Steady T

MotoGP Deutschland

2010-07-22T15:12:00.001-07:00

Guten Tag from the Sausagering, where the MotoGP boys will unleash a fleet of 800cc Panzers in hopes of victory in the Motherland. Last time out, at Catalunya, Jorge Lorenzo pretty much blew everyone's doors off enroute to his fifth win of the season and an even more biggerer championship points lead. Will Lorenzo's Blitzkreig continue, or will another rider step up and send Lorenzo to hide in his secret bunker?

In other news...Germany marks Valentino Rossi's return to action after using his broken leg as an excuse to take a 4-race holiday. Coming into Germany, Rossi sat about 100 points behind Lorenzo in the points. With 7 of the 18 rounds in the books, could Rossi overhaul Lorenzo for the title before heading off to Ducati in 2011? It wouldn't surprise me.

Qualifying came and went, and Lorenzo helped himself to his 4th pole position of the year...but not before conveniently exploding his motor along the front straight and coating the hard-braking zone into turn 1 with a glistening layer of Yamalube. Lorenzo's Oil Can Harry tactic had the closely-following Ben Spies on his ass and into the gravel followed by DePuniet.

As far as the rest of the starting grid...K.C. Stoner and Dani Pedrosa rounded out the front row. Rossi managed a decent 5th on the grid. Colin Edwards 12th, Spies 13th, and Nicky Hayden back in 15th...not exactly a star-spangled qualifying session.

Grid 'em up and roll 'em out...Pedro gets his usual holeshot into turn 1 followed by Lorenzo and some dude named Barbara on a private Duck. Dovi and Stoner dispatch Barbara to take over 3rd and 4th, while Lorenzo takes Pedro for the lead...all in the same 2 corners. Bitchin'. Hayden made a good start up to 8th from 15th on the grid.

Things pretty much held station until 24(of 30)laps to go, when Colin Edwards chucked his Yamaha into the gravel...he was expendable. Then, with 21 to go, a huge turd dropped in the punchbowl...DePuniet highsided his Honda into one of the tight left-handers, Espargaro motocrossed over DePuniet's leg, and Bautista pretty much motocrossed over everything/body. The race was red-flagged as DePuniet's flaming bike was extinguished while he was carted off to the hospital with a destroyed leg.

MotoGp Deutschland Part Deux...a new 21 lap race. The sausage dropped and, once again, Pedro hits the front. Kallio hit the deck as Hayden barged his way up to 5th. Pedro and Lorenzo went back and forth at the front with Pedro finally hitting the front and gapping Lorenzo for the win. Lorenzo played it cool and hauled home 20 valuable championship points in 2nd.

While this was going on, Rossi blew past Dovi on the brakes to take 4th. At the front, it was still Pedro, Lorenzo, and Stoner...with Rossi closing. By now, Rossi was on Stoner's ass and looking to crutch himself on to the podium. Rossi went past Stoner, on the brakes, to briefly take 3rd. On the following lap, Stoner put a rather stout block-pass move on Rossi to take back 3rd. Rossi got back into 3rd only to have Stoner stuff him on the last corner of the last lap to secure 3rd. Oi!

Result:
1 Dani Pedrosa/Repsol Honda
2 Jorge Lorenzo/Fiat Yamaha
3 Casey Stoner/Marlboro Ducati
4 Valentino Rossi/Fiat Yamaha
5 Andrea Dovizioso/Repsol Honda
6 Marco Simoncelli/San Carlo Gresini Honda
7 Nicky Hayden/Marlboro Ducati
8 Ben Spies/Tech 3 Yamaha
9 Hector Barbera/Aspar Ducati
10 Marco Melandri/San Carlo Gresini Honda
11 Loris Capirossi/Rizla Suzuki
12 Alex De Angelis/Interwetten Honda

Das Gravel Boot:
Aleix Espargaro/Pramac Ducati
Randy DePuniet/LCR Honda
Alvaro Bautista/Rizla Suzuki
Colin Edwards/Tech 3 Yamaha
Mika Kallio/Pramac Ducati

Top 10 Championship Points after Germany
1 Lorenzo/185
2 Pedrosa/138
3 Dovizioso/102
4 Stoner/83
5 Hayden/78
6 Rossi/74
7 DePuniet/69
8 Spies/67
9 Simoncelli/49
10 Melandri/45

Alright folks...crack open a Bud heavy, deep-fry a Twinkie, and shave your favorite 'driver's' number in your back hair as MotoGP heads stateside, this weekend, at Laguna Seca. Rossi's won here, but Lorenzo has not. Also...welcome Roger Lee Hayden back to the clubhouse as he fills in for the injured Randy DePuniet on the LCR Honda. 'The Rog' last rode a MotoGP bike in 2007 as a wildcard at Laguna Seca and finished a decent 10th (on a Kawasaki, no less) ahead of both Colin Edwards and big bro Nicky. Porkchop!

MotoGP Catalunya

2010-07-09T21:20:00.000-07:00

Last time out, at Assen, Whore-hey Lorenzo took advantage of another Rossi-free race to completely gut the rest of the field, rack up his fifth win of the season, and extend his championship points lead to 47 points. Even though he backed his pace way down on the last lap, he still managed to cross the line roughly 6 seconds in front of 2nd place Pedrosa. Game over...flawless victory.

So then...here we are at Lorenzo's home race at Catalunya. With Rossi back home hibernating in a Hyperbaric chamber and Lorenzo on the tail-end of a 3-win streak, it's pretty fucking obvious what's going to happen at Catalunya...and it did. Lorenzo helped himself to pole position as well as being quickest in all practice sessions. Not satisfied with that, Lorenzo went on to win a Chorizo eating contest in the Fiat Yamaha hospitality area and planted a little Lorenzoland toothpick/flag in the leftovers.

Sunday, July 4th at 2 p.m CST (Central Spanish Time)...the little red lights go away and Little Dani gets the wholeshot, but forgot to brake and ran wide which let pretty much everyone and their mama past. This put 'guess who' in the lead followed by Stoner and Dovizioso. On the Yankee tip, Spies dropped back to 5th from an 8th place start and Hayden sat back in 10th just behind Pedro.

By the end of the 1st lap, DePuniet has done a reverse full retreat and tagged on to the back of the front three...a.k.a. 4th place. Two corners later, Dovi leg-dangled his way past Stoner to take 2nd. At the begininng of the next lap, Dovi went one better and took Lorenzo for the lead into turn 1.

While this was going on, Pedro got his shit together, and was making his way towards the front o' the pack. Meanwhile, back up front, King Lorenzo was getting tired rolling around in a lowly 2nd place, and put a ridiculous pass on Dovi through the left/right Wurth chicane to take over his God-gifted spot at the top of charts. With the front three tripping over each in the battle for the lead, Pedro made his way up to 4th and looked to be closing in on the fisticuffs up front. Things settled down up fron (i.e.; got boring) until Stoner out-broke his damn self, from 3rd, and ran way off track...this put Stoner back in 5th behind Pedro and Depuniet. Stoner quickly kicked DePuniet to the curb and closed up on Pedro for 3rd.

9 laps to go, and Dovi beaches his Honda R-series211V at turn 8. This gifts Lorenzo the win, but Pedro and Stoner are still back yonder scrapping over 2nd and 3rd. ans Stoner and Pedro beat the shit out of each other for 2nd place. Pedro, somehow, came out on top of this scrap to bring it home in 2nd followed by Stoner in...um...3rd

Once again, Lorenzo waltzed home for the win and extended his championship lead to 52 points over Pedrosa. Dovi remounted and finished somewhere between 13th and 15th. Word on the street is that Stoner is re-jumping ship back to Honda for 2011. The other word on the street is that Rossi will take Stoner's spot to partner Hayden (and make 15 million Euros...whatever that is) on next year's on the factory Ducati team. Bellisimo! With Rossi out in 2011 at Yamaha, that would make way for Spies to move up from the Yamaha Tech 3 team to partner Lorenzo on the 2nd Fiat Yamaha factory machine. Makes sense to me.

Result

1) Jorge Lorenzo/Fiat Yamaha
2) Dani Pedrosa/Repsol Honda
3) Casey Stoner/Marlboro Ducati
4) Randy DePuniet/LCR Honda
5) Alvaro Bautista/Rizla Suzuki
6) Ben Spies/Tech 3 Yamaha
7) Loris Capirossi/Rizla Suzuki
8) Nicky Hayden/Marlboro Ducati
9) Marco Melandri/San Carlo Gresini Honda
10) Hector Barbera/Paginas Amarillas Aspar Ducati
11) Colin Edwards/Tech 3 Yamaha
12) Mika Kallio/Pramac Racing Ducati
13) Kousuke Akiyoshi/Interwetten Honda
14) Andrea Dovizioso/Repsol Honda
15) Wataru Yoshikawa/Fiat Yamaha

Grupo de Crasho

Marco Simoncelli/San Carlo Gresini Honda
Aleix Espargaro/Pramac Racing Ducati

Championship points after round 7 of 18.

1)Lorenzo-165
2)Pedrosa-113
3)Dovizioso-91
4)Hayden-69
5)DePuniet-69
6)Stoner-67
7)Rossi-61
8)Spies-59
9)Melandri-39
10)Simoncelli-39

So that's that...the next time out, the boys will goose-step into the Motherland for the German MotoGP at der Sachsenring. Rossi is planning his post-leg snap return in Germany after a successful 24 lap shakedown of his gimp leg on a World Superbike spec R1 at Misano, earlier this week. Hopefully he doesn't do the Doohan.

T...out.

*Pics from superbikeplanet.com and motogp.com

MotoGP Silverstone

2010-06-24T20:57:00.000-07:00

So, here it is, the British MotoGP round at the new and improved Silverstone. Up to this year, the British MotoGP has been held at Iron Maiden's old stomping grounds, Donington Park. The last time Silverstone hosted MotoGP was in the mid-80's, or a time most of the MotoGP riders refer to as the 'womb years'

Champion leader, Lorenzo, helped himself to pole position. DePuniet (who did a trackday with the Silverstone locals a week or so before the race...cheater) sat in 2nd, followed by Pedrosa in 3rd. The second row consisted of one-part Dovizioso, one-part Hayden, and one-part Stoner. Spies sat 7th and Edwards sat somewhere between Spies and last on the grid...again.

Moving right along...Lights out, and everyone (except Stoner) piled in to turn 1. Except Stoner, you ask? It seems Stoner left his carbon fiber-handled parking brake on and slow-balled into the first corner in last place from a 6th place start...Oops. Meanwhile, Lorenzo hits the front followed by Pedro. Pedro made a few half-assed attempts at getting into the lead before Lorenzo kicked him to the curb, gapped the field, and scurried off to win another race by a country Kilometer. JLo's victory celebration was some sort of Spanish-to-English- then-back-to-Spanish Google-Translated version of Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. It worked, I guess.

Meanwhile, back in the pack...things were getting kind of hectic in the fight for the first and second loser spots on the box. Track day cheater, De Puniet, was looking quick in 3rd and soon put his Bunny Bike past Pedro and up into the provisional first loser spot. Dovizioso now sat quietly in 3rd and quickly closed down the track day cheater. While this was-a-happenin', Pedro was dropping off the pace and soon fucked up and got taken by Hayden for 4th. Pedro continued to drop off and soon had Marco Simoncelli 'piling pressure on his rear'. A few laps later, Pedro finally got a little sore and let Simoncelli through into 5th. Ben Pies then started to apply his own Texas-style pressure on Pedro and went up the inside of him in one of the tight sections (of the track). Later in that lap, Spies tee'd up Simoncelli and went past him on the brakes into turn 1. Dovi finally closed down De Puniet and went past him on the front straight to take 2nd.

10 to go, and Hayden managed to close down the front group and looked to be in the hunt for his first podium of 2010. De Puniet roasted the tires on the Bunny Bike, and both Hayden and Spies went past him to take over 3rd and 4th, respectively. 6 to go, and Capirossi followed Melandri's first lap example, and put on his own scratch-and-dent sale in turn 1...'For sale: lightly scuffed aquamarine-colored front fender. Fits 2008-2010 Suzuki GSVR's. Serious buyers only.'

The American Inquisition...3 to go, and Hayden was sitting in 3rd with Spies closing him down. Hayden split his time between chasing Dovi for 2nd and holding off Spies...it was good to see Hayden back to his 'sideways' shenanigans. Last lap, and Dovi sat in a fairly safe 2nd which left Hayden and Spies in a cage match for the final podium spot. At the end of the back straight, Spies looked to be going past Hayden on the inside/brakes, but Hayden squashed that move, and re-outbraked Spies around the outside to maintain 3rd. Spies then lined up Hayden for another move, but Hayden saved Spies the effort by running wide and letting him through, easy-boat style. Spies the rode the shit out of the last half o' lap in super-defensive mode, and just held off Hayden for his debut MotoGP podium. Golf claps, all around for the Texan.

Result:

1) Lorenzo/Fiat Yamaha

2) Dovizioso/Repsol Honda

3) Spies/Monster Tech 3 Yamaha

4) Hayden/Marlboro Ducati

5) Stoner/Marlboro Ducati

6) De Puniet/Playboy LCR Honda

7) Simoncelli/San Carlo Gresini Honda

8) Pedrosa/Repsol Honda

9) Edwards/Monster Tech 3 Yamaha

10)Espagaro/Pramac Ducati

11)Barbera/Paginas Amarillas Aspar Ducati

12)Bautista/Rizla Suzuki

13)Kallio/Pramac Ducati

No Result:

Capirossi/Rizla Suzuki

Melandri/San Carlo Gresini Honda

Top 10 Points After Round 5

1) Lorenzo/115

2) Dovizioso/78

3) Pedrosa/73

4) Rossi/61

5) Hayden/52

6) De Puniet/46

7) Spies/36

8) Stoner/35

9) Melandri/32

10)Simoncelli/32

So, with Rossi out for a few more months, the title is pretty much Lorenzo's to lose. The big to-do will be who will take 2nd and 3rd at the end of the season.

The next round is this weekend at Assen, a track at which Hayden has won and podiumed over the years. Spies is also familiar with Assen from his time in World Superbike, last year...meaning he won't have to spend the first practice session fucking around trying to figure out which way the track goes and whatnot. Methinks Hayden and/or Spies will be on the box this time around...care to wager? Don't forget, the race is on SATURDAY on SpeedTV @ 8:30am CST. I guess I'll have to DVR my cartoons.

T...out

*Photos from superbikeplanet.com, motogp.com, and mcnews.com.au

MotoGP @ Mugello

2010-06-09T20:07:00.001-07:00

Last time out, at Le Mans, Jorge Lorenzo smoked Valentino Rossi and took the race win by over 5 seconds. In the process, Lorenzo also shot to the top of the charts in the championship points standings.

This brings us to round 4 at Moo-Jello. With this being Rossi's home race, the Yellow shirts were out en masse to witness their golden boy avenge his Frenchtastic ass-kicking. So...how would the race unfold? What epic scenario would play out as Rossi snatches back a race win and the championship points lead? Take my handy-dandy prerace quiz. No notes and no cheating, please.

Q. At Mugello, Rossi will...?

A) Get the holeshot, clear off, and win by 12 seconds.

B) Endure a race-long battle with Lorenzo and punt him into the gravel on the final corner to take the win.

C) Take himself and Lorenzo in the first turn.

D) Highside in practice, break his leg, and miss the race altogether.

E) Cook his tires in the opening laps trying to keep up with Pedrosa and drift back to an eventual 6th place finish.

F) Skip the race to go test a Ferrari F1 car.

G) Get a ride-through penalty for a jumpstart, rejoin the race, and bag a respectable 4th.

And the answer is...

'D'...During practice, Rossi tossed himself over the bars and into space. When he returned to Earth, he broke his lower right leg (shin bone) on impact. The break was so severe that the bone tore through the skin, and Rossi was choppered to a local hospital for surgery. Mugello would be the first race Rossi has missed in his entire GP career, and it looks like he'll be out for the rest of the year. Hundreds of Rossi fans were found dead under the bleachers hanging by Yellow '46' t-shirts fashioned into nooses. Get well soon (Rossi, not the fans).

Enough about that. Repsol Honda's Dani Ponderosa starts from from pole, followed by Lorenzo and Stoner. Nicky Hayden heads up the second row in 4th followed by Colin Edwards in an oh-so-familiar 5th. Spies in 7th...not too shabby for his first time at this track.

On to the racing...The lights go out and Pedrosa leads into the first corner followed closely by Lorenzo. Spies got a good start up to 4th from 7th. Stoner and Hayden sat back in 5th and 6th. At the end of the first lap it's Pedro, Lorenzo, and Dovizioso. Lap 2 and Pedro sets the fastest lap, gaps the field, and scampers off for the win. Enough about him.

