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I'd like to welcome both of my three followers back to the fourth round of
the 2013 MotoGP world championship at Le Mans, which according to Mapquest,
is in France. Last time out, at Jerez, lil' Dani Pedrosa took a
comfortable win, making him the third different winner in as many races.
That wasn't the top story, though. The big 'to-do' out of Jerez was Marc Marquez
punting Jorge Lorenzo off track in the final corner of the last lap. As a
result of his shenanigans, Marky Marquez bagged second place in the race, and
the lead in the championship points. Lorenzo managed third in the race, and epitomized
the phrase 'butthurt', in the process.
So here we are at soggy-assed Le Mans.
As usual, for a MotoGP weekend in France, the weather suited the
indigenious amphibian populaton with a fruity mix of rain, dry, kinda rainy
then dry, and dryish rainy conditions. After the three practice sessions,
the usual suspects were given a 'pass' into QP2, while the rest of the
'drivers' (c. Ralph Sheheen, 2013) duked it out in QP1. At the end of the
first QP session, it was Aleix Espargaro and France's Randy DePuniet who
were crowned the 'best of the rest', and advanced to the QP2 'Showcase
Showdown'. QP2 was a little more dryish than wettish, and a the end of the
session, it was Spain's Marc Marquez who was the closest without going
over. For his efforts, Marquez was rewarded with a waverunner, a pair of
4-wheelers, a pop-up camper, and pole position. Runner-up Jorge Lorenzo
went home with a dinette set, a Broyhill recliner, a set of steak kinives,
and second place on the grid. Dani Pedrosa was happy to accept some
handsome parting gifts and rounded out the front row in third position.
Everyone else went home to spay or neuter their pets.
Sunday, and although there are dry spots forming on track, the race is
declared wet...kind of the opposite of an old man's tighty whiteys.
Marquez kicks his umbrella girl, Vanna White, to the curb, the riders take
their warm-up lap and re-grid, the lights go out, and away we go. An odd
turn of events takes place at the moment the race starts; the Earth
momentarily stops spinning on its axis, which causes poleman Marquez to
drop back to someteenth place, while Ducati's (yes, you read that
correctly) Andrea Dovizioso takes the holeshot and leads everyone into the
first corner...followed by Lorenzo and Pedrosa. Behind them, it's Bradl,
Rossi, Hayden, and Crutchlow. At the end of the first lap Dovizioso has
actually put a gap (I'm for serious) on the field, while Pedrosa has gone
past Lorenzo for second.
A few laps later, Dovizioso's two-lap wet dream comes to an end as Pedrosa
overhauls him for the lead and scampers off for the win.
Meanwhile...Rossi, Crutchlow, and Hayden are closing on podium spots while
Lorenzo, bogged down by the weight of his newly acquired Boyhill recliner
which is bungee'd to his tail section, is dropping way back in the pack.
What about poleman Marquez? After shitting the bed on the start, he's back
on the case, up to seventh behind Bradl, and motoring.
In front of them, Hayden is pressuring Rossi for fourth. Rossi finally succumbs to Hayden's
tomfoolery and beaches his Yamaha. Hayden's podium challenge ended as he
was forced to avoid Rossi's yellow and blue yardsale...losing a lot of time
in the process. Bummer, dude. Rossi remounted and finished in twelfth.
So then, Crutchlow's up to second and Marquez is on Dovi's ass, in fourth,
with three to go.
Two laps to go, and Marquez gets past Dovizioso courtesy of a fuckin'
sweet inside/outside move into/out of the chicane. So, Pedrosa wins it,
and takes over at the front of the championship points in the process.
Crutchlow takes his best-ever MotoGP result in second. Marquez keeps his
podium run alive in third.
After the race, Jorge Lorenzo blamed his shitty result not on his
Broyhill, but on a crap Bridgestone tire. The Bridgestone engineers
investigated the situation and their conclusion was 'dude, you're high'.
Methinks someone's still suffering from an advanced case of buttis
hurturis.
