Best Helmet Ever

Rossi's tradition is to sport a special helmet design at his home Grand Prix at Mugello. This year's helmet features his face on top. He says it's his facial expression when braking from 205mph at the end of Mugello's long front straight. His other tradition is to stand up, pull his leathers out of his ass, and adjust his junk as he leaves pit lane...as you'll see in the vid.

Omelette

Put your hands together and join me in welcoming 'Omelette' to the fold*

*get it?

Memorial Day...a good day to die.

Red whipped up some kabobs and then we took the Ford DeathStar GL out to Blackbird Blvd* to pay homage to Miller. We left him a beer and a Flavor-Ice. He is missed. Amazing rider and all-around good dude. He left the road (and this planet)more or less where Red is sitting in the 5th picture...at about 130 mph.








* Honda Blackbird Pilot hooligan Jeremy painted a rather long 2nd through 4th gear Michelin-colored stripe upon exiting the final corner of said road...err...boulevard.

****Edit****Red's long time compadre-fish, Carla, went belly-up this evening. Services were held in the toilet. The Tidy Bowl Man delivered a rather moving eulogy. Bottles of vodka are being accepted in lieu of flowers. Peace out, bitches.

BxPxEx

Best Punch Ever. Sorry...I'm a C.S.I. nerd.

Time to make the donuts.

Bayliss and Bostrom.

Be like Mike

Check out the old Air Jordans Rossi be wearin'.

My First Road Bike

A bone-stock 1978 Suzuki GS1000E...purchased in 1999 from Reznik MotoSports for 1000 American dollars.

Lift Off

Jorge Lorenzo crash

21 year old Spaniard Jorge Lorenzo highsided* during qualifying for last weekend's MotoGP race in china...breaking both ankles upon touchdown. He ended up racing the next day, finishing 4th. He raced this weekend in France, finishing 2nd (starting from 5th). When he was not actually on his bike, his modes of transportation were a wheelchair and crutches...he had to sit on a chair during the podium celebration. Hard. Check out the reaction from Valentino Rossi (Lorenzo's teammate) @ :05.

*FYI...A highside is when the rear tire momentarily breaks loose while the bike is leant over. When the tire regains traction, the sudden transfer of energy to the front of the bike generally launches the rider over the bars and into orbit, as all y'all can see in the video (which loads super slow...sorry.)

Randy Mamola's French GP Big Race Big-Up

Okay guys it's time to open the potato chips to 11, spin up the rear Buds and draughtaway the constitution as I, the overly righteous Reverend R.Mamola esq, lock and load you the information-boulevard on our next target – The GP of French at the Le Moan 200 Raceaway Park.

Now I hate all the European countries with the exact highly banked level of hatredaway so choosing the one single country I hate the most is, for obviously, totally impossible. But if I were to pick the one I hate the most for sure it's easy as I would always chose France.
The nation of France goes against every constitution I've ever pledged my over-spangled flag of allegiance to and it's making no in-roads into the 'Roadmap of Randy' I issued to them last year.
Take freedom fries. They're the very basis of a foundation of a basis to base your base on. But no. These white flag wavers have lowsided the freedom fries into the gutter rebranding them 'French' fries. Now I'm no Walter Scheib but for sure these half-baked Frenchie fries lack the constitution grease that their Freedom rivals envelope with pride.
Their fries, essentially, are just a watered down version of the real thing – just like their cars. Their automobiles are the same. Take their top brands like Peugeot, Renault and Mazda. Where in their line up is the overly-rich, octane fuelled V8 over-blown chop top? Nowhere. All I can see is a selection of faceless vegetarian automobiles sporting pram tires and running on extra-low combustion rosewater. This is why this country has never, will never, can never and can never will have been anything but non-spangled. I'm sure of that for sure I'm sure.

I've heard a rumour that this Le Moan dumpster is actually a famous raceway. I couldn't find anything about it on wikipedia.usa but the locals speak of it staging the most famous race in the world. Apparently it's some sort of day long hot-rod race broken up into six quarters and controlled by yellow flags. But I see no banking to support this. Famous or not it's definitely I'm sure for sure no Buttonwillow Raceway Park and lacks the pro-cambered curve-outs that any real raceway requires.

Now I've no idea what State I'm in here or who the hell the local sheriff is but I do know, I figure, that it rains a lot here. Rain brings challenges and as far as I can see there are three ways to ride in the rain – equally dividable 50/50.
First of all we have the homestead ranchburger method. This involves a fist full of twistgrip that will inline-away feed the Monterey Jack to the rear - spinning up the hoop to the max and oversteering the curves. This method is favoured by players like the young Nicky Hayden and Hoppers to name but one.
Or we have the fourth method, or 'method c' if you like. This method is sadly what we get when we run a world series out of the sunshine States. Here the players will try to keep the lock at minimum, lean angles vertical and lines gutter-hogging. There's not a single person who wants to see this and those that do should be handed an orange suit and an American Airline boarding pass to Guantanamo.

A couple of standout players this year have been Colin 'the refried beans' Edwards. I expect Col to once again go all the way and clinch yet another victory for his belt. Only a fool would honestly believe Colin would, could, or would finish anywhere this weekend but on the top step of the podium. So who's my money on to win? I'd have to go with Young Nicky Hayden as his consistency has remained constantly constant throughoutaway the so far season so far.

Randy's big race prediction

1) John 'Hopkins' Hopper
2) Colin 'the refried beans' Edwards
3) Young Nicky Hayden

Constructor: McDonnell Douglas
MVP: Joey Chestnut

Okay guys, I've delayed the inevitable far too long – it's time to load up the B52 and regulate a classic pincer bliss-out manoeuvre on these flag burners.

Keep it on islands – Stateside!

Randy #2

Basket Case*

*Caption by me.

Funky Monkeys

The bubbles are supposed to come out of both ears. I guess I need to have a go at him with a Q-tip.

Spring 2005

Some artistic (i.e; blurry, crap quality) stills of Jeremy and I from Miller's onboard camera.

My new ride pt. 14

Since I didn't have any soccer ball stickers on hand, I opted for an Arai Helmets sticker. New sod and a minivan...we're pretty much in suburbia.

Up to his neck in puss*

Otis and Max...a.k.a. 'Otis-Maximus'


*Caption a'la Mateo. Fucker.