With Pedro making a B-line to the kiddie pool, the battle for the last two podium spots is on like Donkey Kong, with Lorenzo and Dovi beating the shit out of each other at every braking zone. While this was going on, Homeboy Hayden got bored with the race and decided to set sail on the U.S.S. Gravelboat....man overboard. What about former MotoGP champ Stoner? He's pooping around in 5th place...pretty much phoning it in until he jumps ship to Repsol Honda in 2011. Two naval references in one paragraph, thank you very much.

Lorenzo finally shakes off Dovi and sets sail (it never ends) for Pedro at the front. With Pedro's gap a bridge too far, Lorenzo will have to settle for second, and Dovi a comfortable third.

With the laps winding down, an epic battle for fourth continues between DePuniet, Melandri, Stoner, and Spies. All four are looking rather quick, but Stoner now remembers that he hasn't signed an actual contract with Honda for 2011 and decides it would be a good idea to win this battle just in case...don't quit your job before you've found a new one. Stoner made his way through this group and bagged a decent fourth. Spies hung on the back to grab seventh at his first time at Mugello.

Up front, Pedro cruises home for the win followed by Lorenzo and Dovizio. Even with Pedro's win, Lorenzo increased his lead in the championship points standings. The points look like this after 4 rounds...1)Lorenzo 2)Pedrosa 3)Rossi 4)Dovizioso 5)Hayden 6) DePuniet 7) Melandri 8) Simoncelli 9) Stoner 10) Spies.

Smooth Sailing:

1 Pedrosa/Repsol Honda

2 Lorenzo/Fiat Yamaha

3 Dovzioso/Repsol Honda

4 Stoner/Ducati Marlboro

5 Melandri/San Carlo Honda Gresini

6 De Puniet/LCR Honda

7 Spies Tech/3 Yamaha

8 Espargaro/Pramac Racing Ducati

9 Simoncelli/San Carlo Honda Gresini

10 Capirossi/Rizla Suzuki

11 Aoyama/Interwetten Honda MotoGP

12 Barbera/Paginas Amarillas Aspar Ducati

13 Edwards/II Tech 3 Yamaha

14 Bautista/Rizla Suzuki

Man Overboard:

Hayden/Ducati Marlboro

Kallio/Pramac Racing Ducati

Next time out it's Silverstone...who will be on Rossi's bike?

'A cowboy is to the prairie as a sailor is to the sea'

T...out

Road America Oh-Ten

2010-06-07T17:13:00.000-07:00

Right turn, Clyde.

Neato.

Sausage party.

600's into turn 8...my camera sucks.

They grow cheese in these things.

Each campsite came with a complimentary rainstorm.

Jake Holden + Danny Eslick + 2 Harley XR1200's + Turn 3 = This picture.

Ducs in a row.

Gearing up for getting down...Superbike starting grid.

Horn mono.

PJ...campsite stunna.

This is how exciting the electric bike race was.

Wolverine Westby

Into Turn 1

PJ again.

www.onthethrottle.com

2010-05-21T15:48:00.001-07:00

OnTheThrottle.com is going to be using some songs by my (now defunct) band, The Chezwicks, in their roadracing video updates...Here's the first installment. There are two bands used in this vid...we're the one using real guitars and drums. Duh.

Bayliss Pt. Deux

2010-05-13T20:08:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry to harp on about this, but Bayliss just completed the first day of his 'test' of a factory Ducati Xerox/xoreX 1198 (R-series) superbike @ Mugello. After being off a bike for over 18 months, Bayliss put in best lap of 1:59.9, which is over 1/2 second (or 6/10th of a second if you want to get all mathematical-n-shit) than current factory Ducati riders Haga and Fabrizio managed earlier this year at a test at the same track

You'll also notice in the pictures (both of which taken at the same test) that Bayliss is sporting 2 different brands of helmets...sorting out a new helmet sponsor?

From WorldSBK.com...Regarding an eventual return to the track for Bayliss, team manager Ernesto Marinelli refused to make any significant comments, declaring: "Hold on, this is an important decision that we will eventually leave up to Troy. It's clear that for him the door is always open".

The next time Bayliss will ride the Ducati will be at Misano during World Ducati Week from 10 to 13 June.

T...out.

Bayliss Back In 2011?

2010-05-12T06:27:00.001-07:00

Article by Dean Adams over at the ever-rad superbikeplanet.com

Three-time World Superbike champion and full-fledged Ducati racing hero Troy Bayliss is contemplating a return to World Superbike racing.

Bayliss retired at the culmination of the 2008 World Superbike season with 52 wins and three world titles. His forthright, workingman persona, coupled with his prowess on a Ducati Superbike, made him a favorite of fans from the alleys near the Ducati factory in Bologna to the pit lane at Salt Lake City's Miller Motorsports Park, and all points in between. Now, after a season off from racing, Bayliss says he is mulling a racing comeback.

Reached last night in his hotel room in Italy, the Australian spoke with Superbikeplanet.com about his retirement and unhappiness in leaving racing, which many infer happened a season or two too early.

Asked if, after a full season of not racing, he has come to terms with being retired, Bayliss said in his characteristically blunt fashion, "Not one little bit, not at all."

"All I can say is that I am going back to ride the bike again," Bayliss confessed, "and I am thinking about starting again, honestly."

Bayliss tested the factory Ducati MotoGP bike last season and is, in fact, testing a factory Ducati Superbike today at Mugello. It's clear that his role as a sometimes test rider for the factory has not been enough to placate's Bayliss' competitive spirit and need to win. Perhaps his future is in team management at Ducati Superbike? Bayliss: "You're joking right? I have no interest in being a team manager of any kind. The test riding job is okay but ...".

The triple world champion sealed his WSBK career with a third title in his final season of racing, and left little doubt of his ability right up until the final lap. He won both WSBK legs at Portimao, his then final race. At the time, many of his rivals openly scoffed that he would stay retired for long, with both Ruben Xaus and Max Biaggi saying privately that they expected to see Bayliss back on a Superbike eventually. Xaus predicted that he'd be on the bike and racing in 2009.

"I quit too early," Bayliss said last night. "I'm pissed off because I stopped one championship short of Fogarty and I'm seven wins down on him."

Was this just idle talk from Bayliss? "I'm not joking," he said. "This is basically all I want to say for now. If I do come back, I should be on a Ducati." Bayliss clearly made an effort to clearly form the word "should" when speaking this sentence.

Is the current state of the factory Ducati WSBK team—they struggled at Monza and were not competing for the podium—a factor as to why Bayliss is strongly considering donning his leathers and taking the grid again? It's difficult to know. Bayliss spoke about his old team, saying that they had "hit a rough patch" but that he wasn't surprised that they were under the gun at ultra-high-speed Monza.

"We struggled there in top speed in 2008, so it's no surprise that they did this year," he said. "The bike is lacking a little bit of top end power. I think Monza was one of the most difficult races they'll have this year. The Ducati can still win; we saw it in Valencia where Nori had to come from a long way back."

About the rider who replaced him on the factory Ducati team, Bayliss said, "Nori has always been a rider that's had to build himself up over a weekend and the way qualifying is now (the new SuperPole format) doesn't suit him. I think if he could sort out his qualifying issues he could be winning races."

Throughout his career at Ducati, Bayliss enjoyed a close relationship with Ducati race engineer Ernesto Marinelli. The two worked together when Bayliss set the pole for the Daytona 200 on the Vance & Hines Ducati Superbike and continued that successful collaboration when Bayliss replaced the legendary Carl Fogarty on the factory WSBK team. When Ducati team manager Davide Tardozzi left Ducati, Marinelli moved up from the engineering ranks to guide the team. Bayliss didn't vocalize this, but it can't be easy to stand by and watch Marinelli and company struggle.

"I said, let's do a test with Ernesto and the boys and see what we can do, do a race sim (simulation) and let's see," Bayliss said.

Bayliss' often-told story is one of an auto body shop worker, probably too old to race at the world level who proved conventional wisdom and many, many experts wrong by becoming the pre-eminent Superbike rider in the world and a multi-time world champion. What fueled Bayliss' drive through that incredible journey is a quiet confidence and a passion to compete and win.

"I can tell you that I'm looking forward to tomorrow more than any tomorrow since I retired," Bayliss said last night on the eve of his Ducati Superbike test.

MotoGP Jerez - Go Jump In A Lake

2010-05-04T20:44:00.000-07:00

As you may or may not know, last weekend's Japenese MotoGP was postponed due the Icelandic volcano known as 'Eyjafjallajokull' (say that three times fast), blowing its ashy load all over Europe and fucking up air travel in the process. This gave the riders an extra week to injure themselves in motorcross and mountain bike accidents. It also gave me an extra week to get a new laptop...someone destroyed my old one.

Qualifying came and went, and is was Lil' Danny (hold the soft egg and pickled onions, please) Pedrosa on pole, with KC Stoner and Lorenzo rounding out the front row. Rossi, Hayden, and some French guy made up the 2nd row. The other Americans, Edwards and Spies, started from 7th and 8th. Go team!

Race day...the riders took the grid spots, a giant flying saucer landed above the starting grid, the 120,000+ fans simultaneously shit their pants, and the riders got their motors running and headed out on the...um...race track. As usual, Pedrosa took the lead into the first corner, followed by Rossi, Hayden, Lorenzo, Stoner, and Spies. Everyone held station for the first few laps, and then Pedro and Rossi put a gap on Hayden and the rest. To his credit, Hayden was still looking strong in 3rd, and had a decent gap over teammate Stoner and JLo. Meanwhile, Capirossi chucked his Suzuki down the road, and Spies was fading fast, until he finally pulled the plug on his race due to a seized tire manifold. Bummer, dude.

At the front, Pedrosa was starting to open a gap over Rossi. While all seemed fine and dandy for Pedrosa, it was his compatriot and Facebook friend, Lorenzo, who was about to take Hayden for 3rd and eventually make his way to the front. Lorenzo quickly went past Hayden and closed down Rossi. 6 laps to go, and Lorenzo smashes through Rossi's dangling Yellow leg and takes the lead into turn 1. 2 laps to go, and Lorenzo is right on Pedro's arse. Lorenzo made his first move on the inside a the end of the back straight, but just smashed into Pedro's rear tire and had to back off. JLo's next attempt came two corners later as he tried to go around the outside. This didn't work, either, but he was successful in again bashing into Pedro and probably tearing off a knee slider and a few sponsors' stickers.

Last lap...JLo lines up Pedro at the end of the back straight, and completely stuffs him into the corner so hard that Pedro almost runs it off into gravel-land. Pedro manages to get his shit together in time before Rossi gets past.

Lorenzo cruises home to an epic win at his home GP in front of 120,000+ apeshit fans. Once Lorenzo crossed under the flying saucer for the final time, he did what everyone who wins their home GP does...parked his bike and jumped into the trackside lake. Excellent.

El resultado de la carrera:

1 Jorge Lorenzo/Fiat Yamaha

2 Dani Pedrosa/Repsol Honda

3 Valentino Rossi/Fiat Yamaha

4 Nicky Hayden/Marlboro Ducati

5 Casey Stoner/Marlboro Ducati

6 Andrea Dovizioso/Repsol Honda

7 Mika Kallio/Pramac Racing Ducati

8 Marco Melandri/San Carlo Gresini Honda

9 Randy De Puniet/LCR Honda

10 Alvaro Bautista/Rizla Suzuki

11 Marco Simoncelli/San Carlo Gresini Honda

12 Colin Edwards/Tech 3 Yamaha

13 Hector Barbera/Paginas Amarillas Aspar Ducati

14 Hiroshi Aoyama/Interwetten Honda

15 Aleix Espargaro/Pramac Racing Ducati

No está completa

Ben Spies/Tech 3 Yamaha/Broken Tire

Loris Capirossi/Rizla Suzuki/Fell Over

There you have it...Lorenzo takes a 4 point championship lead over Rossi with Pedrosa sitting/standing in 3rd. Hayden and Dovizioso are tied for 4th at 26 points each. Stoner, Spies, and Melandri are all tied for 8th with 11 points each.

Next stop...The French Grand Prix at Le Moans on May 23rd. T...out.

MotoGP Qatar

2010-04-16T10:47:00.001-07:00

OK, Dudes...I was writing my race report on my laptop, and I had the whole thing pretty much done when it (my laptop, not the race) froze up and shit the bed...see last photo. As a result, I'm going to re-recap the race Bad Brains-style...with the quickness, since there's no way I'm typing all that shit again.

Prerace fave, KC Stoner started from pole for the 23rd time in his career. Pedrosa got the whore-shot, and managed to hold the lead for about 3 corners before Rossi woke up from his prerace nap, and stuffed Pedro for the lead at the end of lap 1. Meanwhile, Stoner made his way way up to 1st winner's position only to toss his Ducati into the cornfields of the Qatari desert. With Stoner out, Hayden and Dovizioso made their way up to 2nd and 3rd, respectively.

While this was going on, the Texas Terrier, Ben Spies, had made his way up to 7th from an 11th place start. As Spies was moving forward, America's favorite, Pedrosa, was moving backwards. Spies put a severe 'Don't fuck with Texas' brake/pass move on Pedro into one of them there left-handers. Pedro let his laziness do the talking as he and his Honda motored past Spies on the front straight. That didn't work out very well, as Spies counter-attacked and absolutely assassinated/raped/skull-fucked Pedro on the brakes (again) to the take the spot back.

As the race wound down, Hayden and Dovi beat the shit out of each other for 3rd as Lorenzo made his way through the field. Lorenzo made his way into 3rd, leaving Hayden and Dovi to discuss who would take the final podium spot. Hayden looked to be firmly in control of these negotations, and even put a hard (not gay) move on Dovi with 3 corners to go, but the Honda top-speed didn't mesh with the Kentucky/Balogna formula, and Hayden was relegated to 4th by 11/1000th (seriously) of a second. Look for Haystack (and Spies) on the box more than once this year!

There ya' have it...the first round of the season is in the books. The next time out, we'll be @ Motegi in Japan. Supplies! Will Tamada make his comeback? Nope.

Race result:

1)Rossi 2)Lorenzo 3)Dovizioso 4)Hayden 5)Spies 6)DePuniet 7)pedrosa 8)Edwards 9)Capirossi 10)Aoyama 11)Simoncelli 12)Barebera 13)Melandri

Ambalamps!

Stoner/Bautista/Kallio/Esapargaro

Fuck Superman

2010-03-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

World Superbike Portimao - Superpole

2010-03-27T10:12:00.001-07:00

Yamaha's Cal Crutchlow sits on pole (chuckle) for the second World Superbike round @ Portimao in Portugal. Crutchlow's teammate, former WSBK champ/piano tuner/MotoGP flunkee, James Toseland, will start from 15th. Toseland was last seen scrambling around his pit box looking for his little black book of excuses. You think that's sad, then check out the FACTORY Ducatis of Fabrizio and Haga down in 17th and 18th. General Lee Hayden and his ZX10R-series will start down in 24th in front of...well...no one.

Superpole Result:

1. Cal Crutchlow GBR Yamaha Sterilgarda YZF R1

2. Max Biaggi ITA Aprilia Alitalia Racing RSV-4

3. Carlos Checa ESP Althea Ducati 1198

4. Leon Haslam GBR Alstare Suzuki GSX-R1000

5. Jonathan Rea GBR Ten Kate Honda CBR1000RR

6. Jakub Smrz CZE PATA B&G Racing Ducati 1198

7. Shane Byrne GBR Althea Ducati 1198 1min

8. Troy Corser AUS BMW Motorrad S1000RR 1min

In other news...the other American, 3-foot-tall Jason DiSalvo, will start his 3-cylinder Triumph in a respectable 10th place in the World Supersport race. Nice work, little fella.

In other other news...AMA Superbike/Sportbike/Supersport be happenin', this weekend at the California Super Speedaway Complex in Fontucky, California. Anyone but Pegram...please.

See it all (along with a bunch of awesome commercials) this weekend on SpeedTV. (all times are Central)

Saturday

9PM AMA Superbike Race 1

10PM AMA Sportbike Race 1

Sunday

2PM WSBK Race 1

3PM WSBK Race 2

10PM AMA Superbike Race 2

11PM AMA Sportbike Race 2

Irish Road Racing

2010-03-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

...it's magically delicious.

Happy St. Amateur's Day.

Fuck you, Ronnie.

2010-03-08T02:13:00.001-08:00

AMA Daytona

2010-03-07T11:41:00.001-08:00

The AMA roadracing series got underway down at Daytona bike week this weekend. Good racing all-around, but the performance of the weekend came from SpeedTV mouthpiece, Ralph Sheheen, who wowed us with nuggets of crucial information such as "on a motorcycle, the rear tire is wider than the front tire", and "here we are on lap 12, with lap 13 coming up". Tool.

