MotoGP @ Moo-Jello

The proof's in the pudding...God hates MotoGP. Once again, at Mugello, The Lord's tinkle made for another 'wet race'. In MotoGP land, if a race is declared 'wet', the race will be run 'flag-to-flag'...the riders have the option of coming in to change bikes (the second bike must be on different tires) depending on track conditions. In this case, the race started on a damp track that was quickly drying.

So then, on the warm-up lap, Spanish pole-sitter (that never gets old) Lorenzo managed to toss his Yamaha into the soggy gravel. He remounted, pitted, grabbed his spare bike, and took his position on the grid. Cut to the TV shot of one of Lorenzo's mechanics toweling the mud and gravel off of his bum...only in Italy (and the rest of Europe, I suppose).

Anyway...lights out...Lorenzo's start was even crappier than his warm-up lap. Pedrosa got the holeshot from 8th on the grid, followed by Vermeulen and Dovizioso. Rossi, who has won the last 8 races at Moo-Jello, was a ways back in 4th followed by Melandri on the Dorna-sponsored Hayasaki. Homeboy Rossi and Melandri made their way to front, with Melandri actually leading a few laps...meanwhile, Kawasaki introduces a 'totally extreme' new water scooter.

Lap 10, and bike changes ensue...Toseland is the first in and out on slick tires. Melandri, Rossi, Stoner, and Dovi soon followed. After all the hubbub of bike changes, normal service resumed with Dovi at the front followed by Stoner. Stoner went forward, Dovi went backwards, and the Lorenzo/Rossi Yama-train came through. Stoner held on for the win, which caused the Eyetalian fans to go into a frenzy of hugging and cheek kissing. Whether it's a bike, rider, or a loaf of Focaccia bread...as long as it's Italian and crosses the finish line first, The I.T.'s will go bananas. Stoner's win put him back at the top of the championship, followed by Lorenzo, Rossi, and everyone else.

Other stuff...Nicky Hayden rocketed to a 12th place finish...will the Kentucky Kid ever catch a break? On the Duc...methinks not. Pedrosa tipped over on lap 13 and re-re-re injured his little leg bone or something.

Result:

1. Casey Stoner-Ducati

2. Jorge Lorenzo-Yamaha

3. Valentino Rossi-Yamaha

4. Andrea Dovizioso-Honda

5. Loris Capirossi-Suzuki

6. Colin Edwards-Yamaha

7. James Toseland-Yamama

8. Randy de Puniet-Honda

9. Niccolo Canepa-Ducati

10. Chris Vermeulen-Suzuki

11. Marco Melandri-Hayate

12. Nicky Hayden-Ducati

13. Mika Kallio-Ducati

14. Toni Elias-Honda

15. Alex de Angelis-Honda

Fail:

Dani Pedrosa-Honda

Yuki Takahashi-Same as Pedrosa

Next stop...Spain (again). T...out.

Miguel of the Sizzles.

Happy 'fizzle-free' 40th!

New Ride

2009 Diamondback Insight 2...I didn't realize my 'hood was so hilly.

Proper.

I know this is a repost, but in the world of live rock shows, this is as proper as gets. fuckin' christ.

