MotoGP Qatar

OK, Dudes...I was writing my race report on my laptop, and I had the whole thing pretty much done when it (my laptop, not the race) froze up and shit the bed...see last photo. As a result, I'm going to re-recap the race Bad Brains-style...with the quickness, since there's no way I'm typing all that shit again.

Prerace fave, KC Stoner started from pole for the 23rd time in his career. Pedrosa got the whore-shot, and managed to hold the lead for about 3 corners before Rossi woke up from his prerace nap, and stuffed Pedro for the lead at the end of lap 1. Meanwhile, Stoner made his way way up to 1st winner's position only to toss his Ducati into the cornfields of the Qatari desert. With Stoner out, Hayden and Dovizioso made their way up to 2nd and 3rd, respectively.

While this was going on, the Texas Terrier, Ben Spies, had made his way up to 7th from an 11th place start. As Spies was moving forward, America's favorite, Pedrosa, was moving backwards. Spies put a severe 'Don't fuck with Texas' brake/pass move on Pedro into one of them there left-handers. Pedro let his laziness do the talking as he and his Honda motored past Spies on the front straight. That didn't work out very well, as Spies counter-attacked and absolutely assassinated/raped/skull-fucked Pedro on the brakes (again) to the take the spot back.

As the race wound down, Hayden and Dovi beat the shit out of each other for 3rd as Lorenzo made his way through the field. Lorenzo made his way into 3rd, leaving Hayden and Dovi to discuss who would take the final podium spot. Hayden looked to be firmly in control of these negotations, and even put a hard (not gay) move on Dovi with 3 corners to go, but the Honda top-speed didn't mesh with the Kentucky/Balogna formula, and Hayden was relegated to 4th by 11/1000th (seriously) of a second. Look for Haystack (and Spies) on the box more than once this year!

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There ya' have it...the first round of the season is in the books. The next time out, we'll be @ Motegi in Japan. Supplies! Will Tamada make his comeback? Nope.

Race result:

1)Rossi 2)Lorenzo 3)Dovizioso 4)Hayden 5)Spies 6)DePuniet 7)pedrosa 8)Edwards 9)Capirossi 10)Aoyama 11)Simoncelli 12)Barebera 13)Melandri

Ambalamps!

Stoner/Bautista/Kallio/Esapargaro

Fuck Superman

World Superbike Portimao - Superpole

Yamaha's Cal Crutchlow sits on pole (chuckle) for the second World Superbike round @ Portimao in Portugal. Crutchlow's teammate, former WSBK champ/piano tuner/MotoGP flunkee, James Toseland, will start from 15th. Toseland was last seen scrambling around his pit box looking for his little black book of excuses. You think that's sad, then check out the FACTORY Ducatis of Fabrizio and Haga down in 17th and 18th. General Lee Hayden and his ZX10R-series will start down in 24th in front of...well...no one.

Superpole Result:

1. Cal Crutchlow GBR Yamaha Sterilgarda YZF R1

2. Max Biaggi ITA Aprilia Alitalia Racing RSV-4

3. Carlos Checa ESP Althea Ducati 1198

4. Leon Haslam GBR Alstare Suzuki GSX-R1000

5. Jonathan Rea GBR Ten Kate Honda CBR1000RR

6. Jakub Smrz CZE PATA B&G Racing Ducati 1198

7. Shane Byrne GBR Althea Ducati 1198 1min

8. Troy Corser AUS BMW Motorrad S1000RR 1min

In other news...the other American, 3-foot-tall Jason DiSalvo, will start his 3-cylinder Triumph in a respectable 10th place in the World Supersport race. Nice work, little fella.

In other other news...AMA Superbike/Sportbike/Supersport be happenin', this weekend at the California Super Speedaway Complex in Fontucky, California. Anyone but Pegram...please.

See it all (along with a bunch of awesome commercials) this weekend on SpeedTV. (all times are Central)

Saturday

9PM AMA Superbike Race 1

10PM AMA Sportbike Race 1

Sunday

2PM WSBK Race 1

3PM WSBK Race 2

10PM AMA Superbike Race 2

11PM AMA Sportbike Race 2

Irish Road Racing

...it's magically delicious.

Happy St. Amateur's Day.

Fuck you, Ronnie.

AMA Daytona

The AMA roadracing series got underway down at Daytona bike week this weekend. Good racing all-around, but the performance of the weekend came from SpeedTV mouthpiece, Ralph Sheheen, who wowed us with nuggets of crucial information such as "on a motorcycle, the rear tire is wider than the front tire", and "here we are on lap 12, with lap 13 coming up". Tool.



Yamaha's Josh Herrin won the 200 on his R6. Herrin's teammate, Tommy 'hot mom' Aquino looked to be in contention for the win, until his crew bathed him and his bike in race gas during his first pit stop. Smooth move, dudes.

Jake Zemke did the double on his Michael Jordan Racing/National Guard GSXR1000 superbike.

16 year old Elena Myers bagged a top ten (7th) place finish in the never-to-be-seen-on-television Supersport race. Nice work, girl.

Oh yeah...this is my new Fire-belly toad. His name is ZX7R, and he pushes the 'shift' key for me. Ribbit.

T...out.

World Superbike Phillip Island

Finally...some fucking racing! The 2010 World Superbike series kicked off from the ever-rad Phillip Island circuit in Australia. Much to the relief of the rest of the paddock, 2009 champeen and series dismantler, Ben Spies, is off to MotoGP to team up with Colin Edwards in the Yamaha Tex-3 team. With Spies out of the picture, will this finally be Nori Haga's year to bag the championship, or will he be denied for the 67th time?

2009 World Supersport champ, Cal Crutchlow has teamed up with MotoGP refugee/piano tuner James Toseland in the Factory Yamaha team. Both of them seem to think they have what it takes. 2009 British Superbike champ, Leon Camier has teamed up with Max Biaggi on the factory Aprilia team. Bitchin'. Personally, I think Biaggi has the best chance of denying Haga. The other MotoGP refugee, Chris Vermeulen, will be aboard the Factory Kawasaki ZX10R this year. With Kawasaki saying 'fuck you' to MotoGP and the AMA series, they are putting all their sushi in their World Superbike effort. We shall see. Our very own Porkchop Hayden has also given the AMA the finger and signed on to ride a satellite ZX10R for the Pedercini Kawasaki team. Apparently, the prospect of running around at the back of the World Superbike field is more enticing than winning supersport races in the AMA. Good luck, Rog.

Anyway...qualifying came and went, and Alstare Suzuki's new signing, Leon Haslam put his (it's not really 'his', he just gets paid a shitload of money to ride it.)GSXR1000 on pole. Fabrizio, Crutchlow, and Checa rounded out the front row. Where's Haga? He started from 10th. What about our old buddy, Xaus? He qualified 15th, but didn't race due to him destroying 3 bikes during qualifying. Bummer dude...see you in Portugal. And Porkchop? He qualified in last-teenth place, which is also where he finished both races. I'm looking at you, Vermeulen.

OK...enough babbling. The lights went out for Race 1, and Fabrizio immediately hit the front, but Haslam went around the outside of him into the really fucking fast turn 1 to take the lead. Balls. Haga hit the nitro button (see what I did there?) and blasted up to 3rd from 10th on the grid. At the end of the first lap, Haslam had stretched out a decent lead over the factory Ducati boys. Everything pretty much stayed the same, until Toseland hit a wrong note and highsided himself into space over the top of Lukey Heights. Jorge Lorenzo would’ve been impressed. A few laps later, Toseland’s fellow MotoGP refugee, Vermuelen, tossed his Kawasaki into the gravel. Welcome back to World Supers, you two. Crutchlow then decided to follow teammate Toseland’s example and and lost the front into one of those tight, hairpin corner thingies. Dear Mr. Spies; Please come back. Love; The Yamaha World Superbike mechanics.

The front group of Haslam, Febreze, and Haga continued to put a huge gap on the rest of the field. It looked like Haslam was on his way to his first-ever World Superbike win. Into the last lap, Febreze closed up on Haslam and was looking for the win. As they crossed the line, Fabrizio was originally credited with the win. It was then declared a photo finish, so race control reviewed the finish, flipped a coin, and awarded Haslam the win by 4/1000 of second. Haga cruised home in a safe 3rd.

On to race 2. Febreze got the holeshot, but Haslam, once again, went right around the outside to take the lead into turn 1. Balls pt. deux. The front three were the same as race 1, for now. Meanwhile, Alstare Suzuki’s other new boy, Sylvain Guintoli, was picking people and joined the back of the front three and then took Haga and Febreze in the span of two corners to take over 2nd place behind Haslam. The next lap, Guintoli upped the ante and went past Haslam to take the lead in to turn one. Meanwhile, back in the pack…Vermeulen, not happy with his dainty race 1 tipover, decided he wanted to make this one count and fired his Kawasaki (and himself) into the tire wall at 100+ mph. He was stretchered off to the medical center, but should be back for Portugal.

Back up front, Guintoli held the lead for a few laps before being taken by Haslam and Febreze. While this was going on, Checa was rapidly moving through the field and soon threatened the front two. Checa made his way up to 2nd and, with one lap to go, was right on Haslam’s arse. Game on. Checa lined up Haslam around the outside of Lukey Heights and stuffed into the next hairpin and held on for the win. Nice work, amigo.

Race 1

Haslam-Suzuki

Fabrizio-Ducati

Haga-Ducati

Race 2

Checa-Ducati

Haslam-Suzuki

Fabrizio-Ducati

So, that's that. Round one is in the books, and Haslam leaves the island with a 9 point championship lead over Fabrizio. Checa sits in 3rd and Haga in 4th. The next stop is Portugal in a month.

T...out.

Chick on Chick Action

TurkeyDay2K9

Bloody Mary in hand, corned beef in the crock, and DVR in full effect. Word.

Cool black and white photos from www.superbikeplanet.com.

1098R

Pedrosa

The Family Mladin

Nicky Hayden

Um...yeah

MotoGP Valencia

Valencia...MotoGP's yearly 'last chance for romance'. The championship is done and dusted, with Rossi wrapping up his 9th world title last time out at Malaysia. Lorenzo still has a drunk frat boy in Tijuana's chance of maintaining 2nd in the championship over K.C. Stoner and his hot wife.

Regardless of what everyone else does (or doesn't) Pedrosa is going to end his season 3rd in the champeenship. Number 5, Colin the Edwards, who is starting from 5th, is looking to secure 5th overall over Repsol Honda's Dovizioso. 2009 World Superbike series dismantler, Ben's Pies, is making a wildcard appearance this weekend on a 5th Yamaha M1. Spies is using this race to gain additional seat time on the Yamaha before slotting into the Monster Energy Tex-3 team fulltime for 2010.

So then, we have Stoner on pole, followed by Pedrosa and Lorenzo. Rossi, Edwards, and Hayden sat their asses on the second row, in that order. Pies did good to qualify in 9th. Rad.

Alrighty then, the bikes are fired up, the umbrella talent scurry back to pit row, and the riders set off on their warm up lap. As usual, Stoner waves everyone by so that he can be the last to arrive back on the grid and smugly needle his way through the other riders and up to his spot at the front of the grid. Not this time...Stoner managed to highside his Ducati while waiving at the crowd, and found himself out of the race before it even began. Everyone else survives the warm up lap, and it's away we go. Pedrosa gets his usual excellent start, goes directly to the front, and trots off to win the race by a day or two...no more bandwidth will be wasted on him.

Toni Elias also managed a good start and slotted in to 2nd place (for now). Lorenzo and Rossi sat in 3rd and 4th, respectively. Edwards took his usual spot in Edwardth. Hayden sat in 7th and Pies back in 11th. A few laps later, Lorenzo went past Elias into the final corner to take over 2nd. Rossi wasted no time and destroyed Elias on the brakes at the very next corner to take 3rd. A few corners later, Lorenzo shit his leathers as he almost tossed his Yamaha into the weeds coming out of turn 11. Rossi took advantage of this and blew past Lorenzo and up to 2nd. Rossi wasn't able to reel in Pedro and had to settle for a 2nd place finish. JLo sorta kinda reeled in Rossi, but wasn't able to seal the deal...3rd place finish for him.

Meanwhile, back in the pack...Homeboy Haystack was looking strong and was making his way forward. He sat behind DePuniet for a few laps before completely stuffing him up the inside to take over 6th. Pies was back in 10th, but was tagged right on the back of Dovi, DeAngelis, Melandri, and Kallio. Before the race, Pies admitted that the first few laps would be difficult as he wasn't really comfortable on his Yamaha and the limits it offered over his World Superbike machine...he was basically using the first half of the race as another test session. Well...that test paid off. The Ben began to pick off the MotoGP regulars in front of him one at a time. The pinnacle of this little sorte' came when Pies stuffed Repsol Honda's Dovizioso on the brakes and took over 7th. Pies' demoting of Dovi also guaranteed Edwards of a 5th (imagine that) finish in the final 2009 championship standings. After the race, ran over to Pies' pit box and rewarded him with a uniquely Texan hug/hump. Tex-Trois in full effect, boyeee.

As Fletch would say; 'There ya' have it'. Pedroda cruised home for the win, followed by Rossi, Lorenzo, Edwards, and Hayden. Pies bagged himself a 7th place finish...not too shabby, considering he's had about 3 hours on the bike.

Result;

1 Dani Pedrosa Repsol Honda Honda

2 Valentino Rossi Fiat Yamaha Yamaha

3 Jorge Lorenzo Fiat Yamaha Yamaha

4 Colin Edwards II Tech 3 Yamaha Yamaha

5 Nicky Hayden Ducati Marlboro Ducati

6 Tony Elias San Carlo Honda Gresini Honda

7 Ben Spies Yamaha

8 Andrea Dovizioso Repsol Honda Honda

9 Mika Kallio Pramac Racing Ducati

10 Alex De Angelis San Carlo Honda Gresini Honda

11 Randy De Puniet LCR Honda Honda

12 James Toseland Tech 3 Yamaha Yamaha

13 Aleix Espargaro Ducati

14 Loris Capirossi Rizla Suzuki Suzuki

15 Chris Vermeulen Rizla Suzuki Suzuki

16 Gabor Talmacsi Honda

17 Marco Melandri Hayate Racing Kawasaki

That's a wrap. The 2009 racing season is done and dusted. This race reporting is a tough racket. It's time to turn my expense reports in to Jeff and then set off to Puerto Penasco, Mexico

T...out