Worldsuperbike - Port of Mayo

As you know...American Ben's Pies needed to win both races at this year's final outing to take the World Superbike title in his rookie season. If Spies were to win both races, he would arrive at the end of the season equal on points with current points leader, Nori Haga, but would take the title due to having (way) more race wins. There are several more race finish/points scenarios that would work in Spies' favor, but I was told there'd be no math.

Race 1...Starting from his 11th pole of the year, Spies got a good start, and took all the pretenders around the outside for the lead into turn 1. Biaggi and his Aprilia managed to tuck in behind Spies in 2nd, followed by Shakey Byrne in 3rd. Donde esta senior Haga? Up to 7th from his 10th place start. Spies set the outright lap record on his first flying lap...guess who won the race? Spies and Biaggi put a decent gap on everyone else until the 6th lap, when it happened...Haga tossed it away as he lost the front into the hairpin.

Haga wasn't able to get back on track, which gifted Spies (yeah, he won the race) a 15 point championship lead going into the final race of the year. A few lap later, Honda's Johnny Rea made made his way up into 2nd. Spies crossed the line in 1st, with Rea in 2nd, and Biaggi holding of Byrne for the final spot ont he podium (that'd be 3rd)

Race 2...Despite Haga's race 1 tip over, If Haga managed to win race 2, Spies still needed, roughly, a 6th place finish to nab the title in his rookie season. Lights out, and FastBikes video star, Shane Byrne, gets the whore-shot on his private Duck, with Spies in 2nd. Meanwhile, Haga skipped the extra helping of Sushi over the lunch break, and bolted up to 5th from the grid. At the end of the next lap, Rea took 'The Ben' at the end of the front straight for 2nd. Methinks that Spies did his pre-race math, and was completely aware of who needed to be where so that he could wrap up the title...in addition, Rea ranks equal to Fabrizio in the 'Bonzai' department, so he was happy to usher him through. Safety first.

Much to the distaste of the Ducati bosses, Fabrizio made his way past Haga (he'll be sleeping with the fishes) and Rea too take the lead. Fabreze held on for the win with haga right behind him in 2nd. Rea took 3rd with Byrne in 4th. Spies played it safe and kroozed home in xtreme style in 5th to wrap up his, and Yamaha's', inaugural World SuperBike title. Word.

Final Rider's Standings;

1) Ben Spies - Yamaha - 462

2) Noriyuki Haga - Ducati - 456

3) Michel Fabrizio - Ducati - 382

4) Max Biaggi - Aprilia - 319

5) Johnny Rea - Honda - 315

There ya go...game, set, match. Spies, and his title, are off to the Yamaha Tex-Trois MotoGP team to bang-up with Edwards next season. Spies will even be 'wildcarding' during the final race of the 2009 MotoGP season on the Yamaha MotoGP bike at Valencia next week. Next season, current MotoGP flunkout, James Toseland, will take The Ben's spot on the factory R-Series Yamaha alongside 2009 World Supersport champeem, Cal Crutchlow in next year's Yamaha WorldSuperbike effort.

Buy me a shot.

T...out.

!!!SUNDAY!!!

Epic racing tomorrow with both the MotoGP and World Superbike titles up for grabs.

In MotoGP, Champeenship leader Rossi will start the MotoGP of Malaria from pole position. The only dude who still has a shot at the title, Lorenzo, will start the race from second. With a 38 point gap between these two, Rossi only needs a 4th place finish to wrap up his umpteenth world title with one race to go. Homeboy Haybale put in a decent qualifying effort, and will start at the top of the 3rd row in 7th. Colin the Texan will start four places back from his usual spot in 9th.

On the World BetterRacing front...At Portimao, Yamaha R-series pilot, Ben Spies, will start the final two races of the year from pole...his 11th this year. One Mr. Noriyuki Haga goes into this final round with a 10 point championship lead, but will be starting from a not-so-hot 10th place on the grid. If "The Ben" manages to win both races, and Haga finishes 2nd in both, they will be tied on points, but Spies will take the title onnacounta he has a truckload more wins than Haga this season. Either way, Spies is off to MotoGP next year to pardner up with Colin the Edwards at Tex-Trois Yamaha.

If Haga doesn't seal the deal this year, there's always next year as he has re-signed with Xerox Ducati for 2010. Also...in in an effort to give Spies as much MotoGP seat time as possible, Yamama will be supplying an additional bike for the final MotoGP round at Valencia this year for Spies to run as a wildcard. Will he beat Toseland? The fortune cookie that came with my shlimp flied lice says 'yes'.

