Monza WSBK

Race 1...The first corner @ Monza is too tight for wheelchair races at the old-folks shack, let alone a World Superbike race...hence the carnage (click on the pic). Newkershner is out with a broken leg, Corser with a contused lower something-or-other, and a few other dudes with various bumps and scrapes...nothing a few Flintstones vitamins and a bowl of Wheaties can't fix. So then...race one was a decent scrap between Spies, Haga, and Fabrizio. Spies led most of the laps, until Fabrizio managed to draft past Spies on the long front straight...while throwing some mocking gesture at Spies in the process. Mistake. Fabrizio must not have gotten the 'Don't Fuck With Texas' memo, or watched an NBA game where some fresh-outta highschool Gerri-Curl taunted Michael Jordan...only to get his ankles broken via one MJ's most righteous crossovers. Spies gave his pony a few extra kicks and motored past the Bologna Bullet and set off for the Alamo. Haga was still somewhere back in third place taking in the sights as Spies set sail for yet another P1. Everything was in place for Spies to take his 5th win of the year when his Yam-Italia R1 spaceship ran out of a thing called fuel on the last corner of the last lap. This left Spies to coast (very eco-friendly) across the line in 15th place. Meanwhile, having been gifted his first WSBK win, Fabrizio pulled off to the side of the track, donned an Italian flag around his neck, and dry-humped the corner workers. Spies parked his bike along pit row, hopped the fence, and went out to shoot deer.

Race 2...After throat-punching his pit crew for their inability to convert gallons to liters, Spies dropped the hammer from the get-go, and went on to win the race by about 6 months. Championship points leader Haga got torpedoed in the arm by a bird (seriously) on the first lap, and eventually wadded his Ducati coming out of Curva Grande (that's eye-talian for 'Really Fucking Long, Fast Corner) on lap uno. Fabrizio, still chaffed from his post race 1 dry humping, fucked around and finished 3rd.

Next up...Kyalami in Sarf Africa. Spies has tested there, and barring a crash or bad fuel math, he's on for the double.

Oh yeah...I'm in a band called The Chezwicks, and we're playing at a bar called the Vaudeville Mews on June 13th with some other band called Squidboy and an Omaha band known as the Filter Kings.

Coming soon to a street near you.

Be afraid...or just get some earplugs.

World Superbike @ Assen

It was a busy weekend for this armchair racer. Speed actually showed MotoGP, 250's, and both World Superbike races on the same day. Neato. The Texas Tarantula that is Ben Spies once again managed to nab pole position at a track he had only previously seen on his Playstation. So then...Race 1. Spies gets the holeshot and leads everyone and their mom into turn 1. Spies held the lead while title rival Haga and Britain's Flap-tastic Haslam worked their way up into 2nd and 3rd. Haga finally got under Spies (not in a gay way) and Haslam followed suit. With two laps to go, Spies (in what is probably the best lap of racing I have seen) made his way past Haslam and blew everyone's mind in the process (see 1:51). Spies then tracked down Haga, blew by him for the win. Anyone that can beat Haga in a straight-up last lap battle for the win is a hero. America...Fuck yeah!

Race 1 Highlights

For Spies, race 2 was a lot shorter and way more expensive...

So with Spies out, Haga set off for the win. The rest of the race was fairly uneventful with the exception of Haslam scoring another podium and Jakob 'Too fast for vowels' Smrz getting his first World Superbike podium on the Private duck. Haga now leads Spies by 60 points as they head to the next round at Monza.

Race 1 result
1) Spies
2) Haga
3) Haslam

Race 2 result
1) Haga
2) Haslam
3) Smrz

* Soup pic.

