. Spies looked comfy, up front, and seemed to easily fend off Pedro's pass attempts. The only problem is that Pedro weighs about as much as a sparrow's fart, and was able to get past Spies along the long front straight, but that didn't matter, as Spies would kill Pedro on the brakes, and take over the lead in to turn 1. This went on for a few laps, until Spies' motor shit the bed, while heading down the front straight...the shit never ends. With Yamaha already on Mama Spies' shit list from the last few mechanical DNFs, I'm assuming the wrath she unleashed on the crew, back in the pits, was nothing short of phenomenal.

With Spies out, Pedrosa was able to scamper off to his second win of the season. Game. Set. Match. JLo continued to roll around in 2nd. He was occasionally able to close the gap on Pedro, but having chosen a softer tire, he drifted back to lonely 2nd place finish, but still retained his lead in the points.

Stoner and his crocked ankle occasionally challenged Dovi for the final podium position, but settled for a safe 4th place finish. Dovi's 3rd place finish was his 5th podium of the season, and the most by any Yamaha Tech 3 rider in one season. Not too shabby for a dude with a girl's first name. Dovi looks to be off to Ducati, next year, to take Rossi's seat. Melandri, Rossi, and now Dovizioso...are all Italian MotoGP riders genetically predisposed to career suicide?

So that's about that. JLo's point lead was reduced, but not too much. Spies is probably wanted by the Indiana state police on several assault charges, and, as I hypothesized, Rossi tooled around to a solid mid-pack (7th) finish. It should be mentioned that the American CRT Wildcard entries, Yates and Rapp, finished the race in 16th and 15th...seriously impressive considering they had very little time to test the bikes.

The next stop for the MotoGP tour de force is next weekend at Brno in Czechland. I'm sure JLo, Stoner, and Pedro will continue their game of musical chairs for the top spot on the podium. Hayden has been ruled out of the race due to an injured hand, which means Rossi will be the sole Factory Ducati rider...I hope his phone bill is paid. Between now and Brno, Spies' crew will be hard at work planning his next mechanical failure. Smart money says they'll go with sugar in the gas tank, or the old banana in the tailpipe trick.

Result:

1) Pedrosa / Repsol Honda

2) Lorenzo / Factory Yamaha

3) Dovizioso / Tech 3 Yamaha

4) Stoner / Repsol Honda

5) Bautista / Gresini Honda

6) Bradl / LCR Honda

7) Rossi / Factory Ducati

8) Abraham / Cardion AB Ducati

9) Hernandez / Avintia Blusens

10) Espargaro / Power Electronics Aspar

11) Elias / Pramac Ducati

12) Silva / Avintia Blusens

13) Edwards / NGM Forward Racing

14) Rapp / Attack Performance

15) Ellison / Paul Bird Motorsport

16) Yates / GP Tech

DNF) Crutchlow / Tech 3 Yamaha

DNF) De Puniet / Power Electronics Aspar

DNF) Spies / Factory Yamaha

DNF) Pirro / Gresini Honda

DNF) Pasini / Speed Master

DNF) Petrucci / Came Ioda Racing

DNS) Hayden / Factory Ducati

T...out