My plan is to get an early drunk-on, and be home by 1a.m. to watch the MotoGP race live online...you should do the same. After that, I'll sleep off the booze, then throw a corned beef in the crock pot and catch the World Superbike races on SpudTV.

Sunday races on SPEEDTV:

WSBK Race 1 @ 2p.m. CST

WSBK Race 2 @ 3p.m. CST

MotoGP 250 @ 4p.m. CST

MotoGP @ 5p.m. CST

T...out

MotoGP Phillip Island - Oi!

Last time out, at Portugal, Lorenzo cut Rossi's championship lead to just 18 points courtesy of a win and the fact the Rossi rode a 'crap' race, where he finished in a lowly 4th place. I can think of more than a few riders on the MotoGP grid who would gladly shoot a puppy if they were told they would be gifted a 4th plave race result in exchange.

During qualifying, Stoner did what he normally does...goes out and sets the fastest lap, and then hibernates in his pit box with his hot wife and waits for someone else to come close to his time. In this case, it was Rossi that managed to set the new fast lap. Stoner got back out there and vaporized Rossi's lap time, while Melandri vaporized a Seagull. So, the front row was Stoner, Rossi, and Pedrosa. Lorenzo started off of the front row for the first time this year in 4th. Number 5, Colin Edwards, started from 5th. Guess where he finished...again. Homeboy Haystack started from a decent 7th. So that's that...moving on.

The riders grid up, the locals stop drinking, fighting, and beating their wives, and it's game on. Pedrosa gets his usual 'fat bike with a little guy' start, and hits the front. Hayden had gotten a decent start, and looked to be up to 4th, until Lorenzo (who got a shit start) butt-packed him going into turn 1. Hayden managed to keep it upright...over the gravel and through he grass, it's the back of the pack he went. Hayden rejoined the race in 15th (last) about 1/2 an hour behind everyone else. Lorenzo managed to destroy his front brakes when he hit Hayden, and had no choice but to pile off into gravel. Game over.

A few corners later, made an inside move on Pedrosa, but run ran wide. Fail. Pedrosa still at the front. Rossi was sitting right on Stoner's ass in 3rd and looking to get up into the lead. The next lap, Stoner took Pedro on the brakes for the lead. Rossi, doing his best Stoner impression, also went by Pedro on the brakes at the Honda hairpin and up to 2nd place.

From here on out, it was pretty much Stoner and Rossi. Pedrosa did try to fight back against Rossi at the end of the front straight, but that was pretty much pointless. Stoner took off at the front for a few laps, but Rossi managed to keep him in check. From there it was a matter of Stoner playing puppet master to Rossi as he managed the gap and kept Rossi just far enough back to not be a threat. Witnessing Stoner lighting up his rear tire into turn 3 was absolutely bananas. Stoner fired it home for a win at his home GP. With Lorenzo's oopsie, Rossi bagged a 38 point championship lead with two races to go. Rad.

Race Result:

1) Stoner-Marlboro Ducati

2) Rossi-Fiat Yamacka

3) Pedrosa-Repsol Honda

4) DeAngelis-San Carlo Honda

5) Take a guess-duh

6) Dovizioso-Repsol Honda

7) Melandri-Hayate

8) DePuniet-Playboy Honda

9) Kallio-Pramac Ducati

10) Elias-San CarloHonda

11) Vermeulen-Rizla Suzuki

12) Capirossi-Rizla Suzuki

13) Talmacsi-Scot Honda

14) Toseland-Tech 3Yamaha

15) Hayden-Marlboro Ducati

No can do: Lorenzo and a Seagull.

Next weekend it's Malaysia, where Rossi could wrap up the title.

T...out.

MotoGP Estoril...Rocket Man

MotoGP at Estoril in Portugal...no one's home race. Valentino Rossi came into this round with a 30 point championship lead over teammate Jorge Lorenzo. Casey Stoner came into this round fresh off a self-induced 3 race absence that he spent back in the land down under being treated for a brutal case of Kangaroo Flu. Many wondered if Stoner would even show up at all. Well...he showed up, told Schwantz to shut the fuck up, and qualified in 3rd. Not bad for being off the bike for 9 weeks. JLo and Rossi started from Pole and 2nd respectively. What about the 'mericans? Edwards started from Edwardth and Hayden from 9th. So there.

