skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Hello and welcome to the second round of the 2013 MotoGP season blah blah
blah blah Circuit of the Americas blah blah blah Texas. Last time out, at
Qatar, Lorenzo got the hole-shot and cruised home to take the win and lead
in the championship. In other Qatar news, a newly re-Yamaha’d Rossi bagged
a solid 2nd place, just beating out rookie Marc ‘Baby-faced assassin/The
Joker /BFA93/Marky Marq’ Marquez who took…duh…3rd.
On to Texas…Rossi, Lorenzo, Marquez, Pedrosa, and Bradl all took part in a
3 day test, last month, which supposedly gave them the advantage of
additional track time to learn the uber-tricky 20-turn circuit. Spies and
Hayden also got a chance to poop around the track on street bikes during a
Ducati PR event, last month. Because of all this additional track time, I
expected to see all seven of these riders on the podium on race day. I
don’t think that’s asking too much. On Wednesday night, someone left their
iron on in the Yamaha Tech 3 garage, and a small fire broke out. No bikes
were damaged, but some laptops and a few pairs of white sunglasses were
destroyed. The sprinkler system also went off, soaking everything in the
Tech 3 garage as well as those of the Factory Yamaha Team, the Repsol Honda
Team, the LCR Honda Team, and whatever team Karel Abraham rides for.
Squee-Gee party, tonight!
The teams got their garages tidied up in time for practice and qualifying,
which went a little something like this…Marky Marq took his debut pole in
MotoGP. He also become the youngest rider to take pole position in MotoGP
since Freddie ‘the key is’ Spencer, back in 1876. Pedrosa and Lorenzo
rounded out the front row. Tech 3’s Cal Crutchlow, who had no prior
experience at COTA, overcame the guilt he felt for leaving the iron on, and
qualified in a solid 4th place. Rossi wound up in 8th. Hayden and Spies
qualified in 10th and 12th...behind CRT rider Aleix Asparagus. As for the
rest of team America, Edwards ended up in 18th, and Attack CRT wildcard
entry, Blake Young, just managed to qualify for the race, and started from
lasteenth place. The other American wildcard entry, Michael Barnes on the
GP Tech CRT bike, did not qualify for the race, but I’m sure he stuck
around for a few $12 hamburgers.
One person who was noticeably absent from
the track was Texas’ Kevin Schwantz. Schwantz was the driving force in
bringing MotoGP to Texas, but some behind the scenes douchebaggery courtesy
of Dorna and COTA, and the resulting court case meant that Schwantz was
barred from the track. Dicks.
Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! The riders drag their asses out of bed,
shit/shower/shave, and line up on the starting grid. A moment of silence
is observed in tribute to the victims of the recent events in Boston and
West, Texas, then the lights go out and the riders to the go 'Two-wheel
Two-steppin' in Texas' (c. Jonathan Greene 2013) into the first turn.
Marquez takes the lead into turn 1, but runs a wee-bit wide, which allows
Pedrosa into the lead.
LCR Honda's Bradl slotted into 2nd, followed by
Marquez, Lorenzo, and Crutchlow. Ducati's Dovizioso made a decent start on
his red shopping cart in 6th. Rossi got a crap start but managed to take
over 6th from Dovizioso. Marquez quickly got past Bradl, and set off after
his teammate, little Dani P. A few corners later, Lorenzo also got past
Bradl, and took over 3rd. That was pretty neat.
Next on Bradl's 'who's
gonna pass me, next?' list is Crutchlow. For the next few laps Crutchlow
rides Bradl's ass (not in a prison-y way) and then makes a move, fucks that
up, runs wide, and heads back to the drawing board. Crutchlow finally manages to
reel Bradl back in, reattach himself to the German's ass, and eventually
gives him das boot via a fairly stout inside pass...par for the course for
Crutchlow.
