Okay guys it's time to open the potato chips to 11, spin up the rear Buds and draughtaway the constitution as I, the overly righteous Reverend R.Mamola esq, lock and load you the information-boulevard on our next target – The GP of French at the Le Moan 200 Raceaway Park.
Now I hate all the European countries with the exact highly banked level of hatredaway so choosing the one single country I hate the most is, for obviously, totally impossible. But if I were to pick the one I hate the most for sure it's easy as I would always chose France.
The nation of France goes against every constitution I've ever pledged my over-spangled flag of allegiance to and it's making no in-roads into the 'Roadmap of Randy' I issued to them last year.
Take freedom fries. They're the very basis of a foundation of a basis to base your base on. But no. These white flag wavers have lowsided the freedom fries into the gutter rebranding them 'French' fries. Now I'm no Walter Scheib but for sure these half-baked Frenchie fries lack the constitution grease that their Freedom rivals envelope with pride.
Their fries, essentially, are just a watered down version of the real thing – just like their cars. Their automobiles are the same. Take their top brands like Peugeot, Renault and Mazda. Where in their line up is the overly-rich, octane fuelled V8 over-blown chop top? Nowhere. All I can see is a selection of faceless vegetarian automobiles sporting pram tires and running on extra-low combustion rosewater. This is why this country has never, will never, can never and can never will have been anything but non-spangled. I'm sure of that for sure I'm sure.
I've heard a rumour that this Le Moan dumpster is actually a famous raceway. I couldn't find anything about it on wikipedia.usa but the locals speak of it staging the most famous race in the world. Apparently it's some sort of day long hot-rod race broken up into six quarters and controlled by yellow flags. But I see no banking to support this. Famous or not it's definitely I'm sure for sure no Buttonwillow Raceway Park and lacks the pro-cambered curve-outs that any real raceway requires.
Now I've no idea what State I'm in here or who the hell the local sheriff is but I do know, I figure, that it rains a lot here. Rain brings challenges and as far as I can see there are three ways to ride in the rain – equally dividable 50/50.
First of all we have the homestead ranchburger method. This involves a fist full of twistgrip that will inline-away feed the Monterey Jack to the rear - spinning up the hoop to the max and oversteering the curves. This method is favoured by players like the young Nicky Hayden and Hoppers to name but one.
Or we have the fourth method, or 'method c' if you like. This method is sadly what we get when we run a world series out of the sunshine States. Here the players will try to keep the lock at minimum, lean angles vertical and lines gutter-hogging. There's not a single person who wants to see this and those that do should be handed an orange suit and an American Airline boarding pass to Guantanamo.
A couple of standout players this year have been Colin 'the refried beans' Edwards. I expect Col to once again go all the way and clinch yet another victory for his belt. Only a fool would honestly believe Colin would, could, or would finish anywhere this weekend but on the top step of the podium. So who's my money on to win? I'd have to go with Young Nicky Hayden as his consistency has remained constantly constant throughoutaway the so far season so far.
Randy's big race prediction
1) John 'Hopkins' Hopper
2) Colin 'the refried beans' Edwards
3) Young Nicky Hayden
Constructor: McDonnell Douglas
MVP: Joey Chestnut
Okay guys, I've delayed the inevitable far too long – it's time to load up the B52 and regulate a classic pincer bliss-out manoeuvre on these flag burners.
Keep it on islands – Stateside!
Randy #2
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