This is also 'contract time', when under performing and sponsorship-challenged riders get canned to make way for new blood. Rossi and Lorenzo will be back next year with Fiat Yamaha. Rumor is that Rossi may jump ship to Ducati at the end of 2010. World Superbike hotshot Ben Spies will be pardner'd up with Edwards at Tex 3 Yamaha...Toseland got shuffled back to World Superbike to ride a factory Yamaha R1 and play a Yamaha piano in his gay cover band. Vermeulen is also heading off to World Superbike, where he will ride for the 'factory' Kawasaki team, while 250cc maniac, Alvaro Bautista, will step up to take his seat on the Suzuki MotoGP bike along side Capirossi. Stoner and Hayden at Ducati. Dovi and Pedrosa at Repsol Honda. Melandri and Simoncelli at Gresini Honda. Elias looks to be off to Moto2, and DeAngelis to a disco.

>

Back to the race...Lights out and Pedrosa, who is made of styrofoam, went straight to the front of the pack. Pedro's lead lasted roughly 4 corners, until he ran wide and let Lorenzo and his fucking sweet Neil Armstrong tribute helmet up into the lead. From there, JLo pretty much scurried off to a lonely 4th win of the season by a gap of over 7 seconds. Meanwhile, Rossi sat in 3rd with Stoner right on his ass. 2 corners into the 2nd lap, Stoner took Rossi for 2nd courtesy of a rather ballsy inside move and quickly closed down on Pedrosa in 2nd. As for Rossi, that was as good as it was going to get. That's right, the world champ finished in 4th...this was also the first time he has ever finished off the podium at Estoril. Gutted.

26 laps to go, and Stoner smokes Pedro on the brakes at the end of the front straight to take over 2nd...but not before grinding his right footpeg on the previous corner. Nine weeks off the bike? Yeah, right.

With JLo long gone, the top four places were pretty much done and dusted. What else was going on, you ask? Well, not a whole hell of a lot. Homeboy Hayden had gotten a decent start, but was starting to go backwards and ended the day in 9th. Edwards finished where he started...in 5th. Elias was in true 'contract time' mode and finished 6th from his 13th place start...ape style.

Yep...Lorenzo's win cut Rossi's lead in the champeenship from 30 to 18 points with three races to go. Even though he missed three races, Stoner was only 3 points off of Pedrosa in 3rd. After another one of his epic celebration wheelies, Lorenzo pulled to the side of the track, grabbed a 'Lorenzoland' flag, and did a slow motion space walk into the gravel to plant the flag...excellent. Not only is JLo challenging Rossi for the title, but also in the post race celebration department.

Race Result:

1) Lorenzo-Yamaha

2) Stoner-Ducati

3) Pedrosa-Honda

4) Rossi-Yamaha

5) Edwards-Yamaha

6) Elias-Honda

7) Dovizioso-Honda

8) Hayden-Ducati

9) Toseland-Yamaha

10) Vermeulen-Suzuki

11) DePuniet-Honda

12) Melandri-Hayate

13) Canepa-Ducati

14) Talmacsi

DNF:

Capirossi-Suzuki

Kallio-Ducati

DeAngelis-Honda

Next stop: Phillip Island

T...out

Moto GP Misano - When Donkeys Fly

Last time out at Indianapolis, Rossi saw his 50 point championship lead axed in half courtesy of his turn 2 crash and Lorenzo's win. Rossi later stated that while he was sliding ass-over-tit across the the Indy tarmac, he managed to form a solitary thought..."I am a donkey".

Fast forward to Misano...Rossi's 'home' track. Rossi, in his usual "no shame in my game" style, was sporting the Shrek donkey on his helmet...excellent!. Rossi and his donkey were fastest in every session and took pole position followed by Pedrosa and Indy race winner Lorenzo. Along with Rossi, this was also the 'home' race for Ducati, as their workshop is just a hop, skip, and a jump (over a puddle of spilt olive oil) down the road. With Stoner still on 'hiatus', the Ducatisti (Ducati nerds who have, or wish they had, a 916 with zero miles parked in their living room as a conversation piece) put their hopes on Nicky Hayden and his 6th position on the grid.

Alrighty then...game on. Lights out, and Pedrosa immediately hits the front. Two corners later the basic technique of braking is all but forgotten by DeAngelis as he torpedoes Edwards, who in turn takes out Hayden. Even before the dust had settled, Hayden is on his feet and charging DeAngelis. I smell a hate crime coming on. I found a brilliant fan video of the whole incident on that one video site, but won't post it here...F-bombs galore!

Actual quotes from their post race interviews:

Hayden; "...out of the corner of my eye I seen DeAngelis...I seen this fruity...ya' know...that rainbow helmet and I knew that wasn't gonna work."

Edwards; "We're in Italy, so there's always gotta be some dumbass Italian being a hero."

