MotoGP Donington

You don't turd on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and you don't mess around with thinking there will be a completely dry motorcycle race at Donington Park...ever.

This is the last time a MotoGP race will be held at Donington. Starting next year, the British round of MotoGP will be held at Silverstone, leaving Donington to host Formula 1 and several different 'Monsters of Rock' festivals. Rad.

Rossi started from pole and want to sign off with a win at the final Donington race because 'This track 'av many many goodah memories anda I make many the great battle in this track, for sure.' Pedrosa and Georgey Lorenzo rounded out the front row of the grid. On the star-spangled tip; Edwards started from 6th and Haystack down in 15th.

At the start of the race, the track was mostly dry, with little bits of rain here and there. Everyone (except Hayden and Stoner...more on that later.) started on slick tires. If the conditions go to shit, they can always come in and switch to a 'wet' bike, right? Right.

Game on...Rossi gets the holeshot, but Lorenzo and Elias get around him in the second corner to take the top two spots. Elias around Rossi and up to 2nd? Must be contract time. The very next corner, Elias pushes the issue and goes straight past Lorenzo to take the lead. Sign here, Mr. Elias. 28 laps to go and Repsol new boy Dovizioso hits the front while his teammate, Pedrosa, was also making steady progress...backwards. Two laps later, Lorenzo takes Dovi at the end of the front straight for the lead. Where's Rossi? Back in 4th. A few laps and passes later, we have Lorenzo up front (by quite a bit), followed by Rossi, Dovi, and Pedro. The two factory Ducatis of Hayden and Stoner were still farting around at the back of the pack on their wet tires.

23 to go, and Elias had just gotten past Pedro when he highsided his Honda and set sail on the failboat. Toot toot. meanwhile, Rossi and Dovi were closing up on Lorenzo. Could Georgey stand the pressure? Nope...he touched the paint with his front tire and had a little tipover going into the final corner corner. It looked fairly harmless, but enough sponsors' stickers were scraped from the body work of his Yamaha that he was not allowed to rejoin the race.

So now we have Rossi up front, followed closely by Dovi. I'm not sure what's going behind them, because they won't show it. Cut to an onboard shot of Rossi's rear tire...it looks like it has Leprosy. Not that big of a deal (spoiler alert!) since he won't be in the race much longer. While that's going on (or off), DePuniet comes from nowhere to take his boobie-sponsored Honda past Pedro into 3rd. Tits-ahoy!

17 to go...former MotoGP world champions KC Stoner and Nicky Hayden are being lapped by the leaders. Apparently their wet tire gamble didn't pay off. Look soon for an ad at www.craigslist.it for a new Ducati weather technician.

Rossi is still up front, but is looking a little ragged. Dovi is looking smooth in second. Everyone else is miles behind...for now.

11 to go...I had nodded off when all of a sudden 'ROSSI'S DOWN!! GOOD GOLLY ROSSI'S DOWN!! THE CHAMPIONSHIP HAS BEEN BLOWN WIDE OPEN!!' My MotoGP announcer alarm clock never fails. That's right...Wonderboy went down in the Fogarty Esses. He managed to get on track and finish 5th. Somehow, he crashed, but still managed to increase his lead in the championship standings. Imagine that.

With Rossi out, Dovi was 10 seconds in front and looking to pop his MotoGP victory cherry. What about the rest? Edwards made his way up to 3rd and was closing on De Puniet, who was also closing on Dovi. Would the Bunny bike take the win? Would Edwards finally, after 3493 tries, win a MotoGP race? Nope and nope. Dovi held on for his maiden win with Edwards and De Puniet in tow. Nice work, kid.

Even with his crash, Rossi extended his lead at the top to 181 points, followed by Lorenzo with 162, and Stoner with 149. Still very close with 7 races to go.

Result:
1) Dovizioso
2) Edwards
3) De Puniet
4) De Angelis
5) Rossi
6) Toseland
7) Melandri
8) Canepa
9) Ponderosa
10) Kallio
11) Capirossi
12) Talmacsi
13) Vermeulen
14) Stoner
15) Hayden

Failboat; Elias and Lorenzo...slim crowd considering the conditions.

Next stop...Brno in the Czech Republic.

One bottle of vodka was harmed in the makming (see)of this post.

T...out.

The German-engineered Moto GP der Doucheland.