Yamaha's Josh Herrin won the 200 on his R6. Herrin's teammate, Tommy 'hot mom' Aquino looked to be in contention for the win, until his crew bathed him and his bike in race gas during his first pit stop. Smooth move, dudes.

Jake Zemke did the double on his Michael Jordan Racing/National Guard GSXR1000 superbike.

16 year old Elena Myers bagged a top ten (7th) place finish in the never-to-be-seen-on-television Supersport race. Nice work, girl.

Oh yeah...this is my new Fire-belly toad. His name is ZX7R, and he pushes the 'shift' key for me. Ribbit.

T...out.

World Superbike Phillip Island

2010-03-01T22:55:00.000-08:00

Finally...some fucking racing! The 2010 World Superbike series kicked off from the ever-rad Phillip Island circuit in Australia. Much to the relief of the rest of the paddock, 2009 champeen and series dismantler, Ben Spies, is off to MotoGP to team up with Colin Edwards in the Yamaha Tex-3 team. With Spies out of the picture, will this finally be Nori Haga's year to bag the championship, or will he be denied for the 67th time?

2009 World Supersport champ, Cal Crutchlow has teamed up with MotoGP refugee/piano tuner James Toseland in the Factory Yamaha team. Both of them seem to think they have what it takes. 2009 British Superbike champ, Leon Camier has teamed up with Max Biaggi on the factory Aprilia team. Bitchin'. Personally, I think Biaggi has the best chance of denying Haga. The other MotoGP refugee, Chris Vermeulen, will be aboard the Factory Kawasaki ZX10R this year. With Kawasaki saying 'fuck you' to MotoGP and the AMA series, they are putting all their sushi in their World Superbike effort. We shall see. Our very own Porkchop Hayden has also given the AMA the finger and signed on to ride a satellite ZX10R for the Pedercini Kawasaki team. Apparently, the prospect of running around at the back of the World Superbike field is more enticing than winning supersport races in the AMA. Good luck, Rog.

Anyway...qualifying came and went, and Alstare Suzuki's new signing, Leon Haslam put his (it's not really 'his', he just gets paid a shitload of money to ride it.)GSXR1000 on pole. Fabrizio, Crutchlow, and Checa rounded out the front row. Where's Haga? He started from 10th. What about our old buddy, Xaus? He qualified 15th, but didn't race due to him destroying 3 bikes during qualifying. Bummer dude...see you in Portugal. And Porkchop? He qualified in last-teenth place, which is also where he finished both races. I'm looking at you, Vermeulen.

OK...enough babbling. The lights went out for Race 1, and Fabrizio immediately hit the front, but Haslam went around the outside of him into the really fucking fast turn 1 to take the lead. Balls. Haga hit the nitro button (see what I did there?) and blasted up to 3rd from 10th on the grid. At the end of the first lap, Haslam had stretched out a decent lead over the factory Ducati boys. Everything pretty much stayed the same, until Toseland hit a wrong note and highsided himself into space over the top of Lukey Heights. Jorge Lorenzo would’ve been impressed. A few laps later, Toseland’s fellow MotoGP refugee, Vermuelen, tossed his Kawasaki into the gravel. Welcome back to World Supers, you two. Crutchlow then decided to follow teammate Toseland’s example and and lost the front into one of those tight, hairpin corner thingies. Dear Mr. Spies; Please come back. Love; The Yamaha World Superbike mechanics.

The front group of Haslam, Febreze, and Haga continued to put a huge gap on the rest of the field. It looked like Haslam was on his way to his first-ever World Superbike win. Into the last lap, Febreze closed up on Haslam and was looking for the win. As they crossed the line, Fabrizio was originally credited with the win. It was then declared a photo finish, so race control reviewed the finish, flipped a coin, and awarded Haslam the win by 4/1000 of second. Haga cruised home in a safe 3rd.

On to race 2. Febreze got the holeshot, but Haslam, once again, went right around the outside to take the lead into turn 1. Balls pt. deux. The front three were the same as race 1, for now. Meanwhile, Alstare Suzuki’s other new boy, Sylvain Guintoli, was picking people and joined the back of the front three and then took Haga and Febreze in the span of two corners to take over 2nd place behind Haslam. The next lap, Guintoli upped the ante and went past Haslam to take the lead in to turn one. Meanwhile, back in the pack…Vermeulen, not happy with his dainty race 1 tipover, decided he wanted to make this one count and fired his Kawasaki (and himself) into the tire wall at 100+ mph. He was stretchered off to the medical center, but should be back for Portugal.

Back up front, Guintoli held the lead for a few laps before being taken by Haslam and Febreze. While this was going on, Checa was rapidly moving through the field and soon threatened the front two. Checa made his way up to 2nd and, with one lap to go, was right on Haslam’s arse. Game on. Checa lined up Haslam around the outside of Lukey Heights and stuffed into the next hairpin and held on for the win. Nice work, amigo.

Race 1

Haslam-Suzuki

Fabrizio-Ducati

Haga-Ducati

Race 2

Checa-Ducati

Haslam-Suzuki

Fabrizio-Ducati

So, that's that. Round one is in the books, and Haslam leaves the island with a 9 point championship lead over Fabrizio. Checa sits in 3rd and Haga in 4th. The next stop is Portugal in a month.

T...out.

Chick on Chick Action

2009-11-26T11:58:00.001-08:00

TurkeyDay2K9

2009-11-26T07:47:00.000-08:00

Bloody Mary in hand, corned beef in the crock, and DVR in full effect. Word.

2009-11-14T18:25:00.001-08:00

Cool black and white photos from www.superbikeplanet.com.

1098R

Pedrosa

The Family Mladin

Nicky Hayden

Um...yeah

MotoGP Valencia

2009-11-12T22:36:00.001-08:00

Valencia...MotoGP's yearly 'last chance for romance'. The championship is done and dusted, with Rossi wrapping up his 9th world title last time out at Malaysia. Lorenzo still has a drunk frat boy in Tijuana's chance of maintaining 2nd in the championship over K.C. Stoner and his hot wife.

Regardless of what everyone else does (or doesn't) Pedrosa is going to end his season 3rd in the champeenship. Number 5, Colin the Edwards, who is starting from 5th, is looking to secure 5th overall over Repsol Honda's Dovizioso. 2009 World Superbike series dismantler, Ben's Pies, is making a wildcard appearance this weekend on a 5th Yamaha M1. Spies is using this race to gain additional seat time on the Yamaha before slotting into the Monster Energy Tex-3 team fulltime for 2010.

So then, we have Stoner on pole, followed by Pedrosa and Lorenzo. Rossi, Edwards, and Hayden sat their asses on the second row, in that order. Pies did good to qualify in 9th. Rad.

Alrighty then, the bikes are fired up, the umbrella talent scurry back to pit row, and the riders set off on their warm up lap. As usual, Stoner waves everyone by so that he can be the last to arrive back on the grid and smugly needle his way through the other riders and up to his spot at the front of the grid. Not this time...Stoner managed to highside his Ducati while waiving at the crowd, and found himself out of the race before it even began. Everyone else survives the warm up lap, and it's away we go. Pedrosa gets his usual excellent start, goes directly to the front, and trots off to win the race by a day or two...no more bandwidth will be wasted on him.

Toni Elias also managed a good start and slotted in to 2nd place (for now). Lorenzo and Rossi sat in 3rd and 4th, respectively. Edwards took his usual spot in Edwardth. Hayden sat in 7th and Pies back in 11th. A few laps later, Lorenzo went past Elias into the final corner to take over 2nd. Rossi wasted no time and destroyed Elias on the brakes at the very next corner to take 3rd. A few corners later, Lorenzo shit his leathers as he almost tossed his Yamaha into the weeds coming out of turn 11. Rossi took advantage of this and blew past Lorenzo and up to 2nd. Rossi wasn't able to reel in Pedro and had to settle for a 2nd place finish. JLo sorta kinda reeled in Rossi, but wasn't able to seal the deal...3rd place finish for him.

Meanwhile, back in the pack...Homeboy Haystack was looking strong and was making his way forward. He sat behind DePuniet for a few laps before completely stuffing him up the inside to take over 6th. Pies was back in 10th, but was tagged right on the back of Dovi, DeAngelis, Melandri, and Kallio. Before the race, Pies admitted that the first few laps would be difficult as he wasn't really comfortable on his Yamaha and the limits it offered over his World Superbike machine...he was basically using the first half of the race as another test session. Well...that test paid off. The Ben began to pick off the MotoGP regulars in front of him one at a time. The pinnacle of this little sorte' came when Pies stuffed Repsol Honda's Dovizioso on the brakes and took over 7th. Pies' demoting of Dovi also guaranteed Edwards of a 5th (imagine that) finish in the final 2009 championship standings. After the race, ran over to Pies' pit box and rewarded him with a uniquely Texan hug/hump. Tex-Trois in full effect, boyeee.

As Fletch would say; 'There ya' have it'. Pedroda cruised home for the win, followed by Rossi, Lorenzo, Edwards, and Hayden. Pies bagged himself a 7th place finish...not too shabby, considering he's had about 3 hours on the bike.

Result;

1 Dani Pedrosa Repsol Honda Honda

2 Valentino Rossi Fiat Yamaha Yamaha

3 Jorge Lorenzo Fiat Yamaha Yamaha

4 Colin Edwards II Tech 3 Yamaha Yamaha

5 Nicky Hayden Ducati Marlboro Ducati

6 Tony Elias San Carlo Honda Gresini Honda

7 Ben Spies Yamaha

8 Andrea Dovizioso Repsol Honda Honda

9 Mika Kallio Pramac Racing Ducati

10 Alex De Angelis San Carlo Honda Gresini Honda

11 Randy De Puniet LCR Honda Honda

12 James Toseland Tech 3 Yamaha Yamaha

13 Aleix Espargaro Ducati

14 Loris Capirossi Rizla Suzuki Suzuki

15 Chris Vermeulen Rizla Suzuki Suzuki

16 Gabor Talmacsi Honda

17 Marco Melandri Hayate Racing Kawasaki

That's a wrap. The 2009 racing season is done and dusted. This race reporting is a tough racket. It's time to turn my expense reports in to Jeff and then set off to Puerto Penasco, Mexico

T...out

Worldsuperbike - Port of Mayo

2009-10-27T22:07:00.001-07:00

As you know...American Ben's Pies needed to win both races at this year's final outing to take the World Superbike title in his rookie season. If Spies were to win both races, he would arrive at the end of the season equal on points with current points leader, Nori Haga, but would take the title due to having (way) more race wins. There are several more race finish/points scenarios that would work in Spies' favor, but I was told there'd be no math.

Race 1...Starting from his 11th pole of the year, Spies got a good start, and took all the pretenders around the outside for the lead into turn 1. Biaggi and his Aprilia managed to tuck in behind Spies in 2nd, followed by Shakey Byrne in 3rd. Donde esta senior Haga? Up to 7th from his 10th place start. Spies set the outright lap record on his first flying lap...guess who won the race? Spies and Biaggi put a decent gap on everyone else until the 6th lap, when it happened...Haga tossed it away as he lost the front into the hairpin.

Haga wasn't able to get back on track, which gifted Spies (yeah, he won the race) a 15 point championship lead going into the final race of the year. A few lap later, Honda's Johnny Rea made made his way up into 2nd. Spies crossed the line in 1st, with Rea in 2nd, and Biaggi holding of Byrne for the final spot ont he podium (that'd be 3rd)

Race 2...Despite Haga's race 1 tip over, If Haga managed to win race 2, Spies still needed, roughly, a 6th place finish to nab the title in his rookie season. Lights out, and FastBikes video star, Shane Byrne, gets the whore-shot on his private Duck, with Spies in 2nd. Meanwhile, Haga skipped the extra helping of Sushi over the lunch break, and bolted up to 5th from the grid. At the end of the next lap, Rea took 'The Ben' at the end of the front straight for 2nd. Methinks that Spies did his pre-race math, and was completely aware of who needed to be where so that he could wrap up the title...in addition, Rea ranks equal to Fabrizio in the 'Bonzai' department, so he was happy to usher him through. Safety first.

Much to the distaste of the Ducati bosses, Fabrizio made his way past Haga (he'll be sleeping with the fishes) and Rea too take the lead. Fabreze held on for the win with haga right behind him in 2nd. Rea took 3rd with Byrne in 4th. Spies played it safe and kroozed home in xtreme style in 5th to wrap up his, and Yamaha's', inaugural World SuperBike title. Word.

Final Rider's Standings;

1) Ben Spies - Yamaha - 462

2) Noriyuki Haga - Ducati - 456

3) Michel Fabrizio - Ducati - 382

4) Max Biaggi - Aprilia - 319

5) Johnny Rea - Honda - 315

There ya go...game, set, match. Spies, and his title, are off to the Yamaha Tex-Trois MotoGP team to bang-up with Edwards next season. Spies will even be 'wildcarding' during the final race of the 2009 MotoGP season on the Yamaha MotoGP bike at Valencia next week. Next season, current MotoGP flunkout, James Toseland, will take The Ben's spot on the factory R-Series Yamaha alongside 2009 World Supersport champeem, Cal Crutchlow in next year's Yamaha WorldSuperbike effort.

Buy me a shot.

T...out.

!!!SUNDAY!!!

2009-10-24T10:40:00.001-07:00

Epic racing tomorrow with both the MotoGP and World Superbike titles up for grabs.

In MotoGP, Champeenship leader Rossi will start the MotoGP of Malaria from pole position. The only dude who still has a shot at the title, Lorenzo, will start the race from second. With a 38 point gap between these two, Rossi only needs a 4th place finish to wrap up his umpteenth world title with one race to go. Homeboy Haybale put in a decent qualifying effort, and will start at the top of the 3rd row in 7th. Colin the Texan will start four places back from his usual spot in 9th.

On the World BetterRacing front...At Portimao, Yamaha R-series pilot, Ben Spies, will start the final two races of the year from pole...his 11th this year. One Mr. Noriyuki Haga goes into this final round with a 10 point championship lead, but will be starting from a not-so-hot 10th place on the grid. If "The Ben" manages to win both races, and Haga finishes 2nd in both, they will be tied on points, but Spies will take the title onnacounta he has a truckload more wins than Haga this season. Either way, Spies is off to MotoGP next year to pardner up with Colin the Edwards at Tex-Trois Yamaha.

If Haga doesn't seal the deal this year, there's always next year as he has re-signed with Xerox Ducati for 2010. Also...in in an effort to give Spies as much MotoGP seat time as possible, Yamama will be supplying an additional bike for the final MotoGP round at Valencia this year for Spies to run as a wildcard. Will he beat Toseland? The fortune cookie that came with my shlimp flied lice says 'yes'.

My plan is to get an early drunk-on, and be home by 1a.m. to watch the MotoGP race live online...you should do the same. After that, I'll sleep off the booze, then throw a corned beef in the crock pot and catch the World Superbike races on SpudTV.

Sunday races on SPEEDTV:

WSBK Race 1 @ 2p.m. CST

WSBK Race 2 @ 3p.m. CST

MotoGP 250 @ 4p.m. CST

MotoGP @ 5p.m. CST

T...out

MotoGP Phillip Island - Oi!

2009-10-20T21:03:00.000-07:00

Last time out, at Portugal, Lorenzo cut Rossi's championship lead to just 18 points courtesy of a win and the fact the Rossi rode a 'crap' race, where he finished in a lowly 4th place. I can think of more than a few riders on the MotoGP grid who would gladly shoot a puppy if they were told they would be gifted a 4th plave race result in exchange.

During qualifying, Stoner did what he normally does...goes out and sets the fastest lap, and then hibernates in his pit box with his hot wife and waits for someone else to come close to his time. In this case, it was Rossi that managed to set the new fast lap. Stoner got back out there and vaporized Rossi's lap time, while Melandri vaporized a Seagull. So, the front row was Stoner, Rossi, and Pedrosa. Lorenzo started off of the front row for the first time this year in 4th. Number 5, Colin Edwards, started from 5th. Guess where he finished...again. Homeboy Haystack started from a decent 7th. So that's that...moving on.

The riders grid up, the locals stop drinking, fighting, and beating their wives, and it's game on. Pedrosa gets his usual 'fat bike with a little guy' start, and hits the front. Hayden had gotten a decent start, and looked to be up to 4th, until Lorenzo (who got a shit start) butt-packed him going into turn 1. Hayden managed to keep it upright...over the gravel and through he grass, it's the back of the pack he went. Hayden rejoined the race in 15th (last) about 1/2 an hour behind everyone else. Lorenzo managed to destroy his front brakes when he hit Hayden, and had no choice but to pile off into gravel. Game over.

A few corners later, made an inside move on Pedrosa, but run ran wide. Fail. Pedrosa still at the front. Rossi was sitting right on Stoner's ass in 3rd and looking to get up into the lead. The next lap, Stoner took Pedro on the brakes for the lead. Rossi, doing his best Stoner impression, also went by Pedro on the brakes at the Honda hairpin and up to 2nd place.

