MotoGP ~ Austin ~ The Baby-Faced Assassin

Hello and welcome to the second round of the 2013 MotoGP season blah blah blah blah Circuit of the Americas blah blah blah Texas. Last time out, at Qatar, Lorenzo got the hole-shot and cruised home to take the win and lead in the championship. In other Qatar news, a newly re-Yamaha’d Rossi bagged a solid 2nd place, just beating out rookie Marc ‘Baby-faced assassin/The Joker /BFA93/Marky Marq’ Marquez who took…duh…3rd.

On to Texas…Rossi, Lorenzo, Marquez, Pedrosa, and Bradl all took part in a 3 day test, last month, which supposedly gave them the advantage of additional track time to learn the uber-tricky 20-turn circuit. Spies and Hayden also got a chance to poop around the track on street bikes during a Ducati PR event, last month. Because of all this additional track time, I expected to see all seven of these riders on the podium on race day. I don’t think that’s asking too much. On Wednesday night, someone left their iron on in the Yamaha Tech 3 garage, and a small fire broke out. No bikes were damaged, but some laptops and a few pairs of white sunglasses were destroyed. The sprinkler system also went off, soaking everything in the Tech 3 garage as well as those of the Factory Yamaha Team, the Repsol Honda Team, the LCR Honda Team, and whatever team Karel Abraham rides for. Squee-Gee party, tonight!

The teams got their garages tidied up in time for practice and qualifying, which went a little something like this…Marky Marq took his debut pole in MotoGP. He also become the youngest rider to take pole position in MotoGP since Freddie ‘the key is’ Spencer, back in 1876. Pedrosa and Lorenzo rounded out the front row. Tech 3’s Cal Crutchlow, who had no prior experience at COTA, overcame the guilt he felt for leaving the iron on, and qualified in a solid 4th place. Rossi wound up in 8th. Hayden and Spies qualified in 10th and 12th...behind CRT rider Aleix Asparagus. As for the rest of team America, Edwards ended up in 18th, and Attack CRT wildcard entry, Blake Young, just managed to qualify for the race, and started from lasteenth place. The other American wildcard entry, Michael Barnes on the GP Tech CRT bike, did not qualify for the race, but I’m sure he stuck around for a few $12 hamburgers.

One person who was noticeably absent from the track was Texas’ Kevin Schwantz. Schwantz was the driving force in bringing MotoGP to Texas, but some behind the scenes douchebaggery courtesy of Dorna and COTA, and the resulting court case meant that Schwantz was barred from the track. Dicks.

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! The riders drag their asses out of bed, shit/shower/shave, and line up on the starting grid. A moment of silence is observed in tribute to the victims of the recent events in Boston and West, Texas, then the lights go out and the riders to the go 'Two-wheel Two-steppin' in Texas' (c. Jonathan Greene 2013) into the first turn. Marquez takes the lead into turn 1, but runs a wee-bit wide, which allows Pedrosa into the lead.

LCR Honda's Bradl slotted into 2nd, followed by Marquez, Lorenzo, and Crutchlow. Ducati's Dovizioso made a decent start on his red shopping cart in 6th. Rossi got a crap start but managed to take over 6th from Dovizioso. Marquez quickly got past Bradl, and set off after his teammate, little Dani P. A few corners later, Lorenzo also got past Bradl, and took over 3rd. That was pretty neat.

Next on Bradl's 'who's gonna pass me, next?' list is Crutchlow. For the next few laps Crutchlow rides Bradl's ass (not in a prison-y way) and then makes a move, fucks that up, runs wide, and heads back to the drawing board. Crutchlow finally manages to reel Bradl back in, reattach himself to the German's ass, and eventually gives him das boot via a fairly stout inside pass...par for the course for Crutchlow.

Up in frontsville, Pedrosa is still leading with Marquez behind him, just biding his time, and waiting to make a move. Lorenzo is still stuck back in 3rd, where he will finish. Moving on...Everyone pretty much holds station until there's 9 laps to go, when BFA93 delivers the death blow, shoves Pedrosa aside, and scampers off to win the race, becoming the youngest rider to ever win a MotoGP race. Nice work, kid. Pedrosa tries to keep up, but eventually rolls it home in 2nd. Marquez' win has him tied with Lorenzo for the championship lead at 41 points each. Game on!

Back in the pack, Rossi forgot to remove his disc lock, before the race, and blamed his 6th place finish on a broken front brake rotor. As for the 'mericans, Hayden finished in an exceptionally average 9th place, Spies crossed the line in 13th, and Blake Young finished where he started in lasteenth place. Colin Edwards retired from the race with a broken something-or-other.

Next stop is at Jerez, in Spain in two weeks. Will we see another Spanish inquisition, or will Rossi leave the disc lock at home and do the business. He doesn't care, he's off to Charlotte to spend a day or two turning left.

Results, y'all;

1) Marquez/Honda

2) Pedrosa/Honda

3) Lorenzo/Yamaha

4) Crutchlow/Yamaha

5) Bradl/Honda

6) Rossi/Yamaha

7) Dovizioso/Ducati

8) Bautista/Honda

9) Hayden/Ducati

10)Iannone/Ducati

11)Espargaro/Aprilia CRT

12)Smith/Yamaha

13)Spies/Ducati

14)DePuniet/Aprilia CRT

15)Hernandez/Aprilia CRT

16)Laverty/Aprilia CRT

17)Aoyama/Kawasaki CRT

18)Barbera/Kawasaki CRT

19)Corti/Kawasaki CRT

20)Staring/Honda CRT

21)Young/Kawasaki CRT

DNF)Petrucci/BMW CRT (retired)

DNF)Pesek/BMW CRT (crash)

DNF)Edwards/Kawasaki CRT (retired)

T...Out

*Pics from MotoGP.com