So here we are, half way through the 2009 MotoGP season, at the Sachenring Curcuit for round der nuente...Achtung!

As it has a habit of doing, qualifying came and went. Homeboy Hayden started from a season-best 4th. The front row consisted of Stoner in 3rd, Spaceman Lorenzo, and Rossi on pole. Rossi's fast lap during the wettish qualifying session was absolutely bananas!

The big hubbub leading up to this race was that Yamaha's Lorenzo has been in talks with Repsol Honda. Apparently he wants to be the 'number 1' rider on a factory team. Considering his current teammate is one V. Rossi, I don't see Lorenzo becoming the top dude @ Yamaha unless he can beat Rossi on a regular basis and win the title. My crystal ball says 'nope'.

Enough about that...the riders grid up, the vendors sell their last Bratkartoffeln, the lights go out, and the blitzkrieg is on. Rossi slots in at the top of charts, followed by Dani Ponderosa, De Puniet, and Stonah. Lorenzo got a crap start and was stuck behind De Angelis' pride flag in 6th. Hayden? He got a good start, and looked really good for the first 30 yards, or so, until he got shoved out wide by...well...pretty much everyone. Once he got his shit together, he found himself in around 9th. Tough break, kid. Playboy Du Puniet was the first to hit the deck courtesy of a second-rate highside. Hasta next weeko, Randy. Looking back to Hayden, he was clearly pissed about his his start and his riding was showing it...he went around the outside of Kallio and Capirossi coming out of the ridiculously fast downhill right-hander. Balls.

25 to go...Stoner barges past both Ponderosa and that Rossi dude to take the lead. So now it's Stoner, Rossi, Ponderosa, and Lorenzo all bunched up at the front. Game on. It's obvious that Lorenzo has his eyes on the big piece of chicken as he murders Ponderosa on the brakes at the bottom of the hill to take 3rd place.

Fast forward a few laps...Rossi get past Stoner for the lead , while Lorenzo and Ponderosa move up into 2nd and 3rd. Lorenzo is now right on the ass end of the big piece of chicken and has his knife and fork set to 'stun'. With 5 to go, Lorenzo finally pulls the trigger and outbrakes Rossi and the end of the front straight to take the lead. 2 to go, and Rossi returns the favor at the same spot. Last lap, and Rossi is still at the front...just barely. Lorenzo looked like he might have something for Rossi at the last corner, but no dice. Rossi takes the big piece of chicken by 99/1000 of a second (seriously) over Lorenzo and his side of slaw. Ponderosa cruised home in 3rd to collect a wet-nap and a small (big to him) 7up

Result:

1) Rossi - YaMAka

2) Lorenzo - Yamaha

3) Pedrosa - Honda

4) Stoner - Ducati

5) De Angelis - Honda

6) Elias - Honda

7) Melandri - Hayate

8) Hayden - Ducati

9) Edwards - Yamaha

10) Toseland - Yamaha

11) Capirossi - Suzuki

12) Canepa - Ducati

13) Vermeulen - Suzuki

14) Kallio - Ducati

15) Talmacsi - Honda

Failboat;

De Puniet

Dovizioso

Next stop...Donington Park in the G.B...bring a raincoat.

T...out.

!Fish and Destroy!

Fishing is not a crime...as long as you have a license. What better way to spend a humid Iowa evening than with a pack of smokes, a couple of quarts of crap beer, and a dozen nightcrawlers.

Here's Red's homemade Y2K9 compliant fishing hat complete with cig, lighter, and fishing license holders...as well as extra hooks and sinkers, in case those beasts at Gray's Lake decide to up their game...all fashioned from one of my old dress shirts and some janky old Gilligan hat.

The Smugglers

Iowa City...a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. Other than seeing these guys and Rocket From The Crypt @ Gabes as well as all the killer Indian restaurants, these were pretty much the the only things that made my 1.5 years going to school there worth a shit.

MotoGP Laguna Seca

I can't think of a better way to celebrate our nation's birthday (other than getting drunk and blowing shit up) than a MotoGP race right here in America...Fuck Yeah! OK...maybe a World Superbike race might have been better.