From here on out, it was pretty much Stoner and Rossi. Pedrosa did try to fight back against Rossi at the end of the front straight, but that was pretty much pointless. Stoner took off at the front for a few laps, but Rossi managed to keep him in check. From there it was a matter of Stoner playing puppet master to Rossi as he managed the gap and kept Rossi just far enough back to not be a threat. Witnessing Stoner lighting up his rear tire into turn 3 was absolutely bananas. Stoner fired it home for a win at his home GP. With Lorenzo's oopsie, Rossi bagged a 38 point championship lead with two races to go. Rad.

Race Result:

1) Stoner-Marlboro Ducati

2) Rossi-Fiat Yamacka

3) Pedrosa-Repsol Honda

4) DeAngelis-San Carlo Honda

5) Take a guess-duh

6) Dovizioso-Repsol Honda

7) Melandri-Hayate

8) DePuniet-Playboy Honda

9) Kallio-Pramac Ducati

10) Elias-San CarloHonda

11) Vermeulen-Rizla Suzuki

12) Capirossi-Rizla Suzuki

13) Talmacsi-Scot Honda

14) Toseland-Tech 3Yamaha

15) Hayden-Marlboro Ducati

No can do: Lorenzo and a Seagull.

Next weekend it's Malaysia, where Rossi could wrap up the title.

T...out.

MotoGP Estoril...Rocket Man

2009-10-07T20:49:00.001-07:00

MotoGP at Estoril in Portugal...no one's home race. Valentino Rossi came into this round with a 30 point championship lead over teammate Jorge Lorenzo. Casey Stoner came into this round fresh off a self-induced 3 race absence that he spent back in the land down under being treated for a brutal case of Kangaroo Flu. Many wondered if Stoner would even show up at all. Well...he showed up, told Schwantz to shut the fuck up, and qualified in 3rd. Not bad for being off the bike for 9 weeks. JLo and Rossi started from Pole and 2nd respectively. What about the 'mericans? Edwards started from Edwardth and Hayden from 9th. So there.

This is also 'contract time', when under performing and sponsorship-challenged riders get canned to make way for new blood. Rossi and Lorenzo will be back next year with Fiat Yamaha. Rumor is that Rossi may jump ship to Ducati at the end of 2010. World Superbike hotshot Ben Spies will be pardner'd up with Edwards at Tex 3 Yamaha...Toseland got shuffled back to World Superbike to ride a factory Yamaha R1 and play a Yamaha piano in his gay cover band. Vermeulen is also heading off to World Superbike, where he will ride for the 'factory' Kawasaki team, while 250cc maniac, Alvaro Bautista, will step up to take his seat on the Suzuki MotoGP bike along side Capirossi. Stoner and Hayden at Ducati. Dovi and Pedrosa at Repsol Honda. Melandri and Simoncelli at Gresini Honda. Elias looks to be off to Moto2, and DeAngelis to a disco.

Back to the race...Lights out and Pedrosa, who is made of styrofoam, went straight to the front of the pack. Pedro's lead lasted roughly 4 corners, until he ran wide and let Lorenzo and his fucking sweet Neil Armstrong tribute helmet up into the lead. From there, JLo pretty much scurried off to a lonely 4th win of the season by a gap of over 7 seconds. Meanwhile, Rossi sat in 3rd with Stoner right on his ass. 2 corners into the 2nd lap, Stoner took Rossi for 2nd courtesy of a rather ballsy inside move and quickly closed down on Pedrosa in 2nd. As for Rossi, that was as good as it was going to get. That's right, the world champ finished in 4th...this was also the first time he has ever finished off the podium at Estoril. Gutted.

26 laps to go, and Stoner smokes Pedro on the brakes at the end of the front straight to take over 2nd...but not before grinding his right footpeg on the previous corner. Nine weeks off the bike? Yeah, right.

With JLo long gone, the top four places were pretty much done and dusted. What else was going on, you ask? Well, not a whole hell of a lot. Homeboy Hayden had gotten a decent start, but was starting to go backwards and ended the day in 9th. Edwards finished where he started...in 5th. Elias was in true 'contract time' mode and finished 6th from his 13th place start...ape style.

Yep...Lorenzo's win cut Rossi's lead in the champeenship from 30 to 18 points with three races to go. Even though he missed three races, Stoner was only 3 points off of Pedrosa in 3rd. After another one of his epic celebration wheelies, Lorenzo pulled to the side of the track, grabbed a 'Lorenzoland' flag, and did a slow motion space walk into the gravel to plant the flag...excellent. Not only is JLo challenging Rossi for the title, but also in the post race celebration department.

Race Result:

1) Lorenzo-Yamaha

2) Stoner-Ducati

3) Pedrosa-Honda

4) Rossi-Yamaha

5) Edwards-Yamaha

6) Elias-Honda

7) Dovizioso-Honda

8) Hayden-Ducati

9) Toseland-Yamaha

10) Vermeulen-Suzuki

11) DePuniet-Honda

12) Melandri-Hayate

13) Canepa-Ducati

14) Talmacsi

DNF:

Capirossi-Suzuki

Kallio-Ducati

DeAngelis-Honda

Next stop: Phillip Island

T...out

Moto GP Misano - When Donkeys Fly

2009-09-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

Last time out at Indianapolis, Rossi saw his 50 point championship lead axed in half courtesy of his turn 2 crash and Lorenzo's win. Rossi later stated that while he was sliding ass-over-tit across the the Indy tarmac, he managed to form a solitary thought..."I am a donkey".

Fast forward to Misano...Rossi's 'home' track. Rossi, in his usual "no shame in my game" style, was sporting the Shrek donkey on his helmet...excellent!. Rossi and his donkey were fastest in every session and took pole position followed by Pedrosa and Indy race winner Lorenzo. Along with Rossi, this was also the 'home' race for Ducati, as their workshop is just a hop, skip, and a jump (over a puddle of spilt olive oil) down the road. With Stoner still on 'hiatus', the Ducatisti (Ducati nerds who have, or wish they had, a 916 with zero miles parked in their living room as a conversation piece) put their hopes on Nicky Hayden and his 6th position on the grid.

Alrighty then...game on. Lights out, and Pedrosa immediately hits the front. Two corners later the basic technique of braking is all but forgotten by DeAngelis as he torpedoes Edwards, who in turn takes out Hayden. Even before the dust had settled, Hayden is on his feet and charging DeAngelis. I smell a hate crime coming on. I found a brilliant fan video of the whole incident on that one video site, but won't post it here...F-bombs galore!

Actual quotes from their post race interviews:

Hayden; "...out of the corner of my eye I seen DeAngelis...I seen this fruity...ya' know...that rainbow helmet and I knew that wasn't gonna work."

Edwards; "We're in Italy, so there's always gotta be some dumbass Italian being a hero."

Back to the action...Pedrosa continued on at the front followed closely by Contract Time. While this was going on, Lorenzo (who almost got taken out by DeAngelis' turn 2 bowling party) stuffed Rossi and took over 3rd. A few laps later, Rossi returned the favor on Lorenzo and took off for Contract Time and Pedro. Rossi and Lorenzo then tag-teamed Contract Time and shuffled his ass back to 4th and one step closer to collecting unemployment benefits. To be fair, I think Elias and his 'Planet of the Apes' riding style totally belong in MotoGP...one of my faves, for surely.

Meanwhile, back in the race...Pedrosa was still at the front, but that wouldn't last. 21 laps to go, and Pedrosa had a little whoopsie which allowed the Donkey through to hightail it on to his sixth win of the season. Point:Rossi. With Rossi gone in the distance, Lorenzo and Pedro had their own little scrap going for second. 15 to go, and little Pedro had another little whoopsie, which let his BFF Lorenzo through and up into 2nd. Lorenzo didn't take off right away. Instead, he hung around and toyed with Pedrosa for a bit before getting bored with that and taking off to do another epic celebration wheelie across the line for 2nd. Pedro pooped it home in a safe 3rd, followed by everyone else minus the Grupo de Gravel.

Race Result: 1)Rossi 2)Lorenzo 3)Pedrosa 4)Dovizioso 5)Capirossi 6)Elias 7)Kallio 8)Melandri 9)Vermeulen 10)Toseland 11)Espargaro 12)DePuniet
13)Canepa 14)Talmacsi

Grupo de Gravel: Hayden/Edwards/DeAngelis

With 4 races to go, Rossi now holds a not-so-safe 30 point lead over Lorenzo. Next stop is Portugal, where Stoner is rumored to be making his return. Will he actually show?

(Pictures courtesy of www.superbikeplanet.com and www.motogp.com)

Indianapolis MotoGP

2009-09-02T19:50:00.001-07:00

Stateside again...this time at the overrated Indianapolis Motorspeedway...The Brickyard! Who's going to kiss the bricks this year? I've always wondered...when a rider crosses the 'yard of bricks', does it make a 'fart' sound similar to those rumble-bumps that lead up to stop signs on rural highways?. Grab yourself a porkchop on a stick and let's find out!

The organizers do an excellent job of organizing and promoting the race, but the track itself is a bit rinky dink...it is basically comprised of one part aircraft carrier and two parts parking lot cone zone...sprinkle in a variety of surfaces for good measure and even better crashes.

Last years' event played Tina to Hurricane Ike. Crap weather all weekend, spectators getting slapped (get it?) around by the wind, MotoGP race cut short, and the 250's were scrapped altogether...all while Yamaha's display tent made its way onto the back straight. Thrilling. This year looked to be more of the same...Friday's first practice went from wettish, to drying, to wet again, and finally, wetter. Pedrosa was fast all weekend and took pole...Lorenzo and Rossi filled out the first row of the grid. The great American hopes of Hayden and Edwards filled out the ass end of the second row. With Stoner still back in Australia battling the Kangaroo flu, or whatever, it looked like the race would be a 3-way fight amongst the front row dudes...or would it? Rossi came into this round 50 points ahead of Lorenzo in the championship. Lorenzo came into this round with a sweet Captain America replica helmet. Pedrosa came into this round on a tricycle.

Sunday came, and holy shit...it was sunny! Asparagus won the 125's, Simoncelli took the 250's, the MotoGP 'drivers' took their grid spots, our national anthem was poorly karaoke'd by Miss America, and boom goes the dynamite! As expected, lil' Dani took the lead as the field piled into turn 1 and by the time lap 1 was completed, he had gapped the field by a little over a second...followed by Rossi and Lorenzo.

Edwards was sitting back in 4th, but was being pushed from the rear by DeAngelis (#15) and his helmet. DeAngelis was really giving Edwards a hard time and went up the inside of him at turn 2, but Edwards returned the favor and retook his position. At this point, DeAngelis asserted his dominance and took the top position, between the two, for the final time. Nicky Hayden followed DeAngelis' example and also went up the inside of Edwards to take another position.

Meanwhile...things at the front remained the same until the end of the third lap, when Pedrosa lost the front of his Honda going into the tight final corner. To his credit (and the onlooker's amazement), Pedro managed to lift his bike up, remount (28 seconds behind the last place rider) and charge through to an eventual 10th place finish. Nice work, little dude.

And then there were two...with Pedro out, Lorenzo wasted no time in closing the gap on Rossi. A few laps later, Lorenzo took the lead from Rossi at the end of the aircraft carrier. Now that was Rossi sitting in 2nd, he did what he usually does and applied the pressure from behind. He followed Lorenzo around for a few laps and then REALLY applied the pressure...to the Indy tarmac with his helmet and leathers. That's right, Rossi crashed out. Bummer. He managed to get back on track, but retired a few laps later with a bent something-or-other.

With Rossi out (and his 50 championship lead about to be slashed in half), Lorenzo enjoyed roughly a 2 day lead over evryone else. What's a boy to do? Spend the last 2 laps of the race practicing his victory wheelie...which, in the end, was really fucking long. DeAngelis cruised to his first MotoGP podium in a safe 2nd place. In the closing laps, Hayden sat in third, but was under fire from Dovizioso. Spurred on by the fact that the sooner he finished the race, the sooner he could get out of his ridiculous KFC bucket-themed leathers. Hayden succeeded in holding off Dovi and took the final spot on the podium.

So, there you have it....Lorenzo is back in the title chase as the series heads to Rossi's home race at San Marino next weekend. Game on!

Race Result: 1)Lorenzo 2)DeAngelis 3)Hayden 4)Dovizioso 5)Edwards 6)Toseland 7)Capirossi 8)Kallio 9)Elias 10)Pedrosa 11)Vermeulen 12)DePuniet 13)Espargaro 15)Talmacsi

Gravelboat:Rossi/Melandri/Canepa

**Pics courtesy of superbikeplanet.com and motogp.com

T...out

MotoGP Brno

2009-08-19T19:58:00.001-07:00

Well, the Summer break is over and the all the riders (except Stoner) and their crews had to drag their asses out of the discos, off the beaches, and head to the Brno curcuit in Czechland to start the second 'half' of the MotoGP season. Coming into this round, Rossi held a 25 point championship lead over teammate/rival Jorge Lorenzo. Stoner, who decided to take some additional vacation time (more on that later), sat 37 points behind Rossi.

After crashing during qualifying, Rossi decided to set the fastest lap of the session and started the race from pole. Rossi's homie, J-Lo, was looking to beat Rossi in a head-to-head fight at Brno, and strenghten his argument that he should be the top dog in the Fiat Yamaha garage. Even if J-Lo manages to finish above Rossi, the odds of him becoming the lead rider are about as good as me emptying my dishwasher AND curing all forms of cancer in the next 45 minutes. 140,000 vowel-starved fans packed the stands at Brno. According to the MotoGP announcers, the on-site vendors started selling pints of beer at 7am, and by the start of the 250 race, had sold out. Take it from me, never underestimate the value of a flask of vodka...even if it's 'Speedway' brand vodka purchased at a truck stop 15 miles West of Indianapolis. Enough about that...here we go.

So then...under the glorious Eastern European sunshine, the lights go green, and Rossi gets the jump, but Pedrosa manages to take the lead into turn 1. Pedrosa's lead lasted roughly two corners as Rossi went up the inside to take his spot at the top of the charts. JLo sat in third behind Pedro and looked to soon dispatch his pint-sized BFF.

...and then on lap 394, Buddy Lee Gordon's Tidemobile made contact with Shooter McBain's Farm and Country-sponsored Oldsmobuick sending them both ass-over-tit into the wall, which brought out the red flag. As the cars lined up behind the pacecar, the safety truck, a tractor, and the National Guard were brought out to help remove a piece of tire that was leftover from the incident... Crap! Who changed the channel!?

Sorry about that. We now return to our regularly-scheduled crap...20 laps to go, and not a lot has changed. On the star-spangled front, Edwards (P6) and Hayden (P7) are slowly making time on the lead group. Nice work. A few laps later, JLo helps himself past Pedrosa into second place and sets sail for Rossi at the front. JLo began to close the gap on Rossi. Rossi, in all his Rossiness, let JLo pester him for a bit before opening the door letting JLo past him...hook, line, and sinker.

8 to go, not much has changed. Rossi and JLo continue to trade the fasted laps of the race. In other news...Toni 'contract time' Elias and Andrea 'the other Repsol rider' Dovizioso continued to take pot-shots at each other for the last podium spot. While Dovi looked much smoother, Elias looked a lot more bonkers/determined/contractless/fun to watch/ape/sideways/whatever...take your pick. Elias ended up on the box. Oonga boonga.

Back up front, JLo looked quick, but you could tell Rossi was biding his time and applying the pressure. 5 laps to go, and the ghosts of Biaggi and Gibbers reemerge in the form of JLo chucking his Yamaha into the scenery. Game, set, match...Rossi's gone and showboating for the win. Pedro came home in a solitary second followed by 'Contract Time' in third.

Result:

1)Rossi - Yamaha

2)Pedrosa - Honda

3)Elias - Honda

4)Dovizioso - Honda

5)Capirossi - Suzuki

6)Hayden - Ducati

7)Edwards - Yamaha

8)DeAngelis - Honda

9)Toseland - Yamaha

10)DePuniet - Bunny Bike

11)Vermeulen - Suzuki

12)Canepa - Ducati

13)Talmcsi - Honda

Gravelboat:

Kallio (in for Stoner)

Melandri

Lorenzo

Fabrizio (in for Kallio)

Dude, where's my Stoner? Good question. His plan is to sit out the next three rounds (including Brno) to give him time time to diagnose/treat his mystery illness. Insiders say he's lost his will to compete at the top level and that he may be done...I hope not. In the meantime, Ducati has offered Lorenzo 7 million dollars/Euros/whatever for his services next season. Fairly interesting, considering they want to hang on to Hayden. Hmmm...