Result;
1) Pedrosa/Honda
2) Crutchlow/Yamaha
3) Marquez/Honda
4) Dovizioso/Ducati
5) Hayden/Ducati
6) Bautista/Honda
7) Lorenzo/Broyhill
8) Pirro/Ducati
9) Smith/Ducati
10)Bradl/Honda
11)Iannone/Ducati
12)Rossi/Ducati
13)Espargaro/ART Aprilia
14)Petrucci/Suter BMW
15)Abraham/ART Aprilia
16)Edwards/FTR Kawasaki
17)Laverty/PBM Aprilia
18)Barbera/FTR Kawasaki
19)Aoyama/FTR Kawasaki
DNF)Hernandez/ART Aprilia
DNF)DePuniet/ART Aprilia
DNF)Pesek/Suter BMW
DNF)Corti/FTR Kawasaki
DNF)Staring/FTR Honda
The next stop is in Italy at Mugello. Will homeboy Rossi finally hit the top of the charts, or will the reign of Spain continue? Survey says...
This one's for Aaron.
T...out.
Hello and welcome to the second round of the 2013 MotoGP season blah blah
blah blah Circuit of the Americas blah blah blah Texas. Last time out, at
Qatar, Lorenzo got the hole-shot and cruised home to take the win and lead
in the championship. In other Qatar news, a newly re-Yamaha’d Rossi bagged
a solid 2nd place, just beating out rookie Marc ‘Baby-faced assassin/The
Joker /BFA93/Marky Marq’ Marquez who took…duh…3rd.
On to Texas…Rossi, Lorenzo, Marquez, Pedrosa, and Bradl all took part in a
3 day test, last month, which supposedly gave them the advantage of
additional track time to learn the uber-tricky 20-turn circuit. Spies and
Hayden also got a chance to poop around the track on street bikes during a
Ducati PR event, last month. Because of all this additional track time, I
expected to see all seven of these riders on the podium on race day. I
don’t think that’s asking too much. On Wednesday night, someone left their
iron on in the Yamaha Tech 3 garage, and a small fire broke out. No bikes
were damaged, but some laptops and a few pairs of white sunglasses were
destroyed. The sprinkler system also went off, soaking everything in the
Tech 3 garage as well as those of the Factory Yamaha Team, the Repsol Honda
Team, the LCR Honda Team, and whatever team Karel Abraham rides for.
Squee-Gee party, tonight!
The teams got their garages tidied up in time for practice and qualifying,
which went a little something like this…Marky Marq took his debut pole in
MotoGP. He also become the youngest rider to take pole position in MotoGP
since Freddie ‘the key is’ Spencer, back in 1876. Pedrosa and Lorenzo
rounded out the front row. Tech 3’s Cal Crutchlow, who had no prior
experience at COTA, overcame the guilt he felt for leaving the iron on, and
qualified in a solid 4th place. Rossi wound up in 8th. Hayden and Spies
qualified in 10th and 12th...behind CRT rider Aleix Asparagus. As for the
rest of team America, Edwards ended up in 18th, and Attack CRT wildcard
entry, Blake Young, just managed to qualify for the race, and started from
lasteenth place. The other American wildcard entry, Michael Barnes on the
GP Tech CRT bike, did not qualify for the race, but I’m sure he stuck
around for a few $12 hamburgers.
One person who was noticeably absent from
the track was Texas’ Kevin Schwantz. Schwantz was the driving force in
bringing MotoGP to Texas, but some behind the scenes douchebaggery courtesy
of Dorna and COTA, and the resulting court case meant that Schwantz was
barred from the track. Dicks.
Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! The riders drag their asses out of bed,
shit/shower/shave, and line up on the starting grid. A moment of silence
is observed in tribute to the victims of the recent events in Boston and
West, Texas, then the lights go out and the riders to the go 'Two-wheel
Two-steppin' in Texas' (c. Jonathan Greene 2013) into the first turn.
Marquez takes the lead into turn 1, but runs a wee-bit wide, which allows
Pedrosa into the lead.