Up in frontsville, Pedrosa is still leading with Marquez behind him, just
biding his time, and waiting to make a move. Lorenzo is still stuck back
in 3rd, where he will finish. Moving on...Everyone pretty much holds
station until there's 9 laps to go, when BFA93 delivers the death blow,
shoves Pedrosa aside, and scampers off to win the race, becoming the
youngest rider to ever win a MotoGP race. Nice work, kid. Pedrosa tries
to keep up, but eventually rolls it home in 2nd. Marquez' win has him tied
with Lorenzo for the championship lead at 41 points each. Game on!
Back in the pack, Rossi forgot to remove his disc lock, before the race,
and blamed his 6th place finish on a broken front brake rotor. As for the
'mericans, Hayden finished in an exceptionally average 9th place, Spies
crossed the line in 13th, and Blake Young finished where he started in
lasteenth place. Colin Edwards retired from the race with a broken
something-or-other.
Next stop is at Jerez, in Spain in two weeks. Will we see another Spanish
inquisition, or will Rossi leave the disc lock at home and do the business. He doesn't care, he's off to Charlotte to spend a day or two turning left.
Results, y'all;
1) Marquez/Honda
2) Pedrosa/Honda
3) Lorenzo/Yamaha
4) Crutchlow/Yamaha
5) Bradl/Honda
6) Rossi/Yamaha
7) Dovizioso/Ducati
8) Bautista/Honda
9) Hayden/Ducati
10)Iannone/Ducati
11)Espargaro/Aprilia CRT
12)Smith/Yamaha
13)Spies/Ducati
14)DePuniet/Aprilia CRT
15)Hernandez/Aprilia CRT
16)Laverty/Aprilia CRT
17)Aoyama/Kawasaki CRT
18)Barbera/Kawasaki CRT
19)Corti/Kawasaki CRT
20)Staring/Honda CRT
21)Young/Kawasaki CRT
DNF)Petrucci/BMW CRT (retired)
DNF)Pesek/BMW CRT (crash)
DNF)Edwards/Kawasaki CRT (retired)
T...Out
*Pics from MotoGP.com
Chaz doubles down...more news at 10:59.
So…it’s the first round of the 2013 MotoGP season at the ‘racetrack in a
sandbox’ Losail Circuit, in Qatar. This marks the tenth year that the
Losail circuit has been hosting MotoGP…don’t say I didn’t teach you
anything. The big news, which has all the Uccios at full-boney, is
that Valentino Rossi told Ducati to go get fucked, and re-jumped ship back
to the Factory Yamaha team, where he won some races and championships and
stuff, a few years ago. Ben Spies sort of did the same (minus the championships),
but in reverse, and ditched the Factory Yamaha for a satellite Ducati
shopping cart…I’m still baffled on this one, but, whatever. In other news,
Marc Marquez graduated from Moto2 to a top-shelf Repsol Honda ride (The
‘rookie rule’ is so 2010.), Dovizioso took over Rossi’s vacant Factory
Ducati, and Britain’s favorite Moto2 mid-packin’ ginger kid, Bradley Smith,
found himself on a Tech 3 Yamaha, for 2013…and that is how you write a
proper run-on sentence. Also, a bunch of CRT riders switched
teams/bikes/chassis/engines/sunglasses sponsors …Google it.
Also new for 2013 is the ‘new for 2013’ qualifying format. Pay attention
and take notes. The riders with the top ten times from all the free
practice sessions, combined, get a free pass through to the second (and
final) 15 minute qualifying session (QP2). Everyone else must go through
the first 15 minute qualifying session (QP1), with only the top two riders
in QP1 advancing to QP2. Andrea Iannone and USA’s Ben Spies were the only
prototype riders who did not make the cut for QP2, so they had to slum it
in QP1 with all the CRT riders. Iannone and Aleix Espargaro (ART Aprilia
CRT contraption) were the top two in QP1, and advanced to QP2. Big Ben
Spies didn’t make the cut. Are you getting all of this?