Next stop...Indianapolis Motorspeedway here in the U.S. of A. If you're heading downtown for the festivities, don't speed down Meridian St.

T...out.

MotoGP Donington

2009-07-28T20:33:00.001-07:00

You don't turd on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and you don't mess around with thinking there will be a completely dry motorcycle race at Donington Park...ever.

This is the last time a MotoGP race will be held at Donington. Starting next year, the British round of MotoGP will be held at Silverstone, leaving Donington to host Formula 1 and several different 'Monsters of Rock' festivals. Rad.

Rossi started from pole and want to sign off with a win at the final Donington race because 'This track 'av many many goodah memories anda I make many the great battle in this track, for sure.' Pedrosa and Georgey Lorenzo rounded out the front row of the grid. On the star-spangled tip; Edwards started from 6th and Haystack down in 15th.

At the start of the race, the track was mostly dry, with little bits of rain here and there. Everyone (except Hayden and Stoner...more on that later.) started on slick tires. If the conditions go to shit, they can always come in and switch to a 'wet' bike, right? Right.

Game on...Rossi gets the holeshot, but Lorenzo and Elias get around him in the second corner to take the top two spots. Elias around Rossi and up to 2nd? Must be contract time. The very next corner, Elias pushes the issue and goes straight past Lorenzo to take the lead. Sign here, Mr. Elias. 28 laps to go and Repsol new boy Dovizioso hits the front while his teammate, Pedrosa, was also making steady progress...backwards. Two laps later, Lorenzo takes Dovi at the end of the front straight for the lead. Where's Rossi? Back in 4th. A few laps and passes later, we have Lorenzo up front (by quite a bit), followed by Rossi, Dovi, and Pedro. The two factory Ducatis of Hayden and Stoner were still farting around at the back of the pack on their wet tires.

23 to go, and Elias had just gotten past Pedro when he highsided his Honda and set sail on the failboat. Toot toot. meanwhile, Rossi and Dovi were closing up on Lorenzo. Could Georgey stand the pressure? Nope...he touched the paint with his front tire and had a little tipover going into the final corner corner. It looked fairly harmless, but enough sponsors' stickers were scraped from the body work of his Yamaha that he was not allowed to rejoin the race.

So now we have Rossi up front, followed closely by Dovi. I'm not sure what's going behind them, because they won't show it. Cut to an onboard shot of Rossi's rear tire...it looks like it has Leprosy. Not that big of a deal (spoiler alert!) since he won't be in the race much longer. While that's going on (or off), DePuniet comes from nowhere to take his boobie-sponsored Honda past Pedro into 3rd. Tits-ahoy!

17 to go...former MotoGP world champions KC Stoner and Nicky Hayden are being lapped by the leaders. Apparently their wet tire gamble didn't pay off. Look soon for an ad at www.craigslist.it for a new Ducati weather technician.

Rossi is still up front, but is looking a little ragged. Dovi is looking smooth in second. Everyone else is miles behind...for now.

11 to go...I had nodded off when all of a sudden 'ROSSI'S DOWN!! GOOD GOLLY ROSSI'S DOWN!! THE CHAMPIONSHIP HAS BEEN BLOWN WIDE OPEN!!' My MotoGP announcer alarm clock never fails. That's right...Wonderboy went down in the Fogarty Esses. He managed to get on track and finish 5th. Somehow, he crashed, but still managed to increase his lead in the championship standings. Imagine that.

With Rossi out, Dovi was 10 seconds in front and looking to pop his MotoGP victory cherry. What about the rest? Edwards made his way up to 3rd and was closing on De Puniet, who was also closing on Dovi. Would the Bunny bike take the win? Would Edwards finally, after 3493 tries, win a MotoGP race? Nope and nope. Dovi held on for his maiden win with Edwards and De Puniet in tow. Nice work, kid.

Even with his crash, Rossi extended his lead at the top to 181 points, followed by Lorenzo with 162, and Stoner with 149. Still very close with 7 races to go.

Result:
1) Dovizioso
2) Edwards
3) De Puniet
4) De Angelis
5) Rossi
6) Toseland
7) Melandri
8) Canepa
9) Ponderosa
10) Kallio
11) Capirossi
12) Talmacsi
13) Vermeulen
14) Stoner
15) Hayden

Failboat; Elias and Lorenzo...slim crowd considering the conditions.

Next stop...Brno in the Czech Republic.

One bottle of vodka was harmed in the makming (see)of this post.

T...out.

The German-engineered Moto GP der Doucheland.

2009-07-21T21:48:00.001-07:00

So here we are, half way through the 2009 MotoGP season, at the Sachenring Curcuit for round der nuente...Achtung!

As it has a habit of doing, qualifying came and went. Homeboy Hayden started from a season-best 4th. The front row consisted of Stoner in 3rd, Spaceman Lorenzo, and Rossi on pole. Rossi's fast lap during the wettish qualifying session was absolutely bananas!

The big hubbub leading up to this race was that Yamaha's Lorenzo has been in talks with Repsol Honda. Apparently he wants to be the 'number 1' rider on a factory team. Considering his current teammate is one V. Rossi, I don't see Lorenzo becoming the top dude @ Yamaha unless he can beat Rossi on a regular basis and win the title. My crystal ball says 'nope'.

Enough about that...the riders grid up, the vendors sell their last Bratkartoffeln, the lights go out, and the blitzkrieg is on. Rossi slots in at the top of charts, followed by Dani Ponderosa, De Puniet, and Stonah. Lorenzo got a crap start and was stuck behind De Angelis' pride flag in 6th. Hayden? He got a good start, and looked really good for the first 30 yards, or so, until he got shoved out wide by...well...pretty much everyone. Once he got his shit together, he found himself in around 9th. Tough break, kid. Playboy Du Puniet was the first to hit the deck courtesy of a second-rate highside. Hasta next weeko, Randy. Looking back to Hayden, he was clearly pissed about his his start and his riding was showing it...he went around the outside of Kallio and Capirossi coming out of the ridiculously fast downhill right-hander. Balls.

25 to go...Stoner barges past both Ponderosa and that Rossi dude to take the lead. So now it's Stoner, Rossi, Ponderosa, and Lorenzo all bunched up at the front. Game on. It's obvious that Lorenzo has his eyes on the big piece of chicken as he murders Ponderosa on the brakes at the bottom of the hill to take 3rd place.

Fast forward a few laps...Rossi get past Stoner for the lead , while Lorenzo and Ponderosa move up into 2nd and 3rd. Lorenzo is now right on the ass end of the big piece of chicken and has his knife and fork set to 'stun'. With 5 to go, Lorenzo finally pulls the trigger and outbrakes Rossi and the end of the front straight to take the lead. 2 to go, and Rossi returns the favor at the same spot. Last lap, and Rossi is still at the front...just barely. Lorenzo looked like he might have something for Rossi at the last corner, but no dice. Rossi takes the big piece of chicken by 99/1000 of a second (seriously) over Lorenzo and his side of slaw. Ponderosa cruised home in 3rd to collect a wet-nap and a small (big to him) 7up

Result:

1) Rossi - YaMAka

2) Lorenzo - Yamaha

3) Pedrosa - Honda

4) Stoner - Ducati

5) De Angelis - Honda

6) Elias - Honda

7) Melandri - Hayate

8) Hayden - Ducati

9) Edwards - Yamaha

10) Toseland - Yamaha

11) Capirossi - Suzuki

12) Canepa - Ducati

13) Vermeulen - Suzuki

14) Kallio - Ducati

15) Talmacsi - Honda

Failboat;

De Puniet

Dovizioso

Next stop...Donington Park in the G.B...bring a raincoat.

T...out.

!Fish and Destroy!

2009-07-15T00:05:00.000-07:00

Fishing is not a crime...as long as you have a license. What better way to spend a humid Iowa evening than with a pack of smokes, a couple of quarts of crap beer, and a dozen nightcrawlers.

Here's Red's homemade Y2K9 compliant fishing hat complete with cig, lighter, and fishing license holders...as well as extra hooks and sinkers, in case those beasts at Gray's Lake decide to up their game...all fashioned from one of my old dress shirts and some janky old Gilligan hat.

The Smugglers

2009-07-14T23:53:00.000-07:00

Iowa City...a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. Other than seeing these guys and Rocket From The Crypt @ Gabes as well as all the killer Indian restaurants, these were pretty much the the only things that made my 1.5 years going to school there worth a shit.

MotoGP Laguna Seca

2009-07-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

I can't think of a better way to celebrate our nation's birthday (other than getting drunk and blowing shit up) than a MotoGP race right here in America...Fuck Yeah! OK...maybe a World Superbike race might have been better.

Qualifyng was actually where all the real action went down. Stoner, Rossi, and Lorenzo took turns at the top throughout the session. With about 10 minutes to go, Lorenzo lowsided his Yamaha in turn 10, caught a scooter ride back to get his 2nd bike, and put in a lap that blew everyone into weeds. His following lap was even a touch quicker until he launched himself into orbit courtesy of another one of his epic highsides. Basically, he set the fastest lap, destroyed two bikes, dislocated his shoulder, and broke his foot all in the span of less than 10 minutes. Multitasking at it's finest. Moments later, Stoner (not wanting to be one-upped by Lorenzo)also highsided his Ducati in turn 3. On a scale of 1 to 10, Stoner's crash was about a 6 and Lorenzo's an 11. As the session expired, Rossi put in his fastest lap, but still ended up 2nd on the grid to Spaceman Lorenzo. Stoner started from 3rd. Homeboy Hayden put in a decent effort to start from 8th

So...the riders took their grid positions, our national anthem was butchered, the military jets flew over, and then it was game on. From 4th on the grid, all 75lbs of Dani Pedrosa went straight to the front followed by Stoner and Rossi. Dovizioso was in 4th and Elias in 5th. Spaceman Lorenzo got knocked back to 6th with Hayden a ways behind him in 7th. First time through the Corkscrew, and Rossi goes past Stoner pretty much the same way he did last year...minus the motocrossing. At the end of the first lap, Lorenzo took Elias for 5th. A lap later, Stoner went past Dovizioso and Rossi to take 2nd. Meanwhile, Little Pedro was slowly opening up a gap at the front. Sometimes I think they put things like 'scary monster chasing you' on his pit board, instead of laptimes, to spur him on. It seemed to be working.

Talmacsi was the first to go as he crashed out of last place...gifting a spot to no one. Capirossi was the next to go. Bye Loris. Toseland was awarded a ride-through penalty for making too good of a start. He ignored the penalty and was DQ'd. See you in BSB next year, James. Dovizioso was looking good in 4th until he jumped on the bandwagon and crashed out. I can't remember when Gibernau crashed, but he got more TV time than he would have gotten running back in something-teenth place. There...all crashes squeezed into one paragraph. Let's move on.

Pedro is still at the front followed by Stoner, Rossi, and Spaceman. Hayden caught up Elias and would soon put his Star Spangled Ducati up into 5th. Earl's boy done good. Stoner was looking solid in 2nd, but then remembered he was ill, and soon fell victim to both Fiat Yamahas. 5 laps to go, and Spaceman closed up on Rossi and was looking to get past. Into the last corner, Spaceman tried to put some sort of braking/stoppie/front wheel slide/jiggle/rear wheel slide/thingy on Rossi. Somehow, Spaceman didn't bowling ball Rossi and stayed on two wheels to finish in 3rd...hard as nails, considering his qualifying crash fest. Up front, Pedro got a little too comfortable with is gap. On the last corner of the last lap, Rossi showed Pedro a wheel and looked like he might get him on the brakes for the 1834th time. Rossi wasn't quite close enough, and had to settle for second. Stoner rolled home in 4th. Considering how shitty his first year on the Ducati has been, Hayden's 5th was some good stuff. So there it was...let's see what happens (and how much it rains) when we head back to Indianapolis in August.

Race Result:

1) Pedrosa - Repsol Honda

2) Rossi - Fiat Yamaha

3) Lorenzo - Fiat Yamaha

4) Stoner - Marlboro Ducati

5) Hayden - Marlboro Ducati

6) Elias - Gresini Honda

7) Edwards - Tech 3 Yamaha

8) Vermeulen - Rizla Suzuki

9) De Puniet - LCR Honda

10) Melandri - Hayate Racing

11) De Angelis - Gresini Honda

12) Canepa - Pramac Ducati

Failboat:

Talmacsi - Scot Honda

Capirossi - Rizla Suzuki

Dovizioso - Repsol Honda

Gibernau - Grupo Francisco Hernando Ducati

Toseland - Tech 3 Yamaha

Next stop...The Sausagering in Germany.

T...out.

She Watch Channel Zero

2009-07-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

Red brought home two small Channel (see what I did there) Catfish from her fishing excursion. She decided they were too small and cute to make into nuggets. So...in a move that would have most aquarium nerds crapping their pants, we put them (the fish, not the aqua-nerds) in our big tank with the Oscars. So far, so good. Griff and Flav seem to get along with everyone. Ironic, considering the Oscars are white. Yeah Boyeeee!

White devil keepin''em down.

World Superbike - Donington Park

2009-06-30T20:36:00.000-07:00

Fresh off of last weekend's round @ Misano where he clawed back a whole 5 points on Haga's championship lead, Spies rolled into Old Blighty still 48 points down. Qualifying saw Spies on pole (imagine that) followed Biaggi, Byrne, and Nakano. Spies' only real concern in the world, Haga, started from the middle of the second row in 6th spot. Will it rain? Who cares....I am perfectly aware that I can get some sweet financing on a Yamaha ATV and, no, I don't want to tune in Tuesday for NASCAR Cribs, so start the fucking race, already!

Race 1...Spies gets the holeshot into turn 1 followed by Biaggi and Haga. To be honest, there really wasn't too much to this race. Spies and Biaggi put a gap on Haga. Biaggi managed to stay with Spies most of the race...I'm pretty sure that was due to Spies going just fast enough to keep Biaggi behind him, but still in front of Haga. Smart ride. Further back, the Aggro-American John Hopkins did good in his first post-injury race to make his way up to 8th from 11th on the grid. Spies took the top step of the podium with his buffer-buddy Biaggi in 2nd. Haga cruised to a safe 3rd.

Spies

Biaggi

Haga

Race 2...Second race, same as the first (kind of). Biaggi gets the lead into turn 1 in front of Spies. Spies was just funnin', though and went past Biaggi intot he following corner. Biaggi's teammate, Nakano, wasted no time in running his rickshaw into the gravel and out of the race. Bummer. Not wanting to be left out, Biaggi did the same, but managed to get back on track...and get sideswiped by a passing rider in the process. Haga was the next to hit the deck, and he did it in spectacular style via a fast, but goofy-looking highside. Originally it was thought that he had cracked a vertebrae and broke his wrist. Turns out the vertebrae was an old injury, and he had his wrist plated-up. He should be back at the next round in Brno in about a month. In true Groundhog Day style, Spies would scurry off to take his second win of the weekend. With Haga out, it was up to his teammate, Fabrizio, to uphold the honor of Bologna. Fabri did his best, but the ever-flaptastic Haslam was clearly in a bigger hurry to get back to his motorhome (Google: Olivia Stringer) and forced Fabrizio to settle for 3rd. AMA stand-in, Blake Young, put in a good ride to finish in 15th. Fairly impressive considering that he was just on vacation with Kevin Scwantz when he got the call to duty.

Spies

Haslam and Fabrizio

Spies now sits just 14 points behind Haga with 5 rounds (14 races) to go. Velly intellesting. Next stop...Brno.

Race 1

1) Spies - Yamaha

2) Biaggi - Aprilia

3) Haga - Ducati

Race 2

1) Spies - Yamaha

2) Haslam - Honda

3) Fabrizio - Ducati

Even in Europe, water bottles are the preferred vodka-smuggling conainers.

T...out.

Sunday

2009-06-28T23:14:00.000-07:00

Jeremy and I hooked up to go motorsickle riding...our plan was to make our way to Waukee to visit Miller's grave. Three gravel roads and one exploded fork seal later, we made it. The roads in Dallas county are very...um...not curvy.

By far, the coolest gravestone in the yard.

We had a memorial sidewalk tile placed on the sidewalk near the Corkscrew at Laguna Seca Raceway in Monterey, California. This is a replica of said tile.

The etching on gravestone is from an actual picture of Miller. I think it was taken at Eddyville Raceway.

MotoGP Assen

2009-06-28T20:37:00.000-07:00

So...the MotoGP posse rolled into Assen with Rossi, Stoner, and Lorenzo all tied at the top of the championship with 106 points each. Whatever happens, we'll have a new championship leader in 26 laps...assuming all three riders don't crash out, or whatever.