LCR Honda's Bradl slotted into 2nd, followed by
Marquez, Lorenzo, and Crutchlow. Ducati's Dovizioso made a decent start on
his red shopping cart in 6th. Rossi got a crap start but managed to take
over 6th from Dovizioso. Marquez quickly got past Bradl, and set off after
his teammate, little Dani P. A few corners later, Lorenzo also got past
Bradl, and took over 3rd. That was pretty neat.
Next on Bradl's 'who's
gonna pass me, next?' list is Crutchlow. For the next few laps Crutchlow
rides Bradl's ass (not in a prison-y way) and then makes a move, fucks that
up, runs wide, and heads back to the drawing board. Crutchlow finally manages to
reel Bradl back in, reattach himself to the German's ass, and eventually
gives him das boot via a fairly stout inside pass...par for the course for
Crutchlow.
Up in frontsville, Pedrosa is still leading with Marquez behind him, just
biding his time, and waiting to make a move. Lorenzo is still stuck back
in 3rd, where he will finish. Moving on...Everyone pretty much holds
station until there's 9 laps to go, when BFA93 delivers the death blow,
shoves Pedrosa aside, and scampers off to win the race, becoming the
youngest rider to ever win a MotoGP race. Nice work, kid. Pedrosa tries
to keep up, but eventually rolls it home in 2nd. Marquez' win has him tied
with Lorenzo for the championship lead at 41 points each. Game on!
Back in the pack, Rossi forgot to remove his disc lock, before the race,
and blamed his 6th place finish on a broken front brake rotor. As for the
'mericans, Hayden finished in an exceptionally average 9th place, Spies
crossed the line in 13th, and Blake Young finished where he started in
lasteenth place. Colin Edwards retired from the race with a broken
something-or-other.
Next stop is at Jerez, in Spain in two weeks. Will we see another Spanish
inquisition, or will Rossi leave the disc lock at home and do the business. He doesn't care, he's off to Charlotte to spend a day or two turning left.
Results, y'all;
1) Marquez/Honda
2) Pedrosa/Honda
3) Lorenzo/Yamaha
4) Crutchlow/Yamaha
5) Bradl/Honda
6) Rossi/Yamaha
7) Dovizioso/Ducati
8) Bautista/Honda
9) Hayden/Ducati
10)Iannone/Ducati
11)Espargaro/Aprilia CRT
12)Smith/Yamaha
13)Spies/Ducati
14)DePuniet/Aprilia CRT
15)Hernandez/Aprilia CRT
16)Laverty/Aprilia CRT
17)Aoyama/Kawasaki CRT
18)Barbera/Kawasaki CRT
19)Corti/Kawasaki CRT
20)Staring/Honda CRT
21)Young/Kawasaki CRT
DNF)Petrucci/BMW CRT (retired)
DNF)Pesek/BMW CRT (crash)
DNF)Edwards/Kawasaki CRT (retired)
T...Out
*Pics from MotoGP.com
So...the 12th round of the MotoGP championship heads back over the pond to Brno for the Grand Prix České republiky (or something like that). Last week, at the Indianapolis Supermotorbrickway, little Dani Pedrosa bagged his second win of the year over JLo and everyone else. This time, at Brno, Stoner and Hayden are out, which puts Stoner further back in the championship points, and Hayden even furtherer back, in Kentucky. With Stoner out, could we see a possible 2012 podium debut from Spies, Crutchlow, or Bradl?
In other news...after being dicked around by Ducati with the promise of a factory ride in 2013, Crutchlow finally said 'fuck it', and re-signed with his current Tech 3 Yamaha team, for next year. With Dovizioso off to the Factory Ducati team, Crutchlow will be joined, next year, by fellow Brit and current Moto 2 midpack Ginger-kid, Bradley Smith. Smashing.
In other other news...in the latest episode of 'As The Ben Turns', we find young Mr. Spies struggling with some very pressing decisions regarding next season. Gresini Honda in MotoGP, A factory BMW in World Superbike, or pack it all in, and head back to Texas to flip burgers and race bicycles? Enquiring minds want to know, yo.