QP2. I think the idea behind having two short, 15 minute qualifying
sessions (versus a single 45-minute session), was that the riders would be
trying to set their fast laps right away, versus cruising around and
dicking around with bike adjustments, etc…more excitement, I guess. What
happened, especially in QP2, was sort of a traffic clusterfuck, with
everyone on track at the same time, getting in each other’s way. Jorge
Lorenzo made the smart move, and was the first one out on track, when the
session started. With no traffic in front of him, he banged out a few
fast laps, secured pole position, scurried back to his pitbox, and called
it a day. Rossi kind of fucked himself by entering the track behind a
bunch of slower riders. He didn’t really get any clear track, and ended up
qualifying 7th. Bummer dude. Calvin Crutchlow and Dani Pedrosa rounded
out the front row. The second row consisted of Dovizioso, Bradl, and
Marquez. As for the Yanks; Hayden 11th, Spies 13th, and Edwards 19th.
On to the race. The 'drivers'(c. 2013 Greg Creamer)grid up, random camel
poops are swept off the track by the corner workers, and its game on.
Lorenzo gets the jump on everyone and immediately opens up a gap. Pedrosa
slots into second, followed by Dovizioso, Crutchlow, and Rossi. Rossi gets
past Crutchlow and goes after Dovizioso. Rossi makes a move on Dovizioso
but runs wide. Later in the lap, Rossi takes another crack at Dovi and
gets past, but almost ass-packs Pedrosa in the process, and loses several
places. Up front, Lorenzo pretty much checks out, rides like a boss, and
wins the race by a country kilometer...enough about him.
Meanwhile, Marquez has been coming through the field, and is now on
Crutchlow's ass. Marquez eventually helps himself to an around-the-outside
move on Crutchlow, into turn 1, and sets after his teammate, wee-Dani P.
Crutchlow has latched on to Marquez and Dani P., but can't get past. Any
time he makes up in the tighter parts of the track is lost to the top speed
of the Hondas on the front straight. While all this is going on, Rossi is
two spots back trying to get past Bradl. Rossi finally murders Bradl on
the brakes and gets past. Bradl tries to hang with Rossi, but the German
no-can-do and beaches his u-boat in the process. Schiesse!
Finally, with clear track in front of him, Rossi (who is also riding in a
very 'boss-like' manner) starts to reel in the Pedrosa/Marquez/Crutchlow
funky bunch, who are about 5 seconds ahead. Six laps to go, and Marquez
moves past Pedrosa to take the the lead of the funky bunch. While this is
going on, Rossi finally latches on to the funky bunch, and gets past
Crutchlow (sending him off in to the desert in the process). Few corners
later, Rossi makes quick work of Pedrosa, into 3rd, and goes after Marquez.
Rossi goes past Marquez into a right-hander and makes it stick.
Marquez gets the spot back a the end of the front straight, but Rossi ain't got
time for that, and repays the favor two corners later. Rossi proceeds to
turn it up to 11, leaves Marquez behind, and brings it home in a solid
second place. Italy spontaneously combusts.
On the cool-down lap, Rossi's bike ran out of fuel, and he had to hitch a
ride to Parc Ferme' on the back of his Iannone's Ducati. Oh, the irony.
Result:
1)Lorenzo/Yamaha
2)Rossi/Yamaha
3)Marquez/Honda
4)Pedrosa/Honda
5)Crutchlow/Yamaha
6)Bautista/Honda
7)Dovizioso/Ducati
8)Hayden/Ducati
9)Iannone/Ducati
10)Spies/Ducati
11)Espargaro/ART Aprilia
12)De Puniet/ART Aprilia
13)Barbera/FTR Kawasaki
14)Hernandez/ART Aprilia
15)Aoyama/FTR Kawasaki
16)Corti/FTR Kawasaki
17)Laverty/PBM Aprilia
18)Pesek/Suter BMW
DNF)Edwards/FTR Kawasaki
DNF)Petrucci/Suter BMW
DNF)Bradl/Honda
DNF)Smith/Yamaha
DNF)Staring/FTR Honda
DNF}Abraham/ART Aprilia
So, that's about that...Lorenzo picks up where he left off, Rossi has his shit together, Marquez is legit, and Pedrosa is...well...Pedrosa. The next stop is in two weeks, when MotoGP makes its first appearance at the brand spankin' new Circuit of the Americas, which is located in Texas, America. New York City? Get a rope!
Photos from twitter.com/texastornado5 and www.motogp.com
T...out