Lights out and Pedrosa hit the front into turn 1 followed by Rossi and Stoner. Lorenzo got a crap start from second on the grid and spent the first few corners back in around 6th. Stoner picked off Rossi and Pedrosa at the and of the back straight to move to the front. A few corners later, Stoner runs really fucking wide and lets Rossi through to the front. 1 lap...3 different leaders...sweet. Meanwhile, Lorenzo got his shit together and latched on to the back of the leading 3 riders. Vermeulen was having a good ride 'up' in 5th position...must be contract time. The real party was the battle for 6th spot. Homeslice Hayden lead the group, and for once, was looking comfortable. Ducati must've finally dropped that extra 20-spot for new handgrips. Maybe a carbon-look yoke cover might put him in the top 5...someone get Lockhart Phillips on the line.

A few laps later, Lorenzo moves past Pedrobot into 3rd spot. Pedro tries to get the spot back, but can't hang with Lorenzo's pace and tosses his Honda into the grass. Cut to shot of a rather disappointed Puig...Gold! Two corners later, Lorenzo kills Stoner on the brakes and moves into the first loser spot. Where's Rossi? About 1/2 hour in front of Lorenzo. The top 3 would remain the same to the end.

While the top 3 toodled around, the 'battle for 6th spot' party was still a raging kegger. Toseland, Kallio, Hayden, De Puniet, De Angelis, Capirossi, and Melandri (sort of)all took turns at the front of this group. Kallio looked to be the Fin to beat until slid off in the last long left-hander and ground his pinky off in the process. Toseland got the better of the group followed by De Puniet and Hayden. Edwards and Vermeulen took a lonely 4th and 5th respectively.

So...Rossi won his 100th GP and, of course, had to celebrate. On the cool down lap, his fanboys brought out a giant poster-thingy which pictured all 99 of his previous victories. I was hoping for something more along the lines of Rossi doing 100 push-ups, doing 100 shots of whiskey, or just giving everyone in the crowd 100 Euros.

Race Result:

1) Rossi - Yamaha

2) Lorenzo - Yamaha

3) Stoner - Ducati

4) Edwards - Yamaha

5) Vermeulen - Suzuki

6) Toseland - Yamaha

7) De Puniet - Honda

8) Hayden - Ducati

9) Capirossi - Suzuki

10) De Angelis - Honda

11) Melandri - Hayasaki

12) Elias - Honda

13) Gibernau - Ducati

14) Canepa - Ducati

15) Takahashi - Honda

16) Talmacsi - Honda

Fail Boat

Pedrosa - Honda

Dovizioso - Honda

Kallio - Ducati

Next weekend...Laguna Seca.

T...out.

Qualifying - Moto GP @ Assen

2009-06-26T16:20:00.001-07:00

Valentino Rossi will start the Assen MotoGP race from pole position. If Rossi managed to convert pole to win, it will be his 100th GP win. Not too shabby. More importantly; Rossi, Lorenzo, and Stoner are tied at the top of the championship with 106 points each going into this race. Don't forget...the race actually happens Saturday (tomorrow), but won't be broadcast here in the states until Sunday. I won't post any race results until then.Scroll down for a handy-dandy television schedule.

Qualifying Results

1) Rossi-Yamaha

2) Pedrosa-Honda

3) Lorenzo-Yamaha

4) Stoner-Ducati

5) Edwards-Yamaha

6) Capirossi-Suzuki

7) Vermeulen-Suzuki

8) Dovizioso-Honda

9) Toseland-Yamaha

10) De Puniet-Honda

11) De Angelis-Honda

12) Kallio-Ducati

13) Hayden-Ducati

14) Melandri-Hayate

15) Elias-Honda

16) Gibernau-Ducati

17) Canepa-Ducati

18) Takahashi-Honda

19) Talmasci-Honda

-->TV Party This Sunday!<--

2pm CST World SBK Race 1 Donington Park

3pm CST World SBK Race 2 Donington Park

4pm CST 250GP Assen

5pm CST MotoGP Assen

World Superbike Misano (that's in Italy, ya know.)

2009-06-23T17:55:00.000-07:00

Seeing as the MotoGP posse had the weekend off, God took the opportunity to divert his 'piss down' attentions to the World Superbike races @ Misano. Qualifying came and went, with Jakob 'vowels are for the weak' Smrz landing his Dcti on pole, followed by Rea, Speez, and Fabrizio. Up to this point, Ben Spies has started from pole at every round. Even with Spies' double win last time out here in the U.S. of A., Haga still holds a 48 point lead over Spies in the championship. Will Spies close the points-gap on Haga? Will Smrz parlay his pole into a win or two? Will AMA homeslice Jamie Hacking crack the top ten? Will I actually be able to post this using my poop-slow antique laptop? Stay tuned...

Race 1 was declared a 'wet race'. Britain's Shakey Byrne took his milk-sponsored Ducati into the lead into turn 1. At one point, Bryne had a 15 second lead over Xaus in 2nd and (gasp!)Hacking in 3rd. About 12 laps into the 24 lap race (a.k.a. half way), the track started to dry, and bike-swaps ensued. Spies was one of the first to switch which allowed him a few laps to get his slicks up to temp. By the time the rest of the field (except Hacking*) had switched to dry tires, Spies was already up to a dry race pace. Watching him blitz everyone and take an 8 second win was actually pretty comical. Byrne brought his private Duck home in 2nd followed by the factory Duck of Fabrizio (who just held of Mr. No-vowels)in third.

*Hacking's team put in the time, money, and effort to prepare a bike and get him across the pond to ride it, but failed inform him of the 'wet race' tire rules. Oops.

Race 1 1) Spies 2) Bryne 3) Fabrizio

Rossi was in the house...bored with MotoGP?

Race 2...Dry race. Off the line, Fabrizio gets the jump followed by Britain's Johnny Rea (Ten Kate Honda) and some dude named Haga. Spies settled in behind Haga in 4th...for the time being. About 2 laps in, it was obvious that all was not well in the land of Spies. After being easily passed by 4 or 5 riders, threw up the S.O.S. hand. After a few laps of cruising around, Spies seemed to be back up to speed and picking off riders left and right. It turns out his clutch was fried.

Said Spies; “The clutch was just fried. I couldn't accelerate at all. It was slipping so bad I just had to baby it out of the turns. Then I adjusted the hell out of it for several laps, trying anything to make it work. It was difficult trying to race and work on the bike at the same time. At one point I came up on Nakano and Kagayama and I couldn't get around them because the clutch kept slipping on me every time I came out of a corner. I tried to change my riding style by going in late on the brakes, but it was useless. After the clutch finally came in I was able to turn in some good laps. I think I turned my best lap with two or three to go. I just wish it [the clutch] would have come in earlier. I know I could have done a lot better.”

The race up front was pretty much a 3-way battle between Fabrizio, Rea, and Haga. With Fabrizio and Rea beating the shit out each other for the win and Spies struggling to for a top ten position, Haga chose to play it cool safe and bring it home in a safe 3rd place. Rea put a rather bold inside move on Fabrizio, and was just able to hang on for his first World Superbike win. Poleman Smrz again took 4th. He'll be on a factory bike next year. Spies managed to clutch it home in 9th spot. As for Hacking...21st. He'll get one more chance at Donington.

Race 2 1) Rea 2) Fabrizio 3) Haga

Even with his trainwreck race 2, Spies managed to take 5 points out of Haga's championship lead. Fabrizio's 2 podiums keep him in contention in 3rd overall.

Top ten points after 8 of 14 rounds

1) Haga 292

2) Spies 244

3) Fabrizio 237

4) Rea 167

5) Biaggi 135

6) Haslam 134

7) Sykes 130

8) Checa 109

9) Smrz 108

10)Kiyonari 98

Next weekend, it's off to Donington Park in dreary old Great Britain. All of the usual suspects will be there. In addition, AMA Superbike rookie, Blake Young, has been drafted in for the injured Max Newkerschner on the Alstare Suzuki. Young and Hacking will duke it out for the honor of '2nd best American'.

T...out

MotoGP Cat-uh-loon-ya

2009-06-16T00:09:00.000-07:00

'Holy shit!' ...I must've said this more than a dozen times during the last 3 laps of this race. The 90,000 fans that packed the Barcelona circuit definitely got their Euros-worth as Rossi and Spanish homeboy Jorge Lorenzo, more or less, beat the shit out of each other with Rossi crossing the line 9/100 of a second in front of Lorenzo. With this win, Rossi took his 99th MotoGP win over the number 99 of Lorenzo...did I hear a 'niner' in there?

As far as the actual race...Polesitter Lorenzo got the holeshot followed by Rossi, Stoner, and everyone else. For the first few laps, everyone held station, with the exception of Takahashi, who fired his Honda into an airfence on the first lap. While all this was going, little Jorge managed to open a small gap over Rossi and company.

At this point I think it's going to be another boring race and check to see if 'House' is on. Nope. Back to the race.

Stoner looked to be on the same pace as the leaders for the first half of the race, but eventually dropped off and barely held off Dovisioso for the final podium spot. Stoner had been struggling with the flu all weekend, and you could tell by the way he wobbled up to the podium, that this race really kicked his ass.

22 laps to go...Rossi draws first blood by killing Lorenzo on the brakes taking the lead at the end of the start/finish. Point: Rossi

16 laps to go...Apparently, the last time someone made a last-lap pass for the win in MotoGP was back 2006 in @ Portugal. Spaniard Tony Elias was man who stuffed Rossi for this honor. Here in 2009, Elias also took the honor of being the only rider to crash out (with 22 laps to go) of the Catalan GP race. Nice work, amigo. Donned in their 'throwback' orange jumpsuits, Slipknot ran out(Sid changed his number from '0' to 'Medic') and helped Elias up a step stool and onto his bike. He putted back to his pitbox, yelled at his girlfriend, and took a nap.

13 laps to go...Same as it ever was.

12 laps to go...Lorenzo repays the favor on the brakes and attempts to break away. Point: Lorenzo

3 laps to go...After following Lorenzo around for the last few laps, Rossi decides it's time to go, and, once again, kills Lorenzo on the brakes at the end of the start/finish straight to take the lead. Point: Rossi

2 laps to go...Lorenzo gets the drive out of the final corner and drafts past Rossi...only to have Rossi out-brake him and go around the outside into turn 1 for the lead. Balls.

Rast rap...Lorenzo take rossi on the brakes to lead into the final lap. Lorenzo hangs on to the lead for most of the last lap. Thay's all fine and dandy until Rossi completely stuffs him at the last corner to take the win. Game, Set, Match: Rossi.

Stateside...Colin Edwards finished in his usual 'somewhere between 5th and 10th' with a solid 7th. Homeboy Hayden finally cracked the top ten on his Duck. According to Hayden, the Duck keepers changed 'everything but the handle grips' to better suit him. Just think how much farther up the order he would have finished if only they'd dropped that extra 20-spot on new grips.

Race Result:
1) Rossi Yamaha
2) Lorenzo Yamaha
3) Stoner Ducati
4) Dovisioso Honda
5) Capirossi Suzuki
6) Pedrosa Honda
7) Edwards Yamaha
8) De Puniet Honda
9) Kallio Ducati
10) Hayden Ducati
11) Vermeulen Suzuki
12) De Angelis Honda
12) Toseland Yamaha
14) Melandri Hayate
15) Gibernau Ducati
16) Canepa Ducati
17) Talmasci Honda

Failboat:

Takahashi Honda
Elias Honda

Next stop...Assen.

T...out

The most famouserest Deathstar

2009-06-14T23:35:00.000-07:00

My main man, Mr. Matt (clear like the crystal) Moore swung by to watch the NBA finals this evening. Eventually, he bailed to endure some Ohio-induced bachelorism. This left the ever-hot Red Dawn and myself to watch SpeedTV's tape-delayed coverage of the race we attended last weekend up thar in Elkhart Lake, Wisconsin.

Anywho...Red spotted the Deathstar on the TV, so I figured I'd share.

Take a gander...

The Chezpicks

2009-06-14T01:43:00.000-07:00

Gearing up for getting down.

Suspect Beaver.

G.T.'s enthusiasm knows no bounds.

Blah

Blah Blah

Blah Blah Blah

Blah Blah Blah Blah

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Due credit to these ladies and their respective milkshakes...the fellas were, in fact, in the yard.

R.I.P. Nina Bean

2009-06-10T11:56:00.000-07:00

Our furry little homegirl, Nina, expired yesterday morning. Nina is survived by the people that filled her food bowl on a daily basis. Nina's interests included eating Fritos and chewing on electrical cords. In addition, Nina was also a very accomplished pooper...she could produce a small pile of 'Coco Puffs' on a moment's notice. Impressive. Services were held in the back yard, and Camel Menthols are being accepted in lieu of flowers.

For sale: Rabbit cage...

Sudanese Smoking Team

2009-06-01T00:59:00.000-07:00

So then...the other day as I was leaving for work, I noticed a trio of Sudanese boys/men casually strolling down our street pulling drags off of cigarettes...no biggie. A few days later, as I was getting ready to head out on a bike ride, I see, what seems to be to be, the same trio, rolling up my street in a minivan. They park at the end of the block (I use the term 'park' loosely, because they did a crap job of it), step out, light up, and stroll down the block, puffin' away.

Being the neighborhood watchdog I am, I bide my time, and...erm...watch. They walk around the corner, cop a squat on some railroad ties, and puff their brains out. However, they smoke with a certain rigidness...somewhere along the lines of 'oh shit...if my grandmomma sees me smoking, she'll beat me with a yardstick.' They look so 'hard', yet scared to death. I have seen these guys stroll/smoking up and down my street no less than 10 times in the last month. It's funny...just thought I'd share.

Utah World Superbike...pack a wife or three.

2009-06-01T00:43:00.000-07:00

Whether it be race-wins or wives, Utah is the land of the 'multiple'. Welcome to Miller Motorsports Park in scenic Tooele, Utah.

Haga came into this round with an 80ish point lead over WSBK rookie Ben's Pies. Haga's comfy championship lead is partially due to the fact that The Ben has had some bad luck lately, including a broken gear changer and running out of fuel...both of which cost him wins. Bummer, dude. Spies made it known that, in Utah, anything less than pole position and a double-win just wouldn't make the scene. Spies went ahead and took pole...again. Spies has scored the pole at every round, so far, this year...breaking Doug Polen's previous record of 6 consecutive poles set back in 1990-something or other. The AMA's own Jamie Hacking was filling in for the rarely-uninjured Makoto Tamada on the Paul Bird Kawasaki. Hacker did good to put the green Kwak up in 7th on the starting grid...by far Kawasaki's best qualifying effort in recent memory. Zemke was also there on the Stiggy Honda qualifying somewhere down in 20-something land. Points leader Haga pretty much has a hate/hate relationship with Miller Motorsports Park. Last year, lobbed it in race 1 and broke his collarbone in the process. This year, he highsided himself into the mountains during practice, but still managed to make the 9th on the grid.

Race 1...lights out and Spies immediately hit the front as the whole crew railed into turn one. Haga Bonzai'd his way up to third from 9th on the grid. Hacking was also moving forward as he put some rather impressive moves on the WSBK regulars. Hacking made his way up to 4th before the...that's right...red flag. Aussie Karl Muggeridge had a little 'oopsie' which left him and his bike stranded on the racing line. OK..restart. Spies, again, hits the front and sets sail for the top step of the podium. Carlos Checa, last year's double race winner, brought his Honda home in the first loser's spot. Ducati's Fabrizio rounded out the podium on his...err...Ducati. AMA homeboy Jamie Hacking wrapped things up in 7th spot...not too shabby. Word on the street is that he is actively seeking a fulltime WSBK ride. I'm sure the Euro-Kawasaki squad would welcome him, his hot wife, and bulldogs with open arms.

Race 2...SpeedTV's resident should-be NFL commentator, Ralph Sheheen informed me that when the lights go out, that I should 'Watch out! these guys will be really going for it!'. Thanks, Ralph. I was truly worried that the WSBK boys might just hang out on the grid, play quarters, and make fart jokes. Apparently, Spies doesn't know any fart jokes, because he opted to get the holeshot, lead every lap, set lap record after lap record, and win the race. That is pretty much the jist of race 2. As the race went on, Checa crashed out of 2nd place (par for the course), and Fabrizio was the only rider able to keep Ben and his Pies within spitting distance. At one point, Fabrizio got within 1.5 seconds of Spies. In return, Spies utilized the 6th gear on his 'R' series Yamaha and finished the race with a gap of 9+ seconds. The two British riders Johnny Rea and the ever-flaptastic Leon Haslam went back and forth for the final spot on the podium. Haslam chucked his Honda into the dirt, and Rea went on to spray Champagne. Haga lost points ti Spies, but is still 53 points ahead with 7 rounds (14 races) to go.

Result:

Race 1

1) Ben Spies-Yamaha

2) Carlos Checa-Honda

3) Michel Fabrizio-Ducati

Race 2

1) Ben Spies-Yamaha

2) Michel Fabrizio-Ducati

3) Johnny Rea-Honda

Next stop...San Marino.