MotoGp @ Motegi, Japan

God hates MotoGP. This is the second round in a row that has been all but washed out. Saturday's qualifying was scrapped altogether due to massive rainstorms and small lakes forming on the track. As a result, the starting grid was set based on Friday's practice times, which put the housewives' favorite Rossi on pole. Rossi got the rabbit's start, fuddled around a bit, and got reeled in and passed for the lead by my personal friend Jorge 'King Midas' Lorenzo. While Rossi dicked around with a charging Pedrosa, Lorenzo gapped those two and set off into the sunset...which turned out to be a huge Japanese flag. Nicky Hayden's race lasted about 3/4 of a lap before he got torpedoed by local ladyboy Takahashi. I hope Haystack finds some luck soon, or his season looks to be headed in a very 'Melandri' direction. Speaking of Melandri, he managed to gallop his way to a 6th place finish aboard the Dorna-sponsored Kawasaki Hayabusa. Extra sugar cubes for you, my friend. That said...Lorenzo took his first win of the season and now holds a commanding 1 point lead in the MotoGP championship. Nice work, little dude. Next stop...Jerez.

Result
1) Lorenzo
2) Rossi
3) Pedrobot



*Pics courtesy of Soup and MCNews Aussie.

Red'sRig2ElectricBoogaloo

There used to be tequila in that there bottle, but some dummy done drank it.

Installed

There weren't any leftover bolts when I got done, so I must have done it right. Viva me!

R.I.P. Lorenzo

The Oscars decided to make a midnight snack out of Lorenzo's legs and torso. Services will be held in the dumpster. Froggy coffin courtesy of a QuickTrip bag. Send motorcycle parts in lieu of flowers.

Christmas in April.

The FedEx dude showed up this morning with some Yoshimura carbon fiber goodness. I'll install it after work and post some more pic...just for Boonie.

Don't taze me, bro!

Yep...it's real.

Hanging around.

More Sunday Randomness (is that a word?)...

...and a picture of Boonie going to a rave.

Aquarium Nerd.

I was really bored (drunk) today, so I whipped out my camera and got all 'Jacques Cousteau' on your ass.

Fresh Meat

I hooked up a sweet deal on some African Jewel Cichlids. They're only about 1 1/2 inches long and a month old. When they mature, they'll grow to about 5 inches long and look effin' sweet...see second pic. Right now they live with the newts and our retarded Cichlid 'Peter'.





This is Peter...he's special.



Newt!...there it is.

Big Black

Making Ministry look like pussies since 1980-whenever...

1998 (I think)

Taken before our first show. Jay had just gotten off work from his temp job as a banquet server.

Boom goes the dynamite!

After years of torment from his highschool classmates, Matt finally set the record straight. (That's right, I had a camera phone back in the late 80's)

Vintage Scepters

Actually, 'vintage' is basically their whole schtick, but you know what I mean.

Motorcyles, UFOs, Dean Martin, girl-saving 'hover guns', and train tracks that conveniently run off the end of a cliff...I would expect nothing less. Shagadelic.

Don't Mess With Texas (The Sequel)

New track, new country, new camels...same result. Both races played out in basically the same way...Spies (19) shadowed Haga (41) and Biaggi (3) while the pair of them passed and repassed each other and basically wore out their tires process. About this time, Spies realized he had to take a leak real bad, passed Haga/Biaggi, and bee-lined it to the port-a-potty which was conveniently located right by the start/finish line. Game, set, match. It was fairly obvious that Spies' R1 was down a few MPHs on the long Losail straight, yet he still 'managed' to win both races by a Texas-sized (see what I did there?) margin. I'm sure Yamacrew will wring a few more ponies from that motor. When (not 'if') this happens, things are going to be really bleak for the rest of the grid. The pictures below (in order) pretty much sum up both races.

(photos from soup and crash.net)













I really expected Max NewKitchenAir to be at the front in these races. The massive straight line speed of the Suzuki fits this track just dandy. I think he lobbed it in race 1 and finished sixth in race 2...or the other way around. Biaggi did good to put the brand spankin' new Aprilia on the podium in both races. I think he could be the dark horse title contender on that bike. As for Haga, I think he is in shock at the cow pie (get it?) Spies has dropped on his assumed 'World Title Season'.