Back to the action...Pedrosa continued on at the front followed closely by Contract Time. While this was going on, Lorenzo (who almost got taken out by DeAngelis' turn 2 bowling party) stuffed Rossi and took over 3rd. A few laps later, Rossi returned the favor on Lorenzo and took off for Contract Time and Pedro. Rossi and Lorenzo then tag-teamed Contract Time and shuffled his ass back to 4th and one step closer to collecting unemployment benefits. To be fair, I think Elias and his 'Planet of the Apes' riding style totally belong in MotoGP...one of my faves, for surely.

Meanwhile, back in the race...Pedrosa was still at the front, but that wouldn't last. 21 laps to go, and Pedrosa had a little whoopsie which allowed the Donkey through to hightail it on to his sixth win of the season. Point:Rossi. With Rossi gone in the distance, Lorenzo and Pedro had their own little scrap going for second. 15 to go, and little Pedro had another little whoopsie, which let his BFF Lorenzo through and up into 2nd. Lorenzo didn't take off right away. Instead, he hung around and toyed with Pedrosa for a bit before getting bored with that and taking off to do another epic celebration wheelie across the line for 2nd. Pedro pooped it home in a safe 3rd, followed by everyone else minus the Grupo de Gravel.

Race Result: 1)Rossi 2)Lorenzo 3)Pedrosa 4)Dovizioso 5)Capirossi 6)Elias 7)Kallio 8)Melandri 9)Vermeulen 10)Toseland 11)Espargaro 12)DePuniet
13)Canepa 14)Talmacsi

Grupo de Gravel: Hayden/Edwards/DeAngelis

With 4 races to go, Rossi now holds a not-so-safe 30 point lead over Lorenzo. Next stop is Portugal, where Stoner is rumored to be making his return. Will he actually show?

(Pictures courtesy of www.superbikeplanet.com and www.motogp.com)

Indianapolis MotoGP

Stateside again...this time at the overrated Indianapolis Motorspeedway...The Brickyard! Who's going to kiss the bricks this year? I've always wondered...when a rider crosses the 'yard of bricks', does it make a 'fart' sound similar to those rumble-bumps that lead up to stop signs on rural highways?. Grab yourself a porkchop on a stick and let's find out!

The organizers do an excellent job of organizing and promoting the race, but the track itself is a bit rinky dink...it is basically comprised of one part aircraft carrier and two parts parking lot cone zone...sprinkle in a variety of surfaces for good measure and even better crashes.

Last years' event played Tina to Hurricane Ike. Crap weather all weekend, spectators getting slapped (get it?) around by the wind, MotoGP race cut short, and the 250's were scrapped altogether...all while Yamaha's display tent made its way onto the back straight. Thrilling. This year looked to be more of the same...Friday's first practice went from wettish, to drying, to wet again, and finally, wetter. Pedrosa was fast all weekend and took pole...Lorenzo and Rossi filled out the first row of the grid. The great American hopes of Hayden and Edwards filled out the ass end of the second row. With Stoner still back in Australia battling the Kangaroo flu, or whatever, it looked like the race would be a 3-way fight amongst the front row dudes...or would it? Rossi came into this round 50 points ahead of Lorenzo in the championship. Lorenzo came into this round with a sweet Captain America replica helmet. Pedrosa came into this round on a tricycle.

Sunday came, and holy shit...it was sunny! Asparagus won the 125's, Simoncelli took the 250's, the MotoGP 'drivers' took their grid spots, our national anthem was poorly karaoke'd by Miss America, and boom goes the dynamite! As expected, lil' Dani took the lead as the field piled into turn 1 and by the time lap 1 was completed, he had gapped the field by a little over a second...followed by Rossi and Lorenzo.

Edwards was sitting back in 4th, but was being pushed from the rear by DeAngelis (#15) and his helmet. DeAngelis was really giving Edwards a hard time and went up the inside of him at turn 2, but Edwards returned the favor and retook his position. At this point, DeAngelis asserted his dominance and took the top position, between the two, for the final time. Nicky Hayden followed DeAngelis' example and also went up the inside of Edwards to take another position.

Meanwhile...things at the front remained the same until the end of the third lap, when Pedrosa lost the front of his Honda going into the tight final corner. To his credit (and the onlooker's amazement), Pedro managed to lift his bike up, remount (28 seconds behind the last place rider) and charge through to an eventual 10th place finish. Nice work, little dude.