T...out.

MotoGP @ Moo-Jello

2009-06-01T00:33:00.000-07:00

The proof's in the pudding...God hates MotoGP. Once again, at Mugello, The Lord's tinkle made for another 'wet race'. In MotoGP land, if a race is declared 'wet', the race will be run 'flag-to-flag'...the riders have the option of coming in to change bikes (the second bike must be on different tires) depending on track conditions. In this case, the race started on a damp track that was quickly drying.

So then, on the warm-up lap, Spanish pole-sitter (that never gets old) Lorenzo managed to toss his Yamaha into the soggy gravel. He remounted, pitted, grabbed his spare bike, and took his position on the grid. Cut to the TV shot of one of Lorenzo's mechanics toweling the mud and gravel off of his bum...only in Italy (and the rest of Europe, I suppose).

Anyway...lights out...Lorenzo's start was even crappier than his warm-up lap. Pedrosa got the holeshot from 8th on the grid, followed by Vermeulen and Dovizioso. Rossi, who has won the last 8 races at Moo-Jello, was a ways back in 4th followed by Melandri on the Dorna-sponsored Hayasaki. Homeboy Rossi and Melandri made their way to front, with Melandri actually leading a few laps...meanwhile, Kawasaki introduces a 'totally extreme' new water scooter.

Lap 10, and bike changes ensue...Toseland is the first in and out on slick tires. Melandri, Rossi, Stoner, and Dovi soon followed. After all the hubbub of bike changes, normal service resumed with Dovi at the front followed by Stoner. Stoner went forward, Dovi went backwards, and the Lorenzo/Rossi Yama-train came through. Stoner held on for the win, which caused the Eyetalian fans to go into a frenzy of hugging and cheek kissing. Whether it's a bike, rider, or a loaf of Focaccia bread...as long as it's Italian and crosses the finish line first, The I.T.'s will go bananas. Stoner's win put him back at the top of the championship, followed by Lorenzo, Rossi, and everyone else.

Other stuff...Nicky Hayden rocketed to a 12th place finish...will the Kentucky Kid ever catch a break? On the Duc...methinks not. Pedrosa tipped over on lap 13 and re-re-re injured his little leg bone or something.

Result:

1. Casey Stoner-Ducati

2. Jorge Lorenzo-Yamaha

3. Valentino Rossi-Yamaha

4. Andrea Dovizioso-Honda

5. Loris Capirossi-Suzuki

6. Colin Edwards-Yamaha

7. James Toseland-Yamama

8. Randy de Puniet-Honda

9. Niccolo Canepa-Ducati

10. Chris Vermeulen-Suzuki

11. Marco Melandri-Hayate

12. Nicky Hayden-Ducati

13. Mika Kallio-Ducati

14. Toni Elias-Honda

15. Alex de Angelis-Honda

Fail:

Dani Pedrosa-Honda

Yuki Takahashi-Same as Pedrosa

Next stop...Spain (again). T...out.

Miguel of the Sizzles.

2009-05-24T02:43:00.000-07:00

Happy 'fizzle-free' 40th!

New Ride

2009-05-24T02:24:00.000-07:00

2009 Diamondback Insight 2...I didn't realize my 'hood was so hilly.

Proper.

2009-05-21T04:19:00.000-07:00

I know this is a repost, but in the world of live rock shows, this is as proper as gets. fuckin' christ.

They bless the rains down in Afrikkka

2009-05-17T19:21:00.001-07:00

This weekend, the World Superbike posse rolled (actually, they flew) into the Kyalami circuit in Johannesburg, South Africa (new and improved with 50% less Apartheid). Coming into this round, Haga enjoyed a comfortable 50ish point lead in the championship over Texas' Ben Spies. Haga's teammate 'Michelle' Fabrizio sat a few points behind Ben's Pies in third. So then, qualifying came and went, and Spies managed to grab his 6th pole of the year...and that whole sentence sounded really gay. Michelle, Bad Max, and Haga rounded out the front row. Neato. So then...on to race 1. Haga got the holeshot into turn 1, while Spies (again) forcefully stuffed Bad Max to take second. While Haga gapped the field, Michelle dove up the inside of Spies to take over second positione'. On lap 3, Michelle took over the lead from Haga. The top 3 held station for quite a few laps while. Further back in the field, Xaus confirmed that the South African gravel traps are up to spec. Good to know. Sweet...I could save up to $1500 on a Kawasaki motorcycle, ATV, or jet ski, and that Progressive Insurance chick would be much hotter if she wouldn't talk so much (or at all). The rest of the race was fairly uneventful. Haga eventually reeled Michelle back in and took over the lead. Spies gave his pony a few extra whips, and put a nice inside move on Michelle out of the final corner to take over second place, only to have a pucker-moment the next lap which almost tossed his ass over the bars and back to Texas. This allowed Michelle back into the second spot. Haga went on to win, with Michelle second and Spies third. Game, set, match. Race 2...once again, Haga-san gets the whore-shot with Spies in tow. Spies wasn't fucking around as he took Haga for the lead via a sweet outside/inside move out of one of the chicanes. The Ben looked all set to check out, and even set the new lap record, when his gear shifter broke on his Yamahopper (he ran out of gas, and the lead, the last time out at Monza). Things kind of trundled along until the last lap when when Michelle attempted two very brave/desparate moves on Haga. Neither of these stuck, and Haga went on to double up with Michelle, once again, playing second fiddler. Britain's own Johnny Rea scored his first WSBK podium aboard the Ten Kate CBR1000RRRRRRR. Spies goose-egged race 2, and probably flew back to Texas to shoot small animals. Next up? Gas up the Winnebago, throw the Hog on a trailer, crack open some Bud Lights, and make your way to Miller Motorsports Park here in the The U.S. of A. for the 7th round of the WSBK championship.

Monza WSBK

2009-05-12T20:16:00.000-07:00

Race 1...The first corner @ Monza is too tight for wheelchair races at the old-folks shack, let alone a World Superbike race...hence the carnage (click on the pic). Newkershner is out with a broken leg, Corser with a contused lower something-or-other, and a few other dudes with various bumps and scrapes...nothing a few Flintstones vitamins and a bowl of Wheaties can't fix. So then...race one was a decent scrap between Spies, Haga, and Fabrizio. Spies led most of the laps, until Fabrizio managed to draft past Spies on the long front straight...while throwing some mocking gesture at Spies in the process. Mistake. Fabrizio must not have gotten the 'Don't Fuck With Texas' memo, or watched an NBA game where some fresh-outta highschool Gerri-Curl taunted Michael Jordan...only to get his ankles broken via one MJ's most righteous crossovers. Spies gave his pony a few extra kicks and motored past the Bologna Bullet and set off for the Alamo. Haga was still somewhere back in third place taking in the sights as Spies set sail for yet another P1. Everything was in place for Spies to take his 5th win of the year when his Yam-Italia R1 spaceship ran out of a thing called fuel on the last corner of the last lap. This left Spies to coast (very eco-friendly) across the line in 15th place. Meanwhile, having been gifted his first WSBK win, Fabrizio pulled off to the side of the track, donned an Italian flag around his neck, and dry-humped the corner workers. Spies parked his bike along pit row, hopped the fence, and went out to shoot deer.

Race 2...After throat-punching his pit crew for their inability to convert gallons to liters, Spies dropped the hammer from the get-go, and went on to win the race by about 6 months. Championship points leader Haga got torpedoed in the arm by a bird (seriously) on the first lap, and eventually wadded his Ducati coming out of Curva Grande (that's eye-talian for 'Really Fucking Long, Fast Corner) on lap uno. Fabrizio, still chaffed from his post race 1 dry humping, fucked around and finished 3rd.

Next up...Kyalami in Sarf Africa. Spies has tested there, and barring a crash or bad fuel math, he's on for the double.

Oh yeah...I'm in a band called The Chezwicks, and we're playing at a bar called the Vaudeville Mews on June 13th with some other band called Squidboy and an Omaha band known as the Filter Kings.

2009-05-05T08:34:00.000-07:00

Coming soon to a street near you.

2009-04-28T18:52:00.001-07:00

Be afraid...or just get some earplugs.

World Superbike @ Assen

2009-04-28T18:18:00.000-07:00

It was a busy weekend for this armchair racer. Speed actually showed MotoGP, 250's, and both World Superbike races on the same day. Neato. The Texas Tarantula that is Ben Spies once again managed to nab pole position at a track he had only previously seen on his Playstation. So then...Race 1. Spies gets the holeshot and leads everyone and their mom into turn 1. Spies held the lead while title rival Haga and Britain's Flap-tastic Haslam worked their way up into 2nd and 3rd. Haga finally got under Spies (not in a gay way) and Haslam followed suit. With two laps to go, Spies (in what is probably the best lap of racing I have seen) made his way past Haslam and blew everyone's mind in the process (see 1:51). Spies then tracked down Haga, blew by him for the win. Anyone that can beat Haga in a straight-up last lap battle for the win is a hero. America...Fuck yeah!

Race 1 Highlights

For Spies, race 2 was a lot shorter and way more expensive...

So with Spies out, Haga set off for the win. The rest of the race was fairly uneventful with the exception of Haslam scoring another podium and Jakob 'Too fast for vowels' Smrz getting his first World Superbike podium on the Private duck. Haga now leads Spies by 60 points as they head to the next round at Monza.

Race 1 result
1) Spies
2) Haga
3) Haslam

Race 2 result
1) Haga
2) Haslam
3) Smrz

* Soup pic.

MotoGp @ Motegi, Japan

2009-04-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

God hates MotoGP. This is the second round in a row that has been all but washed out. Saturday's qualifying was scrapped altogether due to massive rainstorms and small lakes forming on the track. As a result, the starting grid was set based on Friday's practice times, which put the housewives' favorite Rossi on pole. Rossi got the rabbit's start, fuddled around a bit, and got reeled in and passed for the lead by my personal friend Jorge 'King Midas' Lorenzo. While Rossi dicked around with a charging Pedrosa, Lorenzo gapped those two and set off into the sunset...which turned out to be a huge Japanese flag. Nicky Hayden's race lasted about 3/4 of a lap before he got torpedoed by local ladyboy Takahashi. I hope Haystack finds some luck soon, or his season looks to be headed in a very 'Melandri' direction. Speaking of Melandri, he managed to gallop his way to a 6th place finish aboard the Dorna-sponsored Kawasaki Hayabusa. Extra sugar cubes for you, my friend. That said...Lorenzo took his first win of the season and now holds a commanding 1 point lead in the MotoGP championship. Nice work, little dude. Next stop...Jerez.

Result
1) Lorenzo
2) Rossi
3) Pedrobot

*Pics courtesy of Soup and MCNews Aussie.

Red'sRig2ElectricBoogaloo

2009-04-26T18:48:00.000-07:00

There used to be tequila in that there bottle, but some dummy done drank it.

Installed

2009-04-24T12:32:00.000-07:00

There weren't any leftover bolts when I got done, so I must have done it right. Viva me!

R.I.P. Lorenzo

2009-04-24T12:25:00.000-07:00

The Oscars decided to make a midnight snack out of Lorenzo's legs and torso. Services will be held in the dumpster. Froggy coffin courtesy of a QuickTrip bag. Send motorcycle parts in lieu of flowers.

Christmas in April.

2009-04-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

The FedEx dude showed up this morning with some Yoshimura carbon fiber goodness. I'll install it after work and post some more pic...just for Boonie.

Don't taze me, bro!

2009-04-20T02:14:00.001-07:00

Yep...it's real.

Hanging around.

2009-04-20T01:41:00.000-07:00

More Sunday Randomness (is that a word?)...

2009-04-20T00:24:00.000-07:00

...and a picture of Boonie going to a rave.

Aquarium Nerd.

2009-04-19T22:51:00.000-07:00

I was really bored (drunk) today, so I whipped out my camera and got all 'Jacques Cousteau' on your ass.

Fresh Meat

2009-04-19T22:29:00.000-07:00

I hooked up a sweet deal on some African Jewel Cichlids. They're only about 1 1/2 inches long and a month old. When they mature, they'll grow to about 5 inches long and look effin' sweet...see second pic. Right now they live with the newts and our retarded Cichlid 'Peter'.

This is Peter...he's special.

Newt!...there it is.

Big Black

2009-04-01T20:58:00.000-07:00

Making Ministry look like pussies since 1980-whenever...

1998 (I think)

2009-03-24T10:59:00.001-07:00

Taken before our first show. Jay had just gotten off work from his temp job as a banquet server.

Boom goes the dynamite!

2009-03-24T10:55:00.000-07:00

After years of torment from his highschool classmates, Matt finally set the record straight. (That's right, I had a camera phone back in the late 80's)

Vintage Scepters

2009-03-16T14:03:00.000-07:00

Actually, 'vintage' is basically their whole schtick, but you know what I mean.

Motorcyles, UFOs, Dean Martin, girl-saving 'hover guns', and train tracks that conveniently run off the end of a cliff...I would expect nothing less. Shagadelic.

Don't Mess With Texas (The Sequel)

2009-03-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

New track, new country, new camels...same result. Both races played out in basically the same way...Spies (19) shadowed Haga (41) and Biaggi (3) while the pair of them passed and repassed each other and basically wore out their tires process. About this time, Spies realized he had to take a leak real bad, passed Haga/Biaggi, and bee-lined it to the port-a-potty which was conveniently located right by the start/finish line. Game, set, match. It was fairly obvious that Spies' R1 was down a few MPHs on the long Losail straight, yet he still 'managed' to win both races by a Texas-sized (see what I did there?) margin. I'm sure Yamacrew will wring a few more ponies from that motor. When (not 'if') this happens, things are going to be really bleak for the rest of the grid. The pictures below (in order) pretty much sum up both races.

(photos from soup and crash.net)

I really expected Max NewKitchenAir to be at the front in these races. The massive straight line speed of the Suzuki fits this track just dandy. I think he lobbed it in race 1 and finished sixth in race 2...or the other way around. Biaggi did good to put the brand spankin' new Aprilia on the podium in both races. I think he could be the dark horse title contender on that bike. As for Haga, I think he is in shock at the cow pie (get it?) Spies has dropped on his assumed 'World Title Season'.

Don't Mess With Texas

2009-03-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

Spies on pole in 'Cutter' (© Despain)

That's right...The Texas Tarantula has lassoo'd (he's from Texas, ya' know) his second pole position of the season. In the first loser spot we find Mr. Jakub "vowels are sooo last week" Smrz on the private Duck. Biaggi sits in third on the Aprilia that you can buy at your local dealer. Rounding out the front row is Haga. Starting position doesn't really have any bearing on where Haga will finish the race. Last time out at Phillip Island He won race 1 and bagged a second in race 2 from 14th or so on the grid. he could probably start tomorrow's race from the port-a-loo on pitlane and still make his way up the front within a few laps.

As for the races...you'd be a loon not to think Spies will take at least one win. I think him and Biaggi will split the wins. Haga is hit and miss at Qatar, and will probably hit the deck at least once (while waving at Biaggi). Then again, he could clear off, win both races, and make me look like a stupid dummy.

Methinks...

Race 1 Biaggi/Fabrizio/Spies
Race 2 Spies/Haga/Biaggi

T...out

There's a racetrack in my sandbox

2009-03-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

World Superbike is in Qatar this weekend. So far, Texan Ben Spies and his elbows are on top of the time sheets...not bad for a series rookie on a new bike who has never been to the track before. Final qualifying tomorrow, and races on Saturday instead of Sunday (due to local religious nuttiness). Speed is even showing both races back-to-back on Saturday. Thank you baby Jesus.

Lousy service is no surprise...

2009-03-12T11:35:00.000-07:00

Here's a 30 second song The Chezwicks did for a Big Tomato TV commercial a few years back.

cut-n-paste...

http://www.divshare.com/download/launch/6783301-1a1

Oonga Boonga

2009-03-01T09:57:00.001-08:00

Red's latest creation...

Phillip Island

2009-02-28T23:58:00.000-08:00

Finally...some racing! Race 1 saw Texas' own Ben Spies start from pole and then get punted into the gravel 3 corners later. Bummer. He kept the good ship Yamaha upright, reentered the race in last place, passed half of the field, and finish out in 16th. Good recovery, but no points. Haga and Newkershner exchanged the lead this many times (I'm holding up 12 fingers) with Haga eeking out the win. On to race 2...After letting Biaggi tag along for awhile in 3rd, Haga and Spies dropped their respective hammers and set off into the sunset to have their own little party. Spies sat on Haga's back wheel for most of the race and took notes. With two laps to go, Spies took his elbows past Haga. Haga countered with a roundhouse to the head. Spies then sealed the deal with a barrage of haymakers for the win. The flaptabulous British sensation Leon Haslam brought his Honder home in 3rd. Game, set, match. Thanks to Pat and Brenda for letting me watch the 2nd race on their laptop, and a big fuck you to SpeedTV for thinking that imagunna wait until Tuesday night to watch race 2. That's not how I roll.