Qualifying...JLo's on pole. Calvin Crutchlow and Pedro round out the front row. The Ben heads up the second row, followed by Dovizioso and Rossi. German wunderkind, Stefan Bradl, puts his Rammstein-sponsored Honda at the top of the third row, with Bautista and daddy's boy Abraham (his pops owns the track), in tow.
On to the race...JLo gets a totally bitchin' start, and leads the posse in to turn 1, followed by Pedro and Crutchlow. Spies gets away in fourth, but gets taken by Rossi and Dovi in the next few corners. A few corners later, Spies throws out an arm-up S.O.S, pulls off the racing line, and drops back to thirteenth-ish....his 2012 'Black cats and broken mirrors' tour seems to be in full effect.
Meanwhile, back in Gotham City, Spanish super-chums JLo and Pedro continue on at the front, followed by Calvin, in a solid third. Rossi's looking decent in fifth, just behind Dovi, but can't seem to make any forward progress. The Ducati mechanics had planned on this, and figured if Rossi can't move forward, then they'll just have to keep everyone else behind. They did this by implementing a clever 'Spy vs. Spy' smoke screen tactic. Upon downshifting/braking, Rossi's Ducati would fart out a cloud of blue smoke to keep his followers at bay.
14 laps to go...Spies gets his shit together, starts picking off some of the midpack fellas, and cracks the top ten. Up front, JLo's still leading, but has been closed down by Pedro...we might have a race on our hands. Back in fifth, the smoke-shooter-outer thingy on Rossi's Ducati seems to have malfunctioned, which has allowed Bradl to close in and get all up his business. Bradl goes up the inside of Rossi who pays him back on the next corner. Bradl counter-counters on the next corner, and makes it stick, for fifth. Back in the pack, Spies rides under a ladder, loses the front and fires his Yamaha into the gravel. Par for the course.
Up front...Pedro shadow JLo, takes over at the front, and the announcers say something about doing 'donkey work'. JLo is not discouraged. He summons the powers of Donnie Wahlberg, and hangs tough behind Pedro. Things hold station, until the last lap, when JLo takes the wide line into the hairpin, turns it in, and barges Pedro out of the way courtesy of a rather generous helping of stuffing. Pedrosa ain't tryin' to hear that, and looks to get past JLo, on the brakes, a few corners later. JLo holds firm on the outside, but runs it wide, which allows Pedro to fire a shot across his bow, square off the corner, and take his third win of the season. Chocala!
Further back, Crutchlow rails out of the final corner, Nick Harris and Gavin Emmett blow their loads, and Crutchlow takes his maiden MotoGP podium...and the first MotoGP podium by a Brit since 1886. Cracking.
Result:
1) Pedrosa / Repsol Honda
2) Lorenzo / Factory Yamaha
3) Crutchlow / Tech 3 Yamaha
4) Dovizioso / Same as Crutchlow
5) Bradl / Rammstein Honda
6) Baustista / Gresini Honda
7) Rossi / Factory Ducati
8) De Puniet / Power Electronics Aspar
9) Abraham / Cardion AB Ducati
10) Espargaro / Power Electronics Aspar
11) Elias / Pramac Ducati
12) Hernandez / BQR
13) Edwards / NGM Forward Racing
14) Pirro / Gresini Honda
15) Ellison / Paul Bird Racing
16) Pasini / Speed Master
17) Petrucci / Ioda Racing Project
DNF) Silva / BQR
DNF) Spies / Factory Yamaha
DNS) Stoner / Repsol Honda
Alrighty then...Jlo leaves Brno with a smaller'd points lead over Pedro. Stoner still has a mathematical shot at the 2012 title, but is likely to be out of the next two rounds due to his injured ankle. Current Castrol Honda World Superbike rider/wrecking ball, Johnny Rea, has been drafted in to fill Stoner's shoes (get it?), if needed.
Next stop is in two weeks at the awesomely-renamed Misano World Circuit Marco Simoncelli in San Marino. The word on the worldwide interwebs is that Homeboy Hayden will be back in action. Get there.
T...out.
*Pics from mcnews.com.au and some random Google searches.