Qualifyng was actually where all the real action went down. Stoner, Rossi, and Lorenzo took turns at the top throughout the session. With about 10 minutes to go, Lorenzo lowsided his Yamaha in turn 10, caught a scooter ride back to get his 2nd bike, and put in a lap that blew everyone into weeds. His following lap was even a touch quicker until he launched himself into orbit courtesy of another one of his epic highsides. Basically, he set the fastest lap, destroyed two bikes, dislocated his shoulder, and broke his foot all in the span of less than 10 minutes. Multitasking at it's finest. Moments later, Stoner (not wanting to be one-upped by Lorenzo)also highsided his Ducati in turn 3. On a scale of 1 to 10, Stoner's crash was about a 6 and Lorenzo's an 11. As the session expired, Rossi put in his fastest lap, but still ended up 2nd on the grid to Spaceman Lorenzo. Stoner started from 3rd. Homeboy Hayden put in a decent effort to start from 8th

So...the riders took their grid positions, our national anthem was butchered, the military jets flew over, and then it was game on. From 4th on the grid, all 75lbs of Dani Pedrosa went straight to the front followed by Stoner and Rossi. Dovizioso was in 4th and Elias in 5th. Spaceman Lorenzo got knocked back to 6th with Hayden a ways behind him in 7th. First time through the Corkscrew, and Rossi goes past Stoner pretty much the same way he did last year...minus the motocrossing. At the end of the first lap, Lorenzo took Elias for 5th. A lap later, Stoner went past Dovizioso and Rossi to take 2nd. Meanwhile, Little Pedro was slowly opening up a gap at the front. Sometimes I think they put things like 'scary monster chasing you' on his pit board, instead of laptimes, to spur him on. It seemed to be working.

Talmacsi was the first to go as he crashed out of last place...gifting a spot to no one. Capirossi was the next to go. Bye Loris. Toseland was awarded a ride-through penalty for making too good of a start. He ignored the penalty and was DQ'd. See you in BSB next year, James. Dovizioso was looking good in 4th until he jumped on the bandwagon and crashed out. I can't remember when Gibernau crashed, but he got more TV time than he would have gotten running back in something-teenth place. There...all crashes squeezed into one paragraph. Let's move on.

Pedro is still at the front followed by Stoner, Rossi, and Spaceman. Hayden caught up Elias and would soon put his Star Spangled Ducati up into 5th. Earl's boy done good. Stoner was looking solid in 2nd, but then remembered he was ill, and soon fell victim to both Fiat Yamahas. 5 laps to go, and Spaceman closed up on Rossi and was looking to get past. Into the last corner, Spaceman tried to put some sort of braking/stoppie/front wheel slide/jiggle/rear wheel slide/thingy on Rossi. Somehow, Spaceman didn't bowling ball Rossi and stayed on two wheels to finish in 3rd...hard as nails, considering his qualifying crash fest. Up front, Pedro got a little too comfortable with is gap. On the last corner of the last lap, Rossi showed Pedro a wheel and looked like he might get him on the brakes for the 1834th time. Rossi wasn't quite close enough, and had to settle for second. Stoner rolled home in 4th. Considering how shitty his first year on the Ducati has been, Hayden's 5th was some good stuff. So there it was...let's see what happens (and how much it rains) when we head back to Indianapolis in August.

Race Result:

1) Pedrosa - Repsol Honda

2) Rossi - Fiat Yamaha

3) Lorenzo - Fiat Yamaha

4) Stoner - Marlboro Ducati

5) Hayden - Marlboro Ducati

6) Elias - Gresini Honda

7) Edwards - Tech 3 Yamaha

8) Vermeulen - Rizla Suzuki

9) De Puniet - LCR Honda

10) Melandri - Hayate Racing

11) De Angelis - Gresini Honda

12) Canepa - Pramac Ducati

Failboat:

Talmacsi - Scot Honda

Capirossi - Rizla Suzuki

Dovizioso - Repsol Honda

Gibernau - Grupo Francisco Hernando Ducati

Toseland - Tech 3 Yamaha

Next stop...The Sausagering in Germany.

T...out.

She Watch Channel Zero

Red brought home two small Channel (see what I did there) Catfish from her fishing excursion. She decided they were too small and cute to make into nuggets. So...in a move that would have most aquarium nerds crapping their pants, we put them (the fish, not the aqua-nerds) in our big tank with the Oscars. So far, so good. Griff and Flav seem to get along with everyone. Ironic, considering the Oscars are white. Yeah Boyeeee!

White devil keepin''em down.