World Superbike 2009

2009-02-27T09:09:00.000-08:00

Well...with this year's MotoGP grid fielding a paltry 18 bikes, and the now-neutered AMA series quickly turning into a NASCAR-style circus (blame the DMG, not the riders), it looks like World Superbike will be the king-shit road racing series this year. 32 full time riders, 7 factories, and an influx of new riders...the sparks will fly for surely. 3-time AMA champ Ben 'Russian' Spies has made the jump to a factory Yamaha. New bike, new team, new tires, and new tracks. He was fastest in the first session at Phillip Island...damn. Here's a cute little slide show with music by some band called The Clash.

From MGPN;

The global market is dropping faster than King Kenny McRoberts Jr. pushed out of the International Space Station with a parachute made of Harley Davidson Fat Boys. Businesses across the globe are cutting back worker's hours, from Japan (where they are now limited to a 175 hour workweek) to Spain (where the max is now 3 hours per month). Things have gotten so bad that Jorge Lorenzo has traded in his golden nugget for a silver one, and Biaggi can no longer afford prescription hair treatment aids and has resorted to gluing Giovanni Bussei's beard trimmings to his ever expanding scalp.

Huh? What was that? Oh, you wanted a 2009 World Superbike Preview? Well that is an entirely different story…

Strolling through the off-season headlines, testing and press releases you wouldn't even know there was an Economopocolypse raging across our wildly mismanaged little planet. WSB is doing just fine, thank you very much. While F1 loses Honda* and MotoGP loses Kawasaki, Superbikes has managed to add both BMW and Aprilia. For those of you counting at home that means F1 and MotoGP each both lost a backmarker, but WSB added two backmarkers. You don't have to be a recently fired Wall Street moneyman to realize that…well…none of that crap matters a lick unless BMW/Aprilia find some pace.

But it is not just new manufacturers that World Recessionbikes has brought into the fold. They also managed to loot AMA and BSB series champions Ben "Russian" Spies and Shane "3rd Degree" Byrne. Other additions, such as Tommy "Up" Hill, Jonathan "Sun" Rea, Broc "Car" Parkes and Shinya "Required-By-Law Yearly MotoGP Cast Off" Nakano, almost ease the pain of losing Shoo-Fly Aoyama.

To quote stand up comedian Dave Attell, "You ever make fun of someone so much you feel like you should go and thank them for all the good times?" You will be missed Shoowie.

Moving on, it also means the full-time field is larger than ever before so I better get on with it…

Here they are in the finishing order at the recent official test at Portimao.

Shane Byrne
It was a shockingly good start to proceedings as he trounced the field for all three days of the test. Sure he was helped by being very familiar with his Ducheati while several other front runners were trying to get their footpegs positioned right, but it was impressive nonetheless. Byrne + Ducheati = Victories for years now (while Bryne + Anything Else = Crap is just as true), so things are looking promising.
stockStock Rating: High Risk, High Reward

Ben Spies
Despite his MotoGP dreams being hampered by greed and mommy (management) issues, Spies landed on his feet by stepping into the very competitive Yamaha Motor Italia R1. In an attempt to squeeze out every iota of performance from their rider, his team then painted up his new R1 to look like an AMA Yoshimura Suzuki. Cunning. With his inherent skill, a professional squad, and large chip on his shoulder, only mastering new tracks stands between him and victory. That and actually having to race more than one person. In that case his elbows-out style will probably serve him well in the smash-and-bash world of World Superbike.
stockStock Rating: Strong Buy

Noriyuki Haga
Speaking of landing on his feet, The Samurai Of Smarts finally wised up and took the old saying, "If you can't beat them, join them" to heart. After a career of playing underdog to overbored factory twins, Haga takes on the mantles of "Favorite" and "Cheat"** for the first time. He began his Superbike career on a Ducati (in Japan of all places) and nearly won the championship previously a privateer (A.K.A. "mechanically unsound") Ducati, so we know he can get on with the Balogna twins. Will it be his year or is he destined to be the Mamola of WSB? The only thing we know for sure is SuperbikePlanet.com will continue to hate on him.
stockStock Rating: Blue Chip

Tom Sykes
Also obviously benefiting from the Yamaha Motor Italia expertise, Sykes made his intention to not be outshone by his better-known teammate. As I know nothing else about him, Wikipedia states, "His girlfriend is named Amie. He loves coffee and coffee bars. He was born with a tail." Okay, I made the last sentence up.
stockStock Rating: More Data Needed

Carlos Checa
This old bull still has horns. He just seems to misplace them sometimes. Checa had more ups and downs last year than Amy Winehouse had pills. One weekend he would be on it, the next it would be easy to forget he was even in the championship. But when he was on he did not disappoint, such as his dominating double win in Utah. The only real disappointment from his rookie year was not nearly enough massive highsides. I expected more of him, frankly.
stockStock Rating: Monitor Closely, could crash

Max Neukirchner
The Man Of A Thousand Misspellings came on strong in 2008 but seemed to fade later as the season progressed. That may not be accurate, however, as he did finish in the top 5 in 5 of the last 9 races. Slow starts before coming through the field while the top three riders ran away just made it seem like he finished worse than he did. With Biaggi/Aprilia looking feeble, Good Max might be the only Max to matter this year.
stockStock Rating: Solid Buy

Jakub Smrz
We all know what to expect from S'mores at this point. Great qualifying, subpar racing and gooey, chocolaty deliciousness. Don't get too excited no matter what until he actually finishes on the podium.
stockStock Rating: Smoke And Mirrors

Michel Fabrizio
Ducati's number one man, at least in his own head, looks to continue where Bayliss left off. An Italian winning the SBK championship on an Italian bike? Believe it or not it has never happened before. 3 Brits, 2 Australians, 1 American and a no-doubt smelly Frenchman held the Bologna factory colors high. In fact, that Frenchie is the only non-English speaking man to take the championship on a Ducati, and that was in 1990. Suddenly things look a bit worse for the Japanese/Italian headed Corse team. But one thing Girlsname has going for him (her?) is that we all know he was sandbagging behind the Ducaussie® last year. A whole season of unhindered racing may change things.
stockStock Rating: Pink Chip

Jonathan Rea
Stepping up with promise and sliding around like a loon is Johnny Rea. Having pushed Andrew "Smiles" Pitt to the limit in WSS, Rea comes in with promise and after a good final outing in Portimao last year. Hopefully more promise and a hell of a lot more luck than poor Sofuoglu whose off-the-track tragedies still make me feel sorry for him. Wikipedia steps up to the plate again offering "For much of his career he has been backed by Red Bull." Absolutely enthralling stuff, Wikipedia.
stockStock Rating: Don't Invest In Wikipedia

Leon Haslam
Returning to WSB after a three year absence, the man with the kickiest legs around returns to make his father proud. I still remember a SuperBike Magazine article from years ago which depicted a barely teen Haslam absolutely destroying his competitors in a race at Donington in a "Honda CB500 Cup" event. It was a picture of a seemingly pilotless CB500 leaned into a corner with the caption "There's a Haslam in this picture. Can you find him?" How far we've come, how little we've grown.
stockStock Rating: Sell Short

Troy Corser
Everyone's favorite dad / professional racer prepares to etch even more lines in his face while bending the new BMW racing effort to his accomplished will. The man rode well to finish second in last years championship despite not winning a race, but it was plain to all that he deserved at least one and was completely robbed of another by rain. BMW finally built a bike several shades less wonky than all previous efforts and initial impressions are promising. Corser knows how to develop a bike and BMW appear serious. The man finished 2004 in 9th position on a Petronas for god's sake!
stockStock Rating: Not Yet, But Soon

Yukio Kagayama
The man who never made a bone he didn't break returns for another year of bashing himself against the finest racing surfaces in the world. While specializing in Suzuka 8 Hours/Job-Retention, there has been very little else to get excited about. Unless you like crashes. The most common thought fans have while watching him race is "I hope he doesn't take out (insert favorite racer) when he crashes." Please don't hurt yourself, Yukio.
stockStock Rating: Volatile

Regis Laconi
2009 promises to be better than ever for Regis. Not only did he ditch the Kawasucki but an off-season spent learning new Kung-Fu moves from Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow (G.I. Joe, in theatres this August! ***) in between entering himself in illegal dog-fighting competitions have made this hard man even more of a destructive force. Word on the street he is planning to ride without leathers so that he can psych out the other riders by flexing his pecs under hard braking.
stockStock Rating: Approach With Caution

Ryuichi Kiyonari
The Karate Kiyo showed some moves last year that promised a big 2009. So what is he doing down here? Your guess is as good as mine.**** Not likely to stay this low for long. Wax on…wax off!
stockStock Rating: Buy

Broc Parkes
Another moving up from WSS, Parkes hopefully hasn't set his hopes too high as the Kwaka has a history of dashing even modest hopes.
stockStock Rating: Falling Quickly

Alessandro Polita
Apparently the financial meltdown did claim a couple victims. Polita took one for the team and will not be present for the first two rounds of the championship due to Sterilgarda realizing Byrne was much better and they should focus on him only.
stockStock Rating: SELL!

Shinya Nakano
"So-So" Nakano lost his MotoGP ride by consistently finishing in Edwardth-Minus-Two Position. So off to WSB on an Aprilia, which, while looking trick, seems to be fairly poo. But at least he has company in…

Max Biaggi
Aprilia seem to about to deliver the finishing blow to the careers of two former GP stars. These two aren't exactly known for development riding and the RSV4 currently acting more Cube than Mille. At this point Mad Max may start complaining about wanting equal machinery to the Kawasaki.
stockStock Rating: Avoid Both

Brendan Roberts
When I saw B. Roberts on the timesheets I almost jumped out a window. Thankfully he is not another son of a former world champion, so he has than going for him…
stockStock Rating: Higher Than Kurtis's

Makoto Tamada
Still on a Kwak and now the 5th best Jap in the series. Dead and buried, this one.
stockStock Rating: Ha Ha Velly Funny

Gregorio Lavilla
Victim #2 for the Financialopocaplypse as he'll be missing the first two rounds before joining up for the European rounds. Runner-up to Shane Byrne for "Rider Most In Need Of A Ducheati To Remain Relevant" followed closely by Little Leon in 3rd. Here's hoping the fashionable Spaniard gets some results.
stockStock Rating: Circling The Drain

Tommy Hill
Far too many young gun Brits that I don't know anything about. One thing I do know is he is in a dead heat with Crashayama for most near-death experiences from racing accidents. Eventually whatever undamaged original equipment the two riders have left will be salvaged, sewn together, reanimated via lightning, powered by raw fish 'n chips and sent back into the WSB fray on a Frankenbike cobbled together from old Nortons and Hodakas. And you thought Zombie Barros smelled bad.
stockStock Rating: I'm Clearly Running Out Of Ideas

Luca Scassa
Seriously, why does anyone sign for Kawasaki?
stockStock Rating: Don't Bother

Ruben Xaus
25th and fourteen places behind his teammate, we find the lovable and bouncy-when-dropped Xaus. Hopefully not the latest rider to suffer from The Ducati Effect, Ruben has never been in WSB on anything but a Duck. The Beemer is rumored to have world-class power, which may allow Xaus to join Fabitchio's right boot in orbit when the inevitable highside comes.
Stock Rating: Buy BMW Fairings, Sell To Team

Roberto Rolfo
Let's be honest. I'm not writing much longer. You're not reading much longer. Rolfo is not racing in WSB much longer. Just facts.
Stock Rating: Die Hard Fans Only

There you have it, all the contenders except Karl Muggeridge who was not at the test…or any other test for that matter. Remember when Ben Bostrom's Renegade Honda team started the 2005 season so late that the official WSB group photo showed all the riders sitting on their bikes on the grid, except for Bostrom who had to just stand there like a doofus? That didn't end well either.

But the 2009 World Superbike season looks like a classic ready to be made, and believe it or not we are less than a week until the first races of the year at Phillip Island! Fantastic!!

This just in as we went to press: Not only did the top contenders lap within tenths of one another (including BMW and Aprilia) at this weekend's test at Phillip Island, but Corser also struck and killed a seagull. I cannot imagine a better omen.

Boring

2009-02-09T22:34:00.000-08:00

My sincerest apologies to all of the 3.5 people that actually read this crap. There's really been nothing to report. Business as usual around here; Red's taking some online courses, I've been trolling Ebay for go-fast goodies for my bike, some of our fish died and have been replaced, The Chezwicks have done zilch since our last show, I stopped drinking RedBull, I applied for an advisor position at Upper Iowa University's satellite 'campus' in Milwaukee, I played some foosball the other night and actually won a few games, and deleted all of the 'sent items' from my work email. It's supposed to be 60+ degrees tomorrow, so methinks I'll try to get out and make some after-work wheelies. Oh yeah...It looks like Blackbird Johnson and myself will be riding out to Utah in May for the World Superbike races. Smashing.

Just hosting another pic.

2009-01-23T09:24:00.001-08:00

Chezbox

2009-01-21T19:59:00.000-08:00

The Red One MacGuyver'd this out of an old shoebox, empty yogurt containers, tinfoil, cardboard, glue, toothpicks, paint, sparkley nail polish, tissue paper, aquarium stones, and a bunch of vodka. Impressive.

Miller

2009-01-03T16:45:00.000-08:00

A bunch of us chipped in and got Miller a memorial brick on the sidewalk of the Corkscrew at Laguna Seca Raceway in California. Picture by His Blackbirdness.

If You See Kay...

2009-01-01T01:12:00.001-08:00

Rock Show

2008-12-30T09:44:00.000-08:00

Excellent show...even Lonnie and DaVo were there...weird. It seems we get better crowds now then back when we were 'trying' to be a real band. Also, let it be known that Benedict Wellendorf is on 'notice'.

EDIT: I just found these on YouTube...thanks to Pat and (I think) Chrissy. The best part about Kurt's pre-song babbling is that his wife is right up in the front row. Vintage KJ.

Madison

2008-12-30T09:24:00.001-08:00

Red and I headed up to Madison to spend Christmas with Pops and crew at the Cat Compound...Sky was back from doctor school, and Mr.& Mrs. Quinn were fresh off the boat from the Land of the Rising Sun. Drinks were drank, food was eaten, cookies were decorated, and presents were opened....good times, for sure! FYI...condo hallways and R/C helicopter racing do not mix.

Rossi being Rossi

2008-12-20T11:28:00.000-08:00

All Growed-Up

2008-12-20T10:31:00.000-08:00

Christmas came early for Her Redness. She got her very own 'adult-sized' 30 gallon aquarium...and two new Angelfish; 'Ginger' and 'Mary Anne'. Oonga Boonga.

Double Fail

2008-12-17T10:31:00.000-08:00

Walk much?

Oilvelawn

2008-12-13T18:22:00.000-08:00

I forgot how good this album is, but it's all coming back to me now.

12/27 @ The Mews

2008-12-11T17:24:00.000-08:00

We're going to play some moldy oldies at this show along with the usual crap. Get there.

2008-12-05T19:18:00.000-08:00

new carbon fiber goodies

2008-12-04T18:16:00.000-08:00

ram air covers, exhaust hanger, and a gas cap/fuse box cover. sweet.

Be Like (Fat) Mike

2008-11-28T15:13:00.001-08:00

2008-11-28T14:56:00.000-08:00

thankee

2008-11-28T00:24:00.000-08:00

That's Nina's grub to the lower right. According to the Redness; "rabbit's are thankful, too"...they should be; all they do is cruise around the place, crap, and chew on shit. Rough life. Oh yeah, one of our frogs abandoned ship and dried up (to death) near the front closet. Therefore, I'm thankful for having to feed one less frog. Today was a good day.

NOFX Rock Block

2008-11-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

Biaggi's New Ride

2008-11-22T12:52:00.000-08:00

Aprilia's new RSV4 superbike. Pretty sweet.

2008-11-17T00:09:00.000-08:00

2008-11-16T23:55:00.001-08:00

When frogs do this...

2008-11-16T20:08:00.000-08:00

...you get about 100 of these...

Steady T's 1st annual frog leg 'snack-down' coming up in about 10 months or so. Make your reservations now. Seating is limited. Ribbit.

Wet Weather Riding 101

2008-11-16T19:38:00.000-08:00

Riyo Kiyonari's Superpole lap @ Donington Park, 2008.

...damn.

New Blood

2008-11-16T14:25:00.000-08:00

Here's new boy Grouch the Oscar. His hobbies include eating, pooping, and swimming around.

Nina

2008-11-02T13:55:00.001-08:00

Red's new drinking buddy. (drinking bunny?)

Just hosting a pic

2008-10-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

nothing to sea hear.