And then there were two...with Pedro out, Lorenzo wasted no time in closing the gap on Rossi. A few laps later, Lorenzo took the lead from Rossi at the end of the aircraft carrier. Now that was Rossi sitting in 2nd, he did what he usually does and applied the pressure from behind. He followed Lorenzo around for a few laps and then REALLY applied the pressure...to the Indy tarmac with his helmet and leathers. That's right, Rossi crashed out. Bummer. He managed to get back on track, but retired a few laps later with a bent something-or-other.

With Rossi out (and his 50 championship lead about to be slashed in half), Lorenzo enjoyed roughly a 2 day lead over evryone else. What's a boy to do? Spend the last 2 laps of the race practicing his victory wheelie...which, in the end, was really fucking long. DeAngelis cruised to his first MotoGP podium in a safe 2nd place. In the closing laps, Hayden sat in third, but was under fire from Dovizioso. Spurred on by the fact that the sooner he finished the race, the sooner he could get out of his ridiculous KFC bucket-themed leathers. Hayden succeeded in holding off Dovi and took the final spot on the podium.

So, there you have it....Lorenzo is back in the title chase as the series heads to Rossi's home race at San Marino next weekend. Game on!

Race Result: 1)Lorenzo 2)DeAngelis 3)Hayden 4)Dovizioso 5)Edwards 6)Toseland 7)Capirossi 8)Kallio 9)Elias 10)Pedrosa 11)Vermeulen 12)DePuniet 13)Espargaro 15)Talmacsi

Gravelboat:Rossi/Melandri/Canepa

**Pics courtesy of superbikeplanet.com and motogp.com

T...out

MotoGP Brno

Well, the Summer break is over and the all the riders (except Stoner) and their crews had to drag their asses out of the discos, off the beaches, and head to the Brno curcuit in Czechland to start the second 'half' of the MotoGP season. Coming into this round, Rossi held a 25 point championship lead over teammate/rival Jorge Lorenzo. Stoner, who decided to take some additional vacation time (more on that later), sat 37 points behind Rossi.

After crashing during qualifying, Rossi decided to set the fastest lap of the session and started the race from pole. Rossi's homie, J-Lo, was looking to beat Rossi in a head-to-head fight at Brno, and strenghten his argument that he should be the top dog in the Fiat Yamaha garage. Even if J-Lo manages to finish above Rossi, the odds of him becoming the lead rider are about as good as me emptying my dishwasher AND curing all forms of cancer in the next 45 minutes. 140,000 vowel-starved fans packed the stands at Brno. According to the MotoGP announcers, the on-site vendors started selling pints of beer at 7am, and by the start of the 250 race, had sold out. Take it from me, never underestimate the value of a flask of vodka...even if it's 'Speedway' brand vodka purchased at a truck stop 15 miles West of Indianapolis. Enough about that...here we go.

So then...under the glorious Eastern European sunshine, the lights go green, and Rossi gets the jump, but Pedrosa manages to take the lead into turn 1. Pedrosa's lead lasted roughly two corners as Rossi went up the inside to take his spot at the top of the charts. JLo sat in third behind Pedro and looked to soon dispatch his pint-sized BFF.

...and then on lap 394, Buddy Lee Gordon's Tidemobile made contact with Shooter McBain's Farm and Country-sponsored Oldsmobuick sending them both ass-over-tit into the wall, which brought out the red flag. As the cars lined up behind the pacecar, the safety truck, a tractor, and the National Guard were brought out to help remove a piece of tire that was leftover from the incident... Crap! Who changed the channel!?

Sorry about that. We now return to our regularly-scheduled crap...20 laps to go, and not a lot has changed. On the star-spangled front, Edwards (P6) and Hayden (P7) are slowly making time on the lead group. Nice work. A few laps later, JLo helps himself past Pedrosa into second place and sets sail for Rossi at the front. JLo began to close the gap on Rossi. Rossi, in all his Rossiness, let JLo pester him for a bit before opening the door letting JLo past him...hook, line, and sinker.

8 to go, not much has changed. Rossi and JLo continue to trade the fasted laps of the race. In other news...Toni 'contract time' Elias and Andrea 'the other Repsol rider' Dovizioso continued to take pot-shots at each other for the last podium spot. While Dovi looked much smoother, Elias looked a lot more bonkers/determined/contractless/fun to watch/ape/sideways/whatever...take your pick. Elias ended up on the box. Oonga boonga.

Back up front, JLo looked quick, but you could tell Rossi was biding his time and applying the pressure. 5 laps to go, and the ghosts of Biaggi and Gibbers reemerge in the form of JLo chucking his Yamaha into the scenery. Game, set, match...Rossi's gone and showboating for the win. Pedro came home in a solitary second followed by 'Contract Time' in third.

Result:

1)Rossi - Yamaha

2)Pedrosa - Honda

3)Elias - Honda

4)Dovizioso - Honda

5)Capirossi - Suzuki

6)Hayden - Ducati

7)Edwards - Yamaha

8)DeAngelis - Honda

9)Toseland - Yamaha

10)DePuniet - Bunny Bike

11)Vermeulen - Suzuki

12)Canepa - Ducati

13)Talmcsi - Honda

Gravelboat:

Kallio (in for Stoner)

Melandri

Lorenzo

Fabrizio (in for Kallio)

Dude, where's my Stoner? Good question. His plan is to sit out the next three rounds (including Brno) to give him time time to diagnose/treat his mystery illness. Insiders say he's lost his will to compete at the top level and that he may be done...I hope not. In the meantime, Ducati has offered Lorenzo 7 million dollars/Euros/whatever for his services next season. Fairly interesting, considering they want to hang on to Hayden. Hmmm...

Next stop...Indianapolis Motorspeedway here in the U.S. of A. If you're heading downtown for the festivities, don't speed down Meridian St.

T...out.

MotoGP Donington

You don't turd on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and you don't mess around with thinking there will be a completely dry motorcycle race at Donington Park...ever.

This is the last time a MotoGP race will be held at Donington. Starting next year, the British round of MotoGP will be held at Silverstone, leaving Donington to host Formula 1 and several different 'Monsters of Rock' festivals. Rad.

Rossi started from pole and want to sign off with a win at the final Donington race because 'This track 'av many many goodah memories anda I make many the great battle in this track, for sure.' Pedrosa and Georgey Lorenzo rounded out the front row of the grid. On the star-spangled tip; Edwards started from 6th and Haystack down in 15th.

At the start of the race, the track was mostly dry, with little bits of rain here and there. Everyone (except Hayden and Stoner...more on that later.) started on slick tires. If the conditions go to shit, they can always come in and switch to a 'wet' bike, right? Right.

Game on...Rossi gets the holeshot, but Lorenzo and Elias get around him in the second corner to take the top two spots. Elias around Rossi and up to 2nd? Must be contract time. The very next corner, Elias pushes the issue and goes straight past Lorenzo to take the lead. Sign here, Mr. Elias. 28 laps to go and Repsol new boy Dovizioso hits the front while his teammate, Pedrosa, was also making steady progress...backwards. Two laps later, Lorenzo takes Dovi at the end of the front straight for the lead. Where's Rossi? Back in 4th. A few laps and passes later, we have Lorenzo up front (by quite a bit), followed by Rossi, Dovi, and Pedro. The two factory Ducatis of Hayden and Stoner were still farting around at the back of the pack on their wet tires.

23 to go, and Elias had just gotten past Pedro when he highsided his Honda and set sail on the failboat. Toot toot. meanwhile, Rossi and Dovi were closing up on Lorenzo. Could Georgey stand the pressure? Nope...he touched the paint with his front tire and had a little tipover going into the final corner corner. It looked fairly harmless, but enough sponsors' stickers were scraped from the body work of his Yamaha that he was not allowed to rejoin the race.

So now we have Rossi up front, followed closely by Dovi. I'm not sure what's going behind them, because they won't show it. Cut to an onboard shot of Rossi's rear tire...it looks like it has Leprosy. Not that big of a deal (spoiler alert!) since he won't be in the race much longer. While that's going on (or off), DePuniet comes from nowhere to take his boobie-sponsored Honda past Pedro into 3rd. Tits-ahoy!

17 to go...former MotoGP world champions KC Stoner and Nicky Hayden are being lapped by the leaders. Apparently their wet tire gamble didn't pay off. Look soon for an ad at www.craigslist.it for a new Ducati weather technician.

Rossi is still up front, but is looking a little ragged. Dovi is looking smooth in second. Everyone else is miles behind...for now.

11 to go...I had nodded off when all of a sudden 'ROSSI'S DOWN!! GOOD GOLLY ROSSI'S DOWN!! THE CHAMPIONSHIP HAS BEEN BLOWN WIDE OPEN!!' My MotoGP announcer alarm clock never fails. That's right...Wonderboy went down in the Fogarty Esses. He managed to get on track and finish 5th. Somehow, he crashed, but still managed to increase his lead in the championship standings. Imagine that.

With Rossi out, Dovi was 10 seconds in front and looking to pop his MotoGP victory cherry. What about the rest? Edwards made his way up to 3rd and was closing on De Puniet, who was also closing on Dovi. Would the Bunny bike take the win? Would Edwards finally, after 3493 tries, win a MotoGP race? Nope and nope. Dovi held on for his maiden win with Edwards and De Puniet in tow. Nice work, kid.

Even with his crash, Rossi extended his lead at the top to 181 points, followed by Lorenzo with 162, and Stoner with 149. Still very close with 7 races to go.

Result:
1) Dovizioso
2) Edwards
3) De Puniet
4) De Angelis
5) Rossi
6) Toseland
7) Melandri
8) Canepa
9) Ponderosa
10) Kallio
11) Capirossi
12) Talmacsi
13) Vermeulen
14) Stoner
15) Hayden

Failboat; Elias and Lorenzo...slim crowd considering the conditions.

Next stop...Brno in the Czech Republic.

One bottle of vodka was harmed in the makming (see)of this post.

T...out.

The German-engineered Moto GP der Doucheland.

So here we are, half way through the 2009 MotoGP season, at the Sachenring Curcuit for round der nuente...Achtung!

As it has a habit of doing, qualifying came and went. Homeboy Hayden started from a season-best 4th. The front row consisted of Stoner in 3rd, Spaceman Lorenzo, and Rossi on pole. Rossi's fast lap during the wettish qualifying session was absolutely bananas!

The big hubbub leading up to this race was that Yamaha's Lorenzo has been in talks with Repsol Honda. Apparently he wants to be the 'number 1' rider on a factory team. Considering his current teammate is one V. Rossi, I don't see Lorenzo becoming the top dude @ Yamaha unless he can beat Rossi on a regular basis and win the title. My crystal ball says 'nope'.

Enough about that...the riders grid up, the vendors sell their last Bratkartoffeln, the lights go out, and the blitzkrieg is on. Rossi slots in at the top of charts, followed by Dani Ponderosa, De Puniet, and Stonah. Lorenzo got a crap start and was stuck behind De Angelis' pride flag in 6th. Hayden? He got a good start, and looked really good for the first 30 yards, or so, until he got shoved out wide by...well...pretty much everyone. Once he got his shit together, he found himself in around 9th. Tough break, kid. Playboy Du Puniet was the first to hit the deck courtesy of a second-rate highside. Hasta next weeko, Randy. Looking back to Hayden, he was clearly pissed about his his start and his riding was showing it...he went around the outside of Kallio and Capirossi coming out of the ridiculously fast downhill right-hander. Balls.

25 to go...Stoner barges past both Ponderosa and that Rossi dude to take the lead. So now it's Stoner, Rossi, Ponderosa, and Lorenzo all bunched up at the front. Game on. It's obvious that Lorenzo has his eyes on the big piece of chicken as he murders Ponderosa on the brakes at the bottom of the hill to take 3rd place.

Fast forward a few laps...Rossi get past Stoner for the lead , while Lorenzo and Ponderosa move up into 2nd and 3rd. Lorenzo is now right on the ass end of the big piece of chicken and has his knife and fork set to 'stun'. With 5 to go, Lorenzo finally pulls the trigger and outbrakes Rossi and the end of the front straight to take the lead. 2 to go, and Rossi returns the favor at the same spot. Last lap, and Rossi is still at the front...just barely. Lorenzo looked like he might have something for Rossi at the last corner, but no dice. Rossi takes the big piece of chicken by 99/1000 of a second (seriously) over Lorenzo and his side of slaw. Ponderosa cruised home in 3rd to collect a wet-nap and a small (big to him) 7up

Result:

1) Rossi - YaMAka

2) Lorenzo - Yamaha

3) Pedrosa - Honda

4) Stoner - Ducati

5) De Angelis - Honda

6) Elias - Honda

7) Melandri - Hayate

8) Hayden - Ducati

9) Edwards - Yamaha

10) Toseland - Yamaha

11) Capirossi - Suzuki

12) Canepa - Ducati

13) Vermeulen - Suzuki

14) Kallio - Ducati

15) Talmacsi - Honda

Failboat;

De Puniet

Dovizioso

Next stop...Donington Park in the G.B...bring a raincoat.

T...out.

!Fish and Destroy!

Fishing is not a crime...as long as you have a license. What better way to spend a humid Iowa evening than with a pack of smokes, a couple of quarts of crap beer, and a dozen nightcrawlers.

Here's Red's homemade Y2K9 compliant fishing hat complete with cig, lighter, and fishing license holders...as well as extra hooks and sinkers, in case those beasts at Gray's Lake decide to up their game...all fashioned from one of my old dress shirts and some janky old Gilligan hat.

The Smugglers

Iowa City...a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. Other than seeing these guys and Rocket From The Crypt @ Gabes as well as all the killer Indian restaurants, these were pretty much the the only things that made my 1.5 years going to school there worth a shit.

MotoGP Laguna Seca

I can't think of a better way to celebrate our nation's birthday (other than getting drunk and blowing shit up) than a MotoGP race right here in America...Fuck Yeah! OK...maybe a World Superbike race might have been better.

Qualifyng was actually where all the real action went down. Stoner, Rossi, and Lorenzo took turns at the top throughout the session. With about 10 minutes to go, Lorenzo lowsided his Yamaha in turn 10, caught a scooter ride back to get his 2nd bike, and put in a lap that blew everyone into weeds. His following lap was even a touch quicker until he launched himself into orbit courtesy of another one of his epic highsides. Basically, he set the fastest lap, destroyed two bikes, dislocated his shoulder, and broke his foot all in the span of less than 10 minutes. Multitasking at it's finest. Moments later, Stoner (not wanting to be one-upped by Lorenzo)also highsided his Ducati in turn 3. On a scale of 1 to 10, Stoner's crash was about a 6 and Lorenzo's an 11. As the session expired, Rossi put in his fastest lap, but still ended up 2nd on the grid to Spaceman Lorenzo. Stoner started from 3rd. Homeboy Hayden put in a decent effort to start from 8th

So...the riders took their grid positions, our national anthem was butchered, the military jets flew over, and then it was game on. From 4th on the grid, all 75lbs of Dani Pedrosa went straight to the front followed by Stoner and Rossi. Dovizioso was in 4th and Elias in 5th. Spaceman Lorenzo got knocked back to 6th with Hayden a ways behind him in 7th. First time through the Corkscrew, and Rossi goes past Stoner pretty much the same way he did last year...minus the motocrossing. At the end of the first lap, Lorenzo took Elias for 5th. A lap later, Stoner went past Dovizioso and Rossi to take 2nd. Meanwhile, Little Pedro was slowly opening up a gap at the front. Sometimes I think they put things like 'scary monster chasing you' on his pit board, instead of laptimes, to spur him on. It seemed to be working.

Talmacsi was the first to go as he crashed out of last place...gifting a spot to no one. Capirossi was the next to go. Bye Loris. Toseland was awarded a ride-through penalty for making too good of a start. He ignored the penalty and was DQ'd. See you in BSB next year, James. Dovizioso was looking good in 4th until he jumped on the bandwagon and crashed out. I can't remember when Gibernau crashed, but he got more TV time than he would have gotten running back in something-teenth place. There...all crashes squeezed into one paragraph. Let's move on.

Pedro is still at the front followed by Stoner, Rossi, and Spaceman. Hayden caught up Elias and would soon put his Star Spangled Ducati up into 5th. Earl's boy done good. Stoner was looking solid in 2nd, but then remembered he was ill, and soon fell victim to both Fiat Yamahas. 5 laps to go, and Spaceman closed up on Rossi and was looking to get past. Into the last corner, Spaceman tried to put some sort of braking/stoppie/front wheel slide/jiggle/rear wheel slide/thingy on Rossi. Somehow, Spaceman didn't bowling ball Rossi and stayed on two wheels to finish in 3rd...hard as nails, considering his qualifying crash fest. Up front, Pedro got a little too comfortable with is gap. On the last corner of the last lap, Rossi showed Pedro a wheel and looked like he might get him on the brakes for the 1834th time. Rossi wasn't quite close enough, and had to settle for second. Stoner rolled home in 4th. Considering how shitty his first year on the Ducati has been, Hayden's 5th was some good stuff. So there it was...let's see what happens (and how much it rains) when we head back to Indianapolis in August.

Race Result:

1) Pedrosa - Repsol Honda

2) Rossi - Fiat Yamaha

3) Lorenzo - Fiat Yamaha

4) Stoner - Marlboro Ducati

5) Hayden - Marlboro Ducati

6) Elias - Gresini Honda

7) Edwards - Tech 3 Yamaha

8) Vermeulen - Rizla Suzuki

9) De Puniet - LCR Honda

10) Melandri - Hayate Racing

11) De Angelis - Gresini Honda

12) Canepa - Pramac Ducati

Failboat:

Talmacsi - Scot Honda

Capirossi - Rizla Suzuki

Dovizioso - Repsol Honda

Gibernau - Grupo Francisco Hernando Ducati

Toseland - Tech 3 Yamaha

Next stop...The Sausagering in Germany.

T...out.