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I'd like to welcome both of my three followers back to the fourth round of
the 2013 MotoGP world championship at Le Mans, which according to Mapquest,
is in France. Last time out, at Jerez, lil' Dani Pedrosa took a
comfortable win, making him the third different winner in as many races.
That wasn't the top story, though. The big 'to-do' out of Jerez was Marc Marquez
punting Jorge Lorenzo off track in the final corner of the last lap. As a
result of his shenanigans, Marky Marquez bagged second place in the race, and
the lead in the championship points. Lorenzo managed third in the race, and epitomized
the phrase 'butthurt', in the process.
So here we are at soggy-assed Le Mans.
As usual, for a MotoGP weekend in France, the weather suited the
indigenious amphibian populaton with a fruity mix of rain, dry, kinda rainy
then dry, and dryish rainy conditions. After the three practice sessions,
the usual suspects were given a 'pass' into QP2, while the rest of the
'drivers' (c. Ralph Sheheen, 2013) duked it out in QP1. At the end of the
first QP session, it was Aleix Espargaro and France's Randy DePuniet who
were crowned the 'best of the rest', and advanced to the QP2 'Showcase
Showdown'. QP2 was a little more dryish than wettish, and a the end of the
session, it was Spain's Marc Marquez who was the closest without going
over. For his efforts, Marquez was rewarded with a waverunner, a pair of
4-wheelers, a pop-up camper, and pole position. Runner-up Jorge Lorenzo
went home with a dinette set, a Broyhill recliner, a set of steak kinives,
and second place on the grid. Dani Pedrosa was happy to accept some
handsome parting gifts and rounded out the front row in third position.
Everyone else went home to spay or neuter their pets.
Sunday, and although there are dry spots forming on track, the race is
declared wet...kind of the opposite of an old man's tighty whiteys.
Marquez kicks his umbrella girl, Vanna White, to the curb, the riders take
their warm-up lap and re-grid, the lights go out, and away we go. An odd
turn of events takes place at the moment the race starts; the Earth
momentarily stops spinning on its axis, which causes poleman Marquez to
drop back to someteenth place, while Ducati's (yes, you read that
correctly) Andrea Dovizioso takes the holeshot and leads everyone into the
first corner...followed by Lorenzo and Pedrosa. Behind them, it's Bradl,
Rossi, Hayden, and Crutchlow. At the end of the first lap Dovizioso has
actually put a gap (I'm for serious) on the field, while Pedrosa has gone
past Lorenzo for second.
A few laps later, Dovizioso's two-lap wet dream comes to an end as Pedrosa
overhauls him for the lead and scampers off for the win.
Meanwhile...Rossi, Crutchlow, and Hayden are closing on podium spots while
Lorenzo, bogged down by the weight of his newly acquired Boyhill recliner
which is bungee'd to his tail section, is dropping way back in the pack.
What about poleman Marquez? After shitting the bed on the start, he's back
on the case, up to seventh behind Bradl, and motoring.
In front of them, Hayden is pressuring Rossi for fourth. Rossi finally succumbs to Hayden's
tomfoolery and beaches his Yamaha. Hayden's podium challenge ended as he
was forced to avoid Rossi's yellow and blue yardsale...losing a lot of time
in the process. Bummer, dude. Rossi remounted and finished in twelfth.
So then, Crutchlow's up to second and Marquez is on Dovi's ass, in fourth,
with three to go.
Two laps to go, and Marquez gets past Dovizioso courtesy of a fuckin'
sweet inside/outside move into/out of the chicane. So, Pedrosa wins it,
and takes over at the front of the championship points in the process.
Crutchlow takes his best-ever MotoGP result in second. Marquez keeps his
podium run alive in third.
After the race, Jorge Lorenzo blamed his shitty result not on his
Broyhill, but on a crap Bridgestone tire. The Bridgestone engineers
investigated the situation and their conclusion was 'dude, you're high'.
Methinks someone's still suffering from an advanced case of buttis
hurturis.
Result;
1) Pedrosa/Honda
2) Crutchlow/Yamaha
3) Marquez/Honda
4) Dovizioso/Ducati
5) Hayden/Ducati
6) Bautista/Honda
7) Lorenzo/Broyhill
8) Pirro/Ducati
9) Smith/Ducati
10)Bradl/Honda
11)Iannone/Ducati
12)Rossi/Ducati
13)Espargaro/ART Aprilia
14)Petrucci/Suter BMW
15)Abraham/ART Aprilia
16)Edwards/FTR Kawasaki
17)Laverty/PBM Aprilia
18)Barbera/FTR Kawasaki
19)Aoyama/FTR Kawasaki
DNF)Hernandez/ART Aprilia
DNF)DePuniet/ART Aprilia
DNF)Pesek/Suter BMW
DNF)Corti/FTR Kawasaki
DNF)Staring/FTR Honda
The next stop is in Italy at Mugello. Will homeboy Rossi finally hit the top of the charts, or will the reign of Spain continue? Survey says...
This one's for Aaron.
T...out.
Hola! It's round three of the 2013 MotoGP world championship from the
circuito Jerez de la Frontera, which is Spanish for 'Dude...you parked your
flying saucer on my racetrack!'. After his debut MotoGP win in Texas,
local heart throb, Marc Marquez, comes in to Jerez tied for the
championship points lead with local heart throb 2.0, Jorge Lorenzo at 41
metric points, each. That other fast Spanish guy, Dani Pedrosa, sits back
in third.
Lorenzo may be the first loser in the Spanish 'heart throb' department,
but Saturday found him celebrating his 26th birthday by taking pole
position in qualifying, and having the final corner of the track renamed in
his honor...curva de Jorge Lorenzo, or something like that. I'm sure there
was cake involved.
As for other qualifying shenanigans, Pedrosa starts from second, and
Marquez in third. In the final minutes of qualifying, both Crutchlow and
Rossi looked like they could each threaten for a front-row start, but they
both opted to put on high-speed yard sales, instead. Crutchlow fired his
Yamaha (and himself) into the airfence heading in to the final corner,
resulting in his bike landing in the cheap seats. Rossi tucked the front
into the super-speedy (and awesomely-named) Dry Sack corner. Rossi's bike
did a bunch of rollover flippy-floppies, landed in the gravel, and was
boxed up and shipped back to the Factory Yamaha garage. Homeboy Hayden managed
a decent seventh place grid position, and Edwards a
not-so-decent twentieth. Texas' Ben Spies is sitting this one out with a
jacked-up shoulder.
So, with all that out of the way, it's time to go racing. The riders
grid-up, the crowd wakes up from its pre-race siesta, the lights go out,
and Pedrosa hit the front. Much like Pedrosa himself, his time at the
front is very short, as Lorenzo takes the lead in turn 2. Marquez settles
in third, followed by Rossi, Crutchlow, and everyone else. Rossi tells
Marquez to get off his lawn and moves past him into third. A few corners
later, Marquez, who does not like being told what to do by old Italian men,
gets back past Rossi into third, and sets sail for the other two amigos, up
front.
The next handful of laps were a bit of a snoozefest. Bradl crashed, but
he's German, so even his crash was boring. Lorenzo holds station at the
front, but with Pedrosa right on his ass. Pedrosa finally went past
Lorenzo into the Dry Sack (insert Beavis and Butthead laughs here) corner
to take the lead. I'd tell you that Pedrosa went on to gap the field and
win the race, but then you'd stop reading. I wouldn't blame you.
While Pedrosa is off to maybe win the race, Marquez has caught up Lorenzo, and
the battle for second is on like Connie Chung. Rossi is still back in
lonely fourth, and the only other real action is Crutchlow and Bautista
battling for fif place. Crutchlow and Bautista swapped spit for a few
laps, until Crutchlow finally sealed the deal and cruised home in fif.
Meanwhile, Pedrosa is very much(maybe)on his way to his first win of the
season. Marquez is still honey-badgering Lorenzo for second...nearly
ass-packing him, on several occasions, in the process. Rast rap...Marquez
is on Lorenzo's case in full 'crouching tiger' stance (i.e.; waiting for
Lorenzo to fuck up). Out of the long right-hander and into the final
(Lorenzo) corner, Lorenzo leaves the door wide-open. Marquez, in an ode to
Rossi/Gibernau 2005, dive bombs up the inside of Lorenzo, punt him off the
track, and brings it home in second. Lorenzo manages to keep it upright,
and pouts across the line in third.
In Parc Ferme', Marquez tries to apologize to Lorenzo for his antics.
Lorenzo responds with a Mutumbo-styled finger wag after exploding a box of
Captain Crunch Marquez had offered up as a token of peace. So with that,
Marquez leaves 'Hereth' with the championship points lead and a face full
of Captain Crunch dust.
Result;
1) Pedrosa
2) Marquez
3) Lorenzo
4) Rossi
5) Crutchlow
6) Bautista
7) Haystack
8) Dovizioso
9) Esparago
10)Smith
11)Pirro
12)Barbera
13)Laverty
14)Petrucci
15)Edwards
16)Staring
17)Corti
18)Aoyama
DNF)Bradl/crash
DNF)Iannone/mechanical
DNF)Pesek/mechanical
DNF)DePuniet/crash
DNF)Hernandez/crash
The next round is in two weeks in France at Le
Moans...cheer up emo kid.
T...out.