They bless the rains down in Afrikkka

This weekend, the World Superbike posse rolled (actually, they flew) into the Kyalami circuit in Johannesburg, South Africa (new and improved with 50% less Apartheid). Coming into this round, Haga enjoyed a comfortable 50ish point lead in the championship over Texas' Ben Spies. Haga's teammate 'Michelle' Fabrizio sat a few points behind Ben's Pies in third. So then, qualifying came and went, and Spies managed to grab his 6th pole of the year...and that whole sentence sounded really gay. Michelle, Bad Max, and Haga rounded out the front row. Neato. So then...on to race 1. Haga got the holeshot into turn 1, while Spies (again) forcefully stuffed Bad Max to take second. While Haga gapped the field, Michelle dove up the inside of Spies to take over second positione'. On lap 3, Michelle took over the lead from Haga. The top 3 held station for quite a few laps while. Further back in the field, Xaus confirmed that the South African gravel traps are up to spec. Good to know. Sweet...I could save up to $1500 on a Kawasaki motorcycle, ATV, or jet ski, and that Progressive Insurance chick would be much hotter if she wouldn't talk so much (or at all). The rest of the race was fairly uneventful. Haga eventually reeled Michelle back in and took over the lead. Spies gave his pony a few extra whips, and put a nice inside move on Michelle out of the final corner to take over second place, only to have a pucker-moment the next lap which almost tossed his ass over the bars and back to Texas. This allowed Michelle back into the second spot. Haga went on to win, with Michelle second and Spies third. Game, set, match. Race 2...once again, Haga-san gets the whore-shot with Spies in tow. Spies wasn't fucking around as he took Haga for the lead via a sweet outside/inside move out of one of the chicanes. The Ben looked all set to check out, and even set the new lap record, when his gear shifter broke on his Yamahopper (he ran out of gas, and the lead, the last time out at Monza). Things kind of trundled along until the last lap when when Michelle attempted two very brave/desparate moves on Haga. Neither of these stuck, and Haga went on to double up with Michelle, once again, playing second fiddler. Britain's own Johnny Rea scored his first WSBK podium aboard the Ten Kate CBR1000RRRRRRR. Spies goose-egged race 2, and probably flew back to Texas to shoot small animals. Next up? Gas up the Winnebago, throw the Hog on a trailer, crack open some Bud Lights, and make your way to Miller Motorsports Park here in the The U.S. of A. for the 7th round of the WSBK championship.

Monza WSBK

Race 1...The first corner @ Monza is too tight for wheelchair races at the old-folks shack, let alone a World Superbike race...hence the carnage (click on the pic). Newkershner is out with a broken leg, Corser with a contused lower something-or-other, and a few other dudes with various bumps and scrapes...nothing a few Flintstones vitamins and a bowl of Wheaties can't fix. So then...race one was a decent scrap between Spies, Haga, and Fabrizio. Spies led most of the laps, until Fabrizio managed to draft past Spies on the long front straight...while throwing some mocking gesture at Spies in the process. Mistake. Fabrizio must not have gotten the 'Don't Fuck With Texas' memo, or watched an NBA game where some fresh-outta highschool Gerri-Curl taunted Michael Jordan...only to get his ankles broken via one MJ's most righteous crossovers. Spies gave his pony a few extra kicks and motored past the Bologna Bullet and set off for the Alamo. Haga was still somewhere back in third place taking in the sights as Spies set sail for yet another P1. Everything was in place for Spies to take his 5th win of the year when his Yam-Italia R1 spaceship ran out of a thing called fuel on the last corner of the last lap. This left Spies to coast (very eco-friendly) across the line in 15th place. Meanwhile, having been gifted his first WSBK win, Fabrizio pulled off to the side of the track, donned an Italian flag around his neck, and dry-humped the corner workers. Spies parked his bike along pit row, hopped the fence, and went out to shoot deer.

Race 2...After throat-punching his pit crew for their inability to convert gallons to liters, Spies dropped the hammer from the get-go, and went on to win the race by about 6 months. Championship points leader Haga got torpedoed in the arm by a bird (seriously) on the first lap, and eventually wadded his Ducati coming out of Curva Grande (that's eye-talian for 'Really Fucking Long, Fast Corner) on lap uno. Fabrizio, still chaffed from his post race 1 dry humping, fucked around and finished 3rd.

Next up...Kyalami in Sarf Africa. Spies has tested there, and barring a crash or bad fuel math, he's on for the double.

Oh yeah...I'm in a band called The Chezwicks, and we're playing at a bar called the Vaudeville Mews on June 13th with some other band called Squidboy and an Omaha band known as the Filter Kings.

Coming soon to a street near you.

Be afraid...or just get some earplugs.

World Superbike @ Assen

It was a busy weekend for this armchair racer. Speed actually showed MotoGP, 250's, and both World Superbike races on the same day. Neato. The Texas Tarantula that is Ben Spies once again managed to nab pole position at a track he had only previously seen on his Playstation. So then...Race 1. Spies gets the holeshot and leads everyone and their mom into turn 1. Spies held the lead while title rival Haga and Britain's Flap-tastic Haslam worked their way up into 2nd and 3rd. Haga finally got under Spies (not in a gay way) and Haslam followed suit. With two laps to go, Spies (in what is probably the best lap of racing I have seen) made his way past Haslam and blew everyone's mind in the process (see 1:51). Spies then tracked down Haga, blew by him for the win. Anyone that can beat Haga in a straight-up last lap battle for the win is a hero. America...Fuck yeah!

Race 1 Highlights

For Spies, race 2 was a lot shorter and way more expensive...

So with Spies out, Haga set off for the win. The rest of the race was fairly uneventful with the exception of Haslam scoring another podium and Jakob 'Too fast for vowels' Smrz getting his first World Superbike podium on the Private duck. Haga now leads Spies by 60 points as they head to the next round at Monza.

Race 1 result
1) Spies
2) Haga
3) Haslam

Race 2 result
1) Haga
2) Haslam
3) Smrz

* Soup pic.

MotoGp @ Motegi, Japan

God hates MotoGP. This is the second round in a row that has been all but washed out. Saturday's qualifying was scrapped altogether due to massive rainstorms and small lakes forming on the track. As a result, the starting grid was set based on Friday's practice times, which put the housewives' favorite Rossi on pole. Rossi got the rabbit's start, fuddled around a bit, and got reeled in and passed for the lead by my personal friend Jorge 'King Midas' Lorenzo. While Rossi dicked around with a charging Pedrosa, Lorenzo gapped those two and set off into the sunset...which turned out to be a huge Japanese flag. Nicky Hayden's race lasted about 3/4 of a lap before he got torpedoed by local ladyboy Takahashi. I hope Haystack finds some luck soon, or his season looks to be headed in a very 'Melandri' direction. Speaking of Melandri, he managed to gallop his way to a 6th place finish aboard the Dorna-sponsored Kawasaki Hayabusa. Extra sugar cubes for you, my friend. That said...Lorenzo took his first win of the season and now holds a commanding 1 point lead in the MotoGP championship. Nice work, little dude. Next stop...Jerez.

Result
1) Lorenzo
2) Rossi
3) Pedrobot



*Pics courtesy of Soup and MCNews Aussie.

Red'sRig2ElectricBoogaloo

There used to be tequila in that there bottle, but some dummy done drank it.

Installed

There weren't any leftover bolts when I got done, so I must have done it right. Viva me!

R.I.P. Lorenzo

The Oscars decided to make a midnight snack out of Lorenzo's legs and torso. Services will be held in the dumpster. Froggy coffin courtesy of a QuickTrip bag. Send motorcycle parts in lieu of flowers.

Christmas in April.

The FedEx dude showed up this morning with some Yoshimura carbon fiber goodness. I'll install it after work and post some more pic...just for Boonie.

Don't taze me, bro!

Yep...it's real.

Hanging around.

More Sunday Randomness (is that a word?)...

...and a picture of Boonie going to a rave.

Aquarium Nerd.

I was really bored (drunk) today, so I whipped out my camera and got all 'Jacques Cousteau' on your ass.

Fresh Meat

I hooked up a sweet deal on some African Jewel Cichlids. They're only about 1 1/2 inches long and a month old. When they mature, they'll grow to about 5 inches long and look effin' sweet...see second pic. Right now they live with the newts and our retarded Cichlid 'Peter'.





This is Peter...he's special.



Newt!...there it is.

Big Black

Making Ministry look like pussies since 